I would like to repost this after being encouraged to do so. I hope it will help people:

My mother committed suicide Saturday afternoon. She overdosed on a massive amount of sleeping medication. By the time we got to her, she was already gone. My father, myself and the paramedics tried unsuccessfully to revive her for 45 minutes. They were heading to a helicopter to take her to a hospital, but she was pronounced dead before the helicopter could take off.

She didn't want to be embalmed nor did she want an open casket funeral, so we had a 30 minute quick graveside service, with a lunch provided at the church afterward. Our town in rural Missouri has about 3,000 people and there were well over 100 people at the cemetery, including 14 family members who came from out of town to attend. It was probably the most beautiful and best funeral I've ever attended.

Most of our family is heading home now, so the reality of my mother being gone has yet to sink in. My mother had and I have bipolar disorder and I'm usually a very emotional person, but I haven't been able to cry, nor have I been able to sleep much these past few nights (despite being on sleeping medication).

12 years ago, I overdosed on medication and spent a week in the hospital. I called and got help before it was too late. My mother told no one; the image of her laying on the floor, stone-faced, blue-lipped and laying in a pool of vomit will forever be in my mind. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I think in pictures, so it is more vivid to me than it would normally be.

I encourage anyone who's contemplating suicide to please call someone, whether it'd be a family member, friend or a suicide prevention hotline; there's help available! As human beings, we're all in this together. From now on, I plan to forever be an advocate for the mentally ill. My dad and I will be attending a support group for families who've lost family members to suicide, so I believe that'll help.

We'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for reading.

Iloveboeing,
I really don't have the words... but thank you for having the courage to post this and share your experience with others in the hopes of helping someone else. I'm sorry for your loss. Comforting prayers to you.

So sorry for your loss.

My Condolences on your lost. I encourage you to continue to speak out on such a usually guarded issue within families. I wish you well in your undertaking.

You are very courageous to post this, plus that you put it in such clear and well-set words!
I am sorry for your loss, and for me as someone who has no family or friends with mental issues its not easy to understand what you or your mother were going through.
I have a friend who once was married to a woman with bipolar disorder. He divorced after several severe events (one being that she deliberately crashed his car at night) when one night he woke up from bed and found his wife standing next to him with a big knife in her hand. She is now under constant medical care.

Sending you peace and support as you process this terrible moment in your life. Suicide is such an enigmatic act, which is so hard to understand. I do hope you find someone or several someones to help you process through this tragedy.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and compassion so far. It really means a lot to me. I know we'll make it through this.

Iloveboeing wrote:

I would like to repost this after being encouraged to do so. I hope it will help people:

My mother committed suicide Saturday afternoon. She overdosed on a massive amount of sleeping medication. By the time we got to her, she was already gone. My father, myself and the paramedics tried unsuccessfully to revive her for 45 minutes. They were heading to a helicopter to take her to a hospital, but she was pronounced dead before the helicopter could take off.

She didn't want to be embalmed nor did she want an open casket funeral, so we had a 30 minute quick graveside service, with a lunch provided at the church afterward. Our town in rural Missouri has about 3,000 people and there were well over 100 people at the cemetery, including 14 family members who came from out of town to attend. It was probably the most beautiful and best funeral I've ever attended.

Most of our family is heading home now, so the reality of my mother being gone has yet to sink in. My mother had and I have bipolar disorder and I'm usually a very emotional person, but I haven't been able to cry, nor have I been able to sleep much these past few nights (despite being on sleeping medication).

12 years ago, I overdosed on medication and spent a week in the hospital. I called and got help before it was too late. My mother told no one; the image of her laying on the floor, stone-faced, blue-lipped and laying in a pool of vomit will forever be in my mind. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I think in pictures, so it is more vivid to me than it would normally be.

I encourage anyone who's contemplating suicide to please call someone, whether it'd be a family member, friend or a suicide prevention hotline; there's help available! As human beings, we're all in this together. From now on, I plan to forever be an advocate for the mentally ill. My dad and I will be attending a support group for families who've lost family members to suicide, so I believe that'll help.

We'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for reading.

Very sorry and sad for your loss

I live in nearby in STL, let me know if I can be of any help to your advocacy

i am so sorry for your loss, the fact that you want to help others, after this devastating life event, shows that your parents did a wonderful job raising you. I'm sure your mother would be very proud of you, and how your handling this. My advice to you, is to stay strong, and focus on helping others, it will help you down the road. My best friend committed suicide many years ago, i knew she was struggling but, i never thought she would do it because she loved her children so much. She loved them with all her heart, but unfortunately, her illness got out of control . My point, is don't doubt for a minute the love your mother had for you or your father. There is no way the mentally ill can comprehend the aftermath that they've left behind. The fact that you want to help others, to prevent this from happening to other families, will give you direction and purpose. Again. my sincere condolences to your family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Iloveboeing. Depression is something that many in my family have gone through, myself included, so this is an issue that resonates very deeply with me. I'm truly sorry about the loss of your mother and I'll be keeping you and your father in my thoughts. It sounds like you have a lot of loving people to lean on at this time, and I know you and your father are strong and will make it through this. I know it's not much, but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to talk.

My sincere condolences on your loss. I hope you and your family would be able to get through these trying times.

Thank you to everyone for the condolences and encouraging words. I am getting better every day and am sleeping more each night. We're gonna make it through this; I just keep telling myself that.

I’m so sorry for your loss bud

I don’t know you personally but I am sending you a vast amount of love. To think of others in the midst of this is a gift borne of unimaginable pain that will no doubt help countless souls struggling to find a reason to continue living.

That, my friend, shows your own beautiful soul. And honors your mother’s beautiful soul.

cranberrysaus wrote:

Thank you for sharing your story, Iloveboeing. Depression is something that many in my family have gone through, myself included, so this is an issue that resonates very deeply with me. I'm truly sorry about the loss of your mother and I'll be keeping you and your father in my thoughts. It sounds like you have a lot of loving people to lean on at this time, and I know you and your father are strong and will make it through this. I know it's not much, but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to talk.

I completely concur with this. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best. I'll keep you in my thoughts as well. Depression is a large dark beast which I too had to struggle with and sometimes still do, although mildly nowadays, fortunately, I never went over the edge, but stared into the abyss. I think that's why your story affected me deeply.

I think it is inspiring that you want to turn your loss into something with a positive meaning.

Iloveboeing wrote:

Thank you to everyone for the condolences and encouraging words. I am getting better every day and am sleeping more each night. We're gonna make it through this; I just keep telling myself that.

Your positivity in the face of adversity is inspiring. I'm truly sorry to read of your loss and thank you for having the courage to share your story with us.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My father has struggled with the same illness all his life, however he has not been suicidal, "only" stuck to his bed for weeks at a time. His four children don't seem to have inherited this, although it was a concern of mine for a time. Maybe something happens that triggers it, a psychiatrist of his I've seen a few times (for his IT needs) told me it's all about the brain's chemistry. My father has tried all the treatments, including electroconvulsive therapy, and for the last 10 years has been relatively stable.

“I have bipolar disorder”

I’m bipolar as well. Mood stabilizers have helped tremendously. Lamictil is my go to, and I’m happy with it. I’m sure you’re taking something, but more information about available options is important.

It’s hard to convey true emotions online. I simply wish you the best in life. Stay strong my friend.

Aesma wrote:

I'm sorry for your loss.

My father has struggled with the same illness all his life, however he has not been suicidal, "only" stuck to his bed for weeks at a time. His four children don't seem to have inherited this, although it was a concern of mine for a time. Maybe something happens that triggers it, a psychiatrist of his I've seen a few times (for his IT needs) told me it's all about the brain's chemistry. My father has tried all the treatments, including electroconvulsive therapy, and for the last 10 years has been relatively stable.

I hope I’m not intruding, but was your father able to hold down a steady job? That’s a huge problem for people like us. This of course just intensifies the depression that comes with it. I’ve been having a spell (which is what I like to call them) recently, and sometimes getting out of bed, and getting ready for the day is like climbing Mount Everest. Many just see it as laziness, which complicates the matter even more.

No one ever said life is easy I suppose.

We all have to construct a 'story of our life', and often it has to include things that are hard and things which we wish it did not include. You have some hard ones. God (or whoever) bless you as you go forward with this. Girls are better at finding friends who can share in this, us guys can learn from them and find sensible and caring friends (or counselors) who can help carry the load. I only mention 'story', because that can be a useful tool as you go forward from these very painful things.