Was it a good or bad experience? Were any of your friends successful? Are all of the websites the same? Were you recognized by friends seeking dates as well?

I'm a regular user of online dating, I've been on many dates, many have been enjoyable but not led to anything further, some have led to 'more'. I think it's generally better suited to finding casual sex and flings rather than long term relationships, but there'll always be people that do manage to find those.

Basically, that people found it much easier to tell outrageous lies in cyberspace than they did in the real world.

Specifically that apparently a whole bunch of gay men seem to think that no-one would remember the magazine Advocate Men or in the mid-2000s recognize profile pics taken from the pages of issues of said magazine from the mid-1980s.

A former colleague of mine met a girl PoF sometime around 2009/10 been happily married since. I met my fiancee on there too, been together six years now though our wedding date hasn't been set yet.

I had a little dabble on the paid site "match" but didn't have much by way of luck on there, I did meet up with one girl and had a few dates but we are just friends now.

What I did notice with the paid sites was that while membership was free usually there were restrictions on sending or receiving messages, one thing I noticed with Match was that a conversation would go quiet after a week or so then just as the monthly renewal is due a message would be received meaning one would have to renew for another month to read what was sent. More disturbingly was that my village, which at the time was in the countryside and despite having a population of no more than 100 people seemed to have around 3,000 available women within a mile of it. This was several years ago so is probably no longer an issue, I wouldn't know now as I've not been on that game since meeting my future missus (see above).

Phil
FlyingColours

Met my wife the "ol' fashioned way." But my brother in law met his wife using a dating website and they have been happily married for 4ish years now.

I've used the traditional dating apps and the regular hookup apps. I've had mixed success, but nothing that actually ends up in a relationship. Looking to try move sites, though usually you'll find the same people on the all of them.

My biggest gripe with online dating: people in open relationships and polyamorous relationships setting up profiles, as well as people who are just looking for friends. Like seriously, get the fuck out. You have yours or you don't want anything to do with a relationship...clear the sites for those of us who are actually searching.

The brosband and I met at a bar playing pool. I had tried using dating sties before that. This was in the days when we did not have apps. I still had dial-up. So, the dating sites were silly. All these 60 year old men trying to convince everyone they were 30 looking for 20 year olds. I would rather see up front what I am getting.

I agree with Einsteinboricua: couples in long term relationships should not have individual profiles on dating sites advertising for "just friends". If they just want friends, go to a spin class or gallery or Friendster if that is still a thing.

Worked for me *taps wedding ring*

Spent the late 90s/early 2000s meeting women online; this was before cameras were embedded in every phone, so scanned photos uploaded to the various dating sites were the norm. Had two longer-term relationships, a lot of random hookups, many of which I'm not entirely proud of in retrospect.

Having said that, I did ultimately meet a girl online on October 16, 2003, who became my wife on December 1, 2006. She then introduced my best friend to a co-worker of hers, and they ended up married in 2008.

So, the simple act of sending one e-mail through a dating site resulted in two marriages and three kids (two for us, one for my friend and his wife).

I've been a regular to online dating for the past 6 years or so. I have had varied success with it. I have gone on some awful dates, incredibly underwhelming dates, and I have gone on some really fun dates that didn't lead to anything more. I have had some flings and short relationships, and I have met a few girls online that I had fun, long term relationships with.

There definitely is a difference between the apps. Here's my personal experience with each of the apps I've used (from a straight male's perspective):
*Tinder: Used to be really fun, but is now filled with trashy gals and has really gone downhill. Had a fun relationship with a girl I met on here years ago in 2014-2015 but haven't had much luck since. Often referred to as the Walmart of dating apps and sadly, I'd have to agree. Still has a problem with lots of fake profiles. More so than the other dating apps
*OK Cupid: You can answer lots of in depth questions about yourself and compare them to women you are interested in, which is cool, but I don't find most of the women on OK Cupid to be my type
*Plenty Of Fish: Love-hate relationship with this one. Mostly women who aren't my type appearance wise and tend to be uneducated women who are mostly concerned with how much money I make and/or finding a guy who will provide them a certain lifestyle. But I met my most recent ex on there and we had a very fun relationship. Sometimes you'll find a good gal on here but you'll filter through a ton of crap first.
*Zoosk: Absolute trash. Worthless in every way. Filled to the gills with ads and worthless bullshit. Most women on there are ugly and the ones that aren't don't seem to be interested in chatting.
*Badoo: Just as bad as Zoosk, if not worse. 90% of women on here just claim that they're looking for friends.
*Bumble: My personal favorite app. Women have to message first so they can decide who they talk to. Many women like Bumble because it limits their exposure to unsolicited and messages and creepy interactions from men. It mostly has educated, conventionally pretty women. I've had a lot of fun dates thanks to Bumble. Most of the girls I've met on Bumble have been really genuine, nice gals that come from similar backgrounds as I did. The downside to Bumble is that since women have to message first, be prepared for about 15-50% of women you match with to never message you.
*Coffee Meets Bagel: I like this app. It's unique. There are people on here that you won't see on other apps and they are usually nice, high caliber women. Only issue is that you're only shown 1-3 women to choose from each day, so your options can be a bit limited.
*Match.com: Wasn't really worth the money. Only dating app I've ever paid for and I was underwhelmed.

-einsteinboricua is right though, many of the same people are on different sites.

Overall, I've mostly enjoyed my experiences with online dating. It has allowed me to meet lots of great people that I would have never otherwise had the chance to cross paths with. I'm hoping to meet the right one that permanently gets me off of online dating though.

einsteinboricua wrote:

My biggest gripe with online dating: people in open relationships and polyamorous relationships setting up profiles, as well as people who are just looking for friends. Like seriously, get the fuck out. You have yours or you don't want anything to do with a relationship...clear the sites for those of us who are actually searching.

That really pisses me off too. Luckily, some of the dating apps now have options/filters to select what you are looking for and only associate with others who are looking for the same. Bumble and OK Cupid have these options for free. Blank or low-effort profiles really irritate me too. Either take online dating seriously or don't bother trying at all.

I met my fiance on there so I'd say it has worked pretty well for us.

einsteinboricua wrote:

My biggest gripe with online dating: people in open relationships and polyamorous relationships setting up profiles, as well as people who are just looking for friends. Like seriously, get the fuck out. You have yours or you don't want anything to do with a relationship...clear the sites for those of us who are actually searching.

Interesting. My biggest gripe with dating websites aside from the preponderance of pathological liars (seriously, if these people were half as hot as their profiles suggested they'd have men falling out of the sky into their laps and would have no reason to participate in online dating) were the guys who were super focused on finding "Mister Right" right now and didn't want to speak to anyone who wasn't ready to move in with them within a week and live happily ever after sight unseen. Call me old-fashioned, call me cynical, or preferably call me a realist, but I'm sorry I just can't roll that way. I want to get to know a little bit about where someone's head is at beyond whatever pandering BS they've put in their profile before I make any sort of metaphorical move, let alone a physical one. Aside from that, some of the best friendships I've had began with an initial spark of attraction that quickly faded but was replaced with a mutual appreciation of common interests and/or shared life experiences as we got to know each other better.

TSS wrote:

) were the guys who were super focused on finding "Mister Right" right now and didn't want to speak to anyone who wasn't ready to move in with them within a week and live happily ever after sight unseen. Call me old-fashioned, call me cynical, or preferably call me a realist, but I'm sorry I just can't roll that way.

I haven't met anyone like that...thankfully. I want Mr. Right, but not within a week. That being said, I can appreciate if someone is looking for an LTR and is upfront about it instead of playing coy or going along without actually wanting anything.

If you don't know what you want, then maybe take some time off to decide what it is you want.

KentB27 wrote:

I've been a regular to online dating for the past 6 years or so. I have had varied success with it. I have gone on some awful dates, incredibly underwhelming dates, and I have gone on some really fun dates that didn't lead to anything more. I have had some flings and short relationships, and I have met a few girls online that I had fun, long term relationships with.

There definitely is a difference between the apps. Here's my personal experience with each of the apps I've used (from a straight male's perspective):
*Tinder: Used to be really fun, but is now filled with trashy gals and has really gone downhill. Had a fun relationship with a girl I met on here years ago in 2014-2015 but haven't had much luck since. Often referred to as the Walmart of dating apps and sadly, I'd have to agree. Still has a problem with lots of fake profiles. More so than the other dating apps
*OK Cupid: You can answer lots of in depth questions about yourself and compare them to women you are interested in, which is cool, but I don't find most of the women on OK Cupid to be my type
*Plenty Of Fish: Love-hate relationship with this one. Mostly women who aren't my type appearance wise and tend to be uneducated women who are mostly concerned with how much money I make and/or finding a guy who will provide them a certain lifestyle. But I met my most recent ex on there and we had a very fun relationship. Sometimes you'll find a good gal on here but you'll filter through a ton of crap first.
*Zoosk: Absolute trash. Worthless in every way. Filled to the gills with ads and worthless bullshit. Most women on there are ugly and the ones that aren't don't seem to be interested in chatting.
*Badoo: Just as bad as Zoosk, if not worse. 90% of women on here just claim that they're looking for friends.
*Bumble: My personal favorite app. Women have to message first so they can decide who they talk to. Many women like Bumble because it limits their exposure to unsolicited and messages and creepy interactions from men. It mostly has educated, conventionally pretty women. I've had a lot of fun dates thanks to Bumble. Most of the girls I've met on Bumble have been really genuine, nice gals that come from similar backgrounds as I did. The downside to Bumble is that since women have to message first, be prepared for about 15-50% of women you match with to never message you.
*Coffee Meets Bagel: I like this app. It's unique. There are people on here that you won't see on other apps and they are usually nice, high caliber women. Only issue is that you're only shown 1-3 women to choose from each day, so your options can be a bit limited.
*Match.com: Wasn't really worth the money. Only dating app I've ever paid for and I was underwhelmed.

-einsteinboricua is right though, many of the same people are on different sites.

Overall, I've mostly enjoyed my experiences with online dating. It has allowed me to meet lots of great people that I would have never otherwise had the chance to cross paths with. I'm hoping to meet the right one that permanently gets me off of online dating though.

I haven't used all those but tend to agree with the summation (I really should just delete Tinder because your description is perfect), I find POF full of spam and I realize if I were to pay for it a lot of that crap probably goes away.

I tend to like Bumble because the girl gets to send the fist message which means more quality and less quantity. Less chances of a match or message but a higher chance of meeting, they guy still usually has to pull the weight after the first message. Also my advice is meet asap if the conversation is fluid, the longer the wait the more flat the first interaction is IMO.

KentB27 wrote:

einsteinboricua wrote:

My biggest gripe with online dating: people in open relationships and polyamorous relationships setting up profiles, as well as people who are just looking for friends. Like seriously, get the fuck out. You have yours or you don't want anything to do with a relationship...clear the sites for those of us who are actually searching.

That really pisses me off too. Luckily, some of the dating apps now have options/filters to select what you are looking for and only associate with others who are looking for the same. Bumble and OK Cupid have these options for free. Blank or low-effort profiles really irritate me too. Either take online dating seriously or don't bother trying at all.

Usually when I see this they are pretty clear on it, also I have been lucky as no one I have met online looks far off from what I have seen in photos.

KentB27 wrote:

Luckily, some of the dating apps now have options/filters to select what you are looking for and only associate with others who are looking for the same.

Except some of the apps' filters are not smart enough. On some apps, they're good enough to filter out everyone that does not mark a particular item (i.e. if you don't mark "Looking for 'relationship'", you'll be filtered out); on other apps, the ambiguity of not marking that you're FOR something allows the filter to let you sneak by (i.e. if you're lazy enough that you don't mark anything for your profile, the filter may still let you show up).

And even then, you'll find people who don't understand what they're looking for: they're married and monogamous, but looking for dates; they're single and not looking for a relationship despite marking it under "looking for".

My experience with online dating is a wife and two children (so far)

einsteinboricua wrote:

Except some of the apps' filters are not smart enough. On some apps, they're good enough to filter out everyone that does not mark a particular item (i.e. if you don't mark "Looking for 'relationship'", you'll be filtered out); on other apps, the ambiguity of not marking that you're FOR something allows the filter to let you sneak by (i.e. if you're lazy enough that you don't mark anything for your profile, the filter may still let you show up).

And even then, you'll find people who don't understand what they're looking for: they're married and monogamous, but looking for dates; they're single and not looking for a relationship despite marking it under "looking for".

You're right about all of that. The filtering options do still let people slip through the cracks. But I'm all for anything on these apps that lets me cut out some of the riff-raff and narrow my search down.

StarAC17 wrote:

my advice is meet asap if the conversation is fluid, the longer the wait the more flat the first interaction is IMO.

Sound advice. I've generally found that to be true as well. Or, if you don't meet up soon enough one of you will get so bored of the conversation that you or them will stop making an effort entirely and you never end up meeting that person at all. I would say don't wait any longer than 2-3 days to ask for their number and tell them that you want to make plans to meet up soon.

StarAC17 wrote:

also I have been lucky as no one I have met online looks far off from what I have seen in photos.

There's been a few women I arranged dates with online that I was pretty underwhelmed with when I met them in person. I wouldn't say I've ever totally been deceived though. On the other hand, I have also learned the hard way that if they don't have a full body photo in their profile that they probably aren't as thin as you might think they are. I try to keep my pictures in my profile as recent as possible and I always include some photos showing my entire body so that people have an idea of what I actually look like. I want what people see in my profile to be as close to what I look like in person as possible.

Has anyone met someone far from you? I remember (while living in MO and then MD) hitting it off with a guy from RI to the point where I visited him twice (though that eventually went nowhere). One of the apps allows me to speak with folks all over. Currently talking to a guy from Pittsburgh (though he's moving to MN in the summer), met a guy from ID and spent a weekend with him in central WA...

That it would work. Instead, I had 18 year old boys messaging me, while no one my age seemed interested. That’s my problem. No one my age talks to me. It’s also hard to find someone who doesn’t just want sex.

Last resort of sheer desperation, imho. Friends hooking you up with their friends works the best for me and filters out the real psychos.

StarAC17 wrote:

also I have been lucky as no one I have met online looks far off from what I have seen in photos.

My experience was quite different to yours, to the point that I came up with a formula to convert "personal ad/online dating profile" statistics into real-world numbers:

1. Increase stated weight by 25%, minimum 10%
2. Increase stated age by 25%, minimum 10%
3. Subtract 4 inches from stated height (You'd think this would be a percentage as well, but real-world observations put it at about 4" across the board)

KentB27 wrote:

There's been a few women I arranged dates with online that I was pretty underwhelmed with when I met them in person. I wouldn't say I've ever totally been deceived though. On the other hand, I have also learned the hard way that if they don't have a full body photo in their profile that they probably aren't as thin as you might think they are. I try to keep my pictures in my profile as recent as possible and I always include some photos showing my entire body so that people have an idea of what I actually look like. I want what people see in my profile to be as close to what I look like in person as possible.

See, there's your problem: There is no place for truth in the world of online dating. While you're putting up photos that show how you really look now, (almost) everyone else is putting up photos that are twenty years old or are not even them, and in a few cases, both. That's tough to compete with.

I think the biggest problem with these dating apps is that there's no Review sections. It would be nice to see how these gals (or guys if that's your way) hold up in real world conditions.


Anyone can look great on paper, but if what shows up is some busted-up stump who wants to tell me all about her favorite kind of tuna fish and mustard sandwiches & how she found jesus in a bus stop one time, I feel like that's something I'd like to know beforehand.

L410Turbolet wrote:

Last resort of sheer desperation, imho. Friends hooking you up with their friends works the best for me and filters out the real psychos.

Yeah, that's a no go for this guy. I have this thing where I'm usually polite enough to suffer one or two dates, no matter what.

A lot of my friends think it's funny to set me up with whatever hastily recycled garbage women they can find and see what happens. I mean, that's great and all, but I have better luck shopping for myself...

L410Turbolet wrote:

Last resort of sheer desperation, imho. Friends hooking you up with their friends works the best for me and filters out the real psychos.

At least with online dating, there's no risk of affecting a friendship if there's no chemistry. You can say "I don't feel it, but thanks for being here", stand up, and leave. You probably don't feel the same liberty when it's a friend of a friend, one who may be very close and may get a totally different story that shatters your friendship (it also puts them in an awkward spot).

Unless I've met their friends and I ask my friend to play matchmaker, I'm not interested in being set up by others. As DarkSnowyNight mentioned, let me do the shopping on my own.

Online dating is like buying a used car. Online pics look great, but I get severely disappointed when we meet face to face.

einsteinboricua wrote:

L410Turbolet wrote:

Last resort of sheer desperation, imho. Friends hooking you up with their friends works the best for me and filters out the real psychos.

At least with online dating, there's no risk of affecting a friendship if there's no chemistry. You can say "I don't feel it, but thanks for being here", stand up, and leave. You probably don't feel the same liberty when it's a friend of a friend, one who may be very close and may get a totally different story that shatters your friendship (it also puts them in an awkward spot).

^ This. Exactly this. The last time I was set up by friends it was with a guy who was as much not my type as it is possible to be while still being a human male. Lest you think I'm being overly picky, that sentiment was echoed 100% from his end as well. While there was if anything a negative spark bordering on actual repulsion between us, we did manage to bond to an extent over our shared astonishment that our mutual friends, who had known both of us well for many years, would think that either of us would be even remotely attracted to the other one short of a "marooned together by ourselves on a desert island" scenario and perhaps not even then.

einsteinboricua wrote:

Unless I've met their friends and I ask my friend to play matchmaker, I'm not interested in being set up by others. As DarkSnowyNight mentioned, let me do the shopping on my own.

Agreed. I can't get my friends to remember when my birthday is even though it is clearly marked on every calendar sold in the English-speaking world, so expecting them to remember my one simple yet metaphorically carved in stone criteria for a potential date is a losing proposition before it even gets out of the gate.

My "online" dates in the 90's were more like One Night Hour Stands...

For medical school, I moved out of state to a city where I knew no one. Initially my only acquaintances were my fellow students at the hospital who were all in the same boat as I was. After about six months we developed larger networks as time would allow. But time being scarce, many of us used online dating. It involves a lot of what I called “two-date losers,” those whom you just felt a little awkward after one date, but maybe they deserved a second chance. The second date killed it. There were also a lot of “dear god get me out of here” after thirty minutes. There were also some good dates with folks, but the compatibility just wasn’t there. Ultimately I met my spouse online. Two of my best friends from my hospital rotations did as well. We all married within the span of 12 months of each other.

On the recommendation of an ex I was still close with, I signed up for Ok Cupid back in 2010. Didn't take it too seriously because this was before Tinder et al "normalized" online dating for people in my age range (24 at the time), so I was just going to make a profile and see if anyone messaged me. Within a week, I got a message from a girl, started talking, and almost 9 years later we're married and expecting our 1st child.

I always tell my friends who are struggling with it that it's so easy, I literally spent 1 week online and got married. They don't find that amusing.

I will say, it's interesting how the smallest random thing can have such a huge impact on your destiny. One of my pictures was of me skiing in Vermont. My now-wife happened to have gone to college there and noticed that photo because she recognized the ski resort, so she made a comment about how much she missed VT in her message to me. If I hadn't added that photo, we probably never would have met in "real life" since I was waiting tables and she was in law school.

Great topic, heatwave! Good to read the success stories posted on this thread. I gave online dating a try at around 17-18 on an early social networking site buddypic.com. Also tried Plenty of Fish, eHarmony and OkCupid among others.

With the benefit of life experience, I look back on my young online dating days as a tad bit foolish being as I was surrounded by many available women in high school and college. Had I concentrated more on developing my social skills, took more pride in my appearance as well as maintained a healthy weight, I feel like I would have had more success in finding a partner.

I focused too much on the end "goal" instead of being secure with myself.

Now almost 15 years later, I am still working on those things but feel more positive about online dating as long as you stay true to yourself.

My best advice is to love yourself first, then pursue online dating. Good luck!

Antonio Centeno from the Real Men Real Style YouTube channel has more to say on the subject:
#1 Dating Mistake Men Make? Stop Waiting For The Next Best Thing | RMRS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjmNpiudsc8
https://www.youtube.com/realmenrealstyle

I had mostly positive experience with online dating. Had a 2.5-year relationship with someone I met on Tiner. We ended it mutually and are still good friends now. Now I prefer to use this site. I met cool girl online not so long ago and we started dating. I think online dating is perfect for people like me who are not the type to go to a bar or club.

Thank goodness I never had to use online dating, I prefer the old methods myself. Hmm! does that make me old fashioned??

In the late 90s / early naughties I worked nights as an operations supervisor, earning good money I'd burn even faster on flying. I'd trained up a really good team, and whilst we were 3 on duty, 2 was enough to get the job done. Hell, all of us even had to do it singlehanded at times. We got the flights out on time, with the all the freight and paperwork in order, and everybody was happy. This meant there was a lot of free time, which I used to go on dating and chatting sites, with the explicit aim of finding someone to shag later in the day. My success rate was pretty high, and I made good use of cockpit jump seats, getting to whichever part of the country the lady I'd chatted up lived in.

But it was never for long-lasting relationships, they've all come about in the old fashioned way: Meeting someone via mutual friends.

L410Turbolet wrote:

Last resort of sheer desperation, imho. Friends hooking you up with their friends works the best for me and filters out the real psychos.

That's never worked for me. My friends are absolutely horrible at setting me up so I have to find my own dates. They think they know what's good for me but they don't.

DGVT wrote:

Online dating is like buying a used car. Online pics look great, but I get severely disappointed when we meet face to face.

So true. The most common times this happens are when meeting foreigners (usually Asians). They text fluently, but when meeting up, their accent is so thick and their English so broken that it's almost impossible to think that you can go through with it*.

I've faced the issue where online the person is exciting and eager, but in real life they're a bore. I went out with a guy who answered questions with yes/no (no explanations or anything). Then, when discussing stuff that he was seriously incorrect, I'd correct him on the spot, and at one point he retorted with "do you always have to be right? Can you let me win a debate?". Thank goodness this was towards the end of the meal.

*For what it's worth, I'm not ridiculing accents or broken English. But unless I know how to speak their native language, communication will be very difficult and it will be very hard to go on further dates. I usually don't have that problem when dating Hispanics (Spanish!), but I don't speak Japanese or Mandarin or Korean, so...yeah.

L410Turbolet wrote:

filters out the real psychos.

Another thought on this: everyone has that crazy friend (weirdo, psycho, crazy, obsessed, etc.). Do you really want to take a chance with your friend setting you up with that kind of friend (to you they may be psychos, but to them, they're just being themselves)?

einsteinboricua wrote:

I've faced the issue where online the person is exciting and eager, but in real life they're a bore. I went out with a guy who answered questions with yes/no (no explanations or anything). Then, when discussing stuff that he was seriously incorrect, I'd correct him on the spot, and at one point he retorted with "do you always have to be right? Can you let me win a debate?". Thank goodness this was towards the end of the meal.

Ugh. If he thought people are supposed to let others win debates, then he didn't understand the first thing about debating. The perfect retort would have been "If you want to win a debate then don't come to a battle of wits unarmed".

Moose135 wrote:

WarRI1 wrote:

Thank goodness I never had to use online dating, I prefer the old methods myself. Hmm! does that make me old fashioned??

Old methods? You hit on women at bars?

You got me!