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Jouhou
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Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 7:45 am

So, I'm a woman in a line of work that's about 90-95% men. There aren't a lot of women. I don't currently have any conflicts with the men I work with. But there is a woman there, who for years has behaved passive-aggressively towards me for no reason. I keep just deciding to keep working, avoid her when she's being hostile towards me, and ask my supervisor to ask her supervisor to tell her to knock it off. When backs off for like 2 weeks to a month at a time before she starts in again. And her passive aggression is starting to get more overtly aggressive, yesterday she approached me out of the blue to rip into me about things that are none of her business and were a bunch of half truths, telling me I've single handedly delayed a project, and throwing a few thinly veiled threats to undermine me behind the scenes. So after trying realllllly hard to not blow up at her I went in to work early today to tell management *everything* she said to me and just saying I really want her to stop it. Now management is on my side and she can't do much to me, but she is interfering with my work in a way that is just completely unacceptable.

So, knowing the demographic makeup of this forum is very similar to my workplace, what would you guys recommend as the most respectable solution to me dealing with her? I know dudes are just as uncomfortable with "catty" behavior as I am and I sort of want to dodge the perception of myself being "catty" while still fighting back and doing something to force her to stop.
 
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cpd
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 8:01 am

That's bullying - you need to document it all precisely so there is no question. Then present it clearly when it continues.

Any times that she tries to come to your desk to follow up on something, meet her half way. Always be a step ahead as well, if you can.

Your job is to do your own job properly and don't get involved in the fighting.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 8:17 am

cpd wrote:
That's bullying - you need to document it all precisely so there is no question. Then present it clearly when it continues.

Any times that she tries to come to your desk to follow up on something, meet her half way. Always be a step ahead as well, if you can.

Your job is to do your own job properly and don't get involved in the fighting.


Pretty much what I've been doing. I used to ask my managers who were angry about how she was interfering with my work to go easy on her, but I've gotten pretty fed up with it and have now escalated the issue. It bothers me that I'm having to drag so many people into it but she needs to stop and If I directly confront her about the issue without witnesses I'm 100% sure she will twist my words and make something up about me threatening her or something. So, basically, dragging all of my management into it is the only option because if I do directly speak to her about it I need witnesses to the discussion. Unless anyone has any better ideas.

It's a known psychological phenomenon where women in mostly male workplaces will get very aggressive with each other and try to undermine each other's work. I try to stay aware of it and try to not engage in it, I wish others would do the same.
 
BestWestern
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 8:35 am

Take a note of everything.
Get the company anti bullying policy.
Ask for a formal meeting with your manager and perhaps after that HR.

Do this by the book, or you could be the one accused of bullying.
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Dutchy
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 8:54 am

Not good, perhaps ask for some mediation, you don't know what the problem is for this behavior. And indeed, document everything, if this escalates, you are prepared.

Such a same you can't get along, in a male environment, women should stay together. A balance between men and women on the workplace is a good thing.
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Airstud
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:15 am

Jouhou wrote:
I used to ask my managers who were angry about how she was interfering with my work to go easy on her


Why?
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777Jet
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:17 am

Next time she does this, shock her with two words that she might not expect to hear from you... You whisper to her "F off" and give her a big, long smile at the same time before ignoring her and walking off.
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 10:01 am

Airstud wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
I used to ask my managers who were angry about how she was interfering with my work to go easy on her


Why?


Because at that point I wasn't sure if she wasn't just extremely immature and wasn't handling her emotions well. I wouldn't consider that a threat, just a nuissance. I cut my other coworkers slack for their personality quirks, we need to be able to work together.

Problem is that her behavior is now a pattern and it's getting worse which indicates to me she is acting aggressively rather than... emotionally... since she seems to have mistaken my tolerance for weakness and is trying to exploit what she sees as weakness.

Which is strange that she might think that, because I definitely was able to use official channels to get a (SEVERELY) abusive supervisor removed from his position. Then again, I didn't gloat or tell people he was removed because of my reporting him for misconduct either. He tried to use the public knowledge that we were "fighting" to make me look like the bad guy. I responded by providing evidence that the reason why I was "fighting" with him was because I was trying to stop him from making decisions that ended up costing us tens of thousands of dollars in damages. Bullies tend to not cover their selves very well.

I kind of hope I can get her to stop before I have to do the same thing to her. She's also not my supervisor nor is she in my department so I don't feel threatened.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 10:22 am

After that barely related tangent, yes, I work for the government, all it takes is a call to the IG with evidence in hand.

I was more looking for the ideal, respectable, solution to make her understand I will defend myself and she needs to stop. I don't need to go to the IG on this.... yet anyways.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 10:29 am

If you can no longer ignore her, go for the kill. Which means play it by the book, document everything involve the superiors, human resources, if you have a special anti-bullying office bring them in to. If you can lay traps and force her to make mistakes, keep the pressure up until she is fired.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 10:39 am

seahawk wrote:
If you can no longer ignore her, go for the kill. Which means play it by the book, document everything involve the superiors, human resources, if you have a special anti-bullying office bring them in to. If you can lay traps and force her to make mistakes, keep the pressure up until she is fired.


Like I said, I'm not going to aim for getting her fired. Operationally we need as many engineers as possible right now (she's an engineering tech). I understand she's useful to us as long as we can force her to reel in her nastiness. Likewise, I'm absolutely non-disposable and don't participate in any skeevy shit so I'm 100% certain she doesn't have leverage to get me fired either. She's on shakier ground, she already almost lost her job this year because of something unrelated that she did wrong. (Massive security violation)
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 11:23 am

You must assume that she will try to go for the kill once you act against her. She does not seem to act reasonable under normal conditions, so it is imho unreasonable to assume she would act differently in an open conflict.

It does not matter if you want her fired, but you must be prepared that the conflict can end with this.
 
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TWA772LR
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 1:57 pm

Gender has nothing to do with this. Your situation is similar to the one I just left about a month ago. She either feels threatened by you, is a control freak, seriously needs to get laid, or a combination.

Documenting, physically writing down, what she does will be your best asset. Don't tell anyone you're doing this unless you absolutely trust them or she treats them the same way. If she's in a position of power over you and decides to take action, make a big stink of it; send emails all the way to the VP level of the company (with every preceding recipient CC'd) about every couple hours as well as the head of HR. If your job is unionized, get your reps in on it to. And even literally ask every supervisor/manager you run in to very overtly if they know what her problem is.

When its time to be aggressive, do your best to hold back the words you really want to use, make yourself look like the victim. And do everything by the book.
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bennett123
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 3:18 pm

Two things;

1. Follow the process to the letter.

2. No more Mr Nice Guy.

She will play for keeps, so must you.
 
Maloak33
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 3:21 pm

Something I learned a very long time ago, when talking to a co-worker(regardless of the issue at hand) always reply as if you were recorded. By doing that they can't hold anything over your head.

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cpd
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 4:13 pm

Jouhou wrote:
seahawk wrote:
If you can no longer ignore her, go for the kill. Which means play it by the book, document everything involve the superiors, human resources, if you have a special anti-bullying office bring them in to. If you can lay traps and force her to make mistakes, keep the pressure up until she is fired.


Like I said, I'm not going to aim for getting her fired. Operationally we need as many engineers as possible right now (she's an engineering tech). I understand she's useful to us as long as we can force her to reel in her nastiness. Likewise, I'm absolutely non-disposable and don't participate in any skeevy shit so I'm 100% certain she doesn't have leverage to get me fired either. She's on shakier ground, she already almost lost her job this year because of something unrelated that she did wrong. (Massive security violation)



You are being extremely reasonable. If you face this behaviour, what must her direct reports also face?
 
seb146
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 6:14 pm

To me, catty behavior is "oh, honey... your hair? no." I am not defending her because she does not need to act like this. It is completely unprofessional. I wonder if she is manic? If she has some unchecked mental issue? If you know it is coming, you can prep yourself. That still does not make for a positive work place.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 8:28 pm

Keep it all documented, as stated above a few times, when she comes at you just stay cool and report her. If she gets fired its all on her. You just want to work it seems and she is the one stirring it up, everyone probably sees it to. No one needs to be harassed at work but it happens and going through the right channels is the only way, don't let her actions bring you down.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:21 pm

seb146 wrote:
To me, catty behavior is "oh, honey... your hair? no." I am not defending her because she does not need to act like this. It is completely unprofessional. I wonder if she is manic? If she has some unchecked mental issue? If you know it is coming, you can prep yourself. That still does not make for a positive work place.


Without knowing her outside of work, I find she displays a lot of characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder.

The "catty" part is how she uses a fake-nice tone of voice to deliver insults and threats... It actually somehow doesn't get picked up on by a lot of my male coworkers. Enough of them pick up on it though where I do have witnesses.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:29 pm

777Jet wrote:
Next time she does this, shock her with two words that she might not expect to hear from you... You whisper to her "F off" and give her a big, long smile at the same time before ignoring her and walking off.

Well the right idea but could backfire. With another co-worker present firmly and politely tell her to stop harassing you and go away. You just put it in her court and If she doesn't shut up and go away or at least stop her behavior and does triy to escalate, you have a witness.

Giving someone the chance to do the right thing and save face might even bring her around to stopping her disruptive behavior. It doesn't really matter if a person is male or female. Anyone treating you disrespectfully should not be a business as usual work environment.
Last edited by stratclub on Sat May 04, 2019 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:33 pm

Jouhou wrote:
The "catty" part is how she uses a fake-nice tone of voice to deliver insults and threats... It actually somehow doesn't get picked up on by a lot of my male coworkers. Enough of them pick up on it though where I do have witnesses.


Maybe they just don't care and you need to toughen up? Treat others how you want to be treated, right? She would obviously have no problem if you spoke to her like that given that's how she speaks to you. So, if you can't tell her to just "F off", next time she uses the catty talk, just drop the "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever" line in a catty voice and ignore / walk off. Give it right back. It seems that you are not getting any results from what you've tried so far (and have asked the internet for advice) so you might as well just treat her how she treats you. You need to shock her because she might not expect you to react that way. Then she might think that you are not a soft pushover, respect you more, and leave you alone. Bullys usually don't usually like being on the receiving end and sometimes receiving a dose of their own medicine works wonders.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:39 pm

stratclub wrote:
777Jet wrote:
Next time she does this, shock her with two words that she might not expect to hear from you... You whisper to her "F off" and give her a big, long smile at the same time before ignoring her and walking off.

Well the right idea but could backfire. With another co-worker present firmly and pleasantly tell her to stop harassing you and go away. if she doesn't shut up and go away and tries to escalate, you have a witness.


I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 9:57 pm

777Jet wrote:
stratclub wrote:
777Jet wrote:
Next time she does this, shock her with two words that she might not expect to hear from you... You whisper to her "F off" and give her a big, long smile at the same time before ignoring her and walking off.

Well the right idea but could backfire. With another co-worker present firmly and pleasantly tell her to stop harassing you and go away. if she doesn't shut up and go away and tries to escalate, you have a witness.


I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.


She also had taken down an entire departments worth of management on allegations of sexual misconduct of various forms. They aren't going to turn on me in this case, but they are afraid of her and probably won't do much to help me either. And for the record, one of the guys she had accused of raping her had previously asked me for sex and when I said "No" he was completely cool with it. I hate being a skeptic of such allegations, but in this case... I am.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sat May 04, 2019 11:50 pm

Jouhou wrote:
So, I'm a woman in a line of work that's about 90-95% men. There aren't a lot of women. I don't currently have any conflicts with the men I work with. But there is a woman there, who for years has behaved passive-aggressively towards me for no reason. I keep just deciding to keep working, avoid her when she's being hostile towards me, and ask my supervisor to ask her supervisor to tell her to knock it off. When backs off for like 2 weeks to a month at a time before she starts in again. And her passive aggression is starting to get more overtly aggressive, yesterday she approached me out of the blue to rip into me about things that are none of her business and were a bunch of half truths, telling me I've single handedly delayed a project, and throwing a few thinly veiled threats to undermine me behind the scenes. So after trying realllllly hard to not blow up at her I went in to work early today to tell management *everything* she said to me and just saying I really want her to stop it. Now management is on my side and she can't do much to me, but she is interfering with my work in a way that is just completely unacceptable.

So, knowing the demographic makeup of this forum is very similar to my workplace, what would you guys recommend as the most respectable solution to me dealing with her? I know dudes are just as uncomfortable with "catty" behavior as I am and I sort of want to dodge the perception of myself being "catty" while still fighting back and doing something to force her to stop.


My job is full of people like her. At first I took them head on but learned the ignoring approach works much better. Even then when they can't deal with being ignored and resort to the tactics of trying to interfering with my work it makes it worse for them and they usually destroy themselves. The only one left is now trying to act like my ally against other coworkers and actually try to be my friend but I keep him at arms length. If your supervisors have half a brain they will see it too.
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seb146
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 1:04 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
The "catty" part is how she uses a fake-nice tone of voice to deliver insults and threats... It actually somehow doesn't get picked up on by a lot of my male coworkers. Enough of them pick up on it though where I do have witnesses.


Maybe they just don't care and you need to toughen up? Treat others how you want to be treated, right? She would obviously have no problem if you spoke to her like that given that's how she speaks to you. So, if you can't tell her to just "F off", next time she uses the catty talk, just drop the "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever" line in a catty voice and ignore / walk off. Give it right back. It seems that you are not getting any results from what you've tried so far (and have asked the internet for advice) so you might as well just treat her how she treats you. You need to shock her because she might not expect you to react that way. Then she might think that you are not a soft pushover, respect you more, and leave you alone. Bullys usually don't usually like being on the receiving end and sometimes receiving a dose of their own medicine works wonders.


Men speak to each other differently and, for the most part, understand it. The best example I can give is sports. Hurling backhanded complements at each other and using words that sound like praise but are actually insults. As men, we are used to it. Some women get it and do it well. Some women are just mean and say mean things, others are trying to be "one of the guys". I don't know that I would treat her as she treats you but give it a shot.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 1:40 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
The "catty" part is how she uses a fake-nice tone of voice to deliver insults and threats... It actually somehow doesn't get picked up on by a lot of my male coworkers. Enough of them pick up on it though where I do have witnesses.


Maybe they just don't care and you need to toughen up? Treat others how you want to be treated, right? She would obviously have no problem if you spoke to her like that given that's how she speaks to you. So, if you can't tell her to just "F off", next time she uses the catty talk, just drop the "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever" line in a catty voice and ignore / walk off. Give it right back. It seems that you are not getting any results from what you've tried so far (and have asked the internet for advice) so you might as well just treat her how she treats you. You need to shock her because she might not expect you to react that way. Then she might think that you are not a soft pushover, respect you more, and leave you alone. Bullys usually don't usually like being on the receiving end and sometimes receiving a dose of their own medicine works wonders.


You're really missing the point, she's the kind of person who would intentionally provoke people so she can be telling a half truth when she calls security and lies that you're threatening her. It's a trap. Like I said, she slept with a bunch of people and then when her husband caught her she claimed they made her do it and created absolute chaos in her old department.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 1:56 am

As the old saying goes, sounds like she has a screw loose and that is someone to avoid interacting with. When you see her coming. go the other way to avoid her. She might wish you harm as far a job security goes. Could you enlist someone to be your witness?
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 2:12 am

WarRI1 wrote:
As the old saying goes, sounds like she has a screw loose and that is someone to avoid interacting with. When you see her coming. go the other way to avoid her. She might wish you harm as far a job security goes. Could you enlist someone to be your witness?


Management. My management want to arrange a meeting between theirselves, me, her, and her boss. Right now I'm not sure that's the best idea because if I'm right that she might have Borderline personality disorder she will actually get worse in response to that. Not to mention arranging a meeting like this is like we are pretending there is actually a dispute to resolve (there isn't). As if we are completely ignoring the fact that her behavior is simply unacceptable even if I was somehow provoking it.
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 2:29 am

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:
stratclub wrote:
Well the right idea but could backfire. With another co-worker present firmly and pleasantly tell her to stop harassing you and go away. if she doesn't shut up and go away and tries to escalate, you have a witness.


I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.


She also had taken down an entire departments worth of management on allegations of sexual misconduct of various forms. They aren't going to turn on me in this case, but they are afraid of her and probably won't do much to help me either.


Dangerous person. I'd seek external legal advice from somebody qualified. Have documented evidence outside of the company that can't go missing.

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:
stratclub wrote:
Well the right idea but could backfire. With another co-worker present firmly and pleasantly tell her to stop harassing you and go away. if she doesn't shut up and go away and tries to escalate, you have a witness.


I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.


And for the record, one of the guys she had accused of raping her had previously asked me for sex and when I said "No" he was completely cool with it. I hate being a skeptic of such allegations, but in this case... I am.


The guy has obviously never heard of the saying "don't cr4p where you eat".

Plenty of people out there to bang to not have to bang coworkers.

Jouhou wrote:

You're really missing the point, she's the kind of person who would intentionally provoke people so she can be telling a half truth when she calls security and lies that you're threatening her. It's a trap. Like I said, she slept with a bunch of people and then when her husband caught her she claimed they made her do it and created absolute chaos in her old department.


Why is she doing it? What is her end game? Have you though about those questions?

She is definitely trouble.

If her husband believes a whole "bunch of people" she slept with "made her do it" then he is a wack job too.

Sounds like an interesting place to work at!

I wish you good luck though and I do hope you find a solution to the problem.

What do you think would happen if you slept with her husband? That would really mess her up...
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 2:54 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:

I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.


She also had taken down an entire departments worth of management on allegations of sexual misconduct of various forms. They aren't going to turn on me in this case, but they are afraid of her and probably won't do much to help me either.


Dangerous person. I'd seek external legal advice from somebody qualified. Have documented evidence outside of the company that can't go missing.

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:

I like the "go away" words. Same meaning as "F off", but nicer. But is this person worth being nice to? Also, I've seen a lot of people follow the formal complaint process and get a win after being bullied, only to then end up with the reputation of being a cry baby, a dibber dobber, you know what I mean? Following that process also might make management look at you as a problem even though you are really the victim. That is not pleasant for the victim and apart from the bullying they then have to deal with their new image / reputation. Sometimes all it takes is for the bully to see that you are going to fight back and then they will leave you alone. In some cases they even begin to respect you more.


And for the record, one of the guys she had accused of raping her had previously asked me for sex and when I said "No" he was completely cool with it. I hate being a skeptic of such allegations, but in this case... I am.


The guy has obviously never heard of the saying "don't cr4p where you eat".

Plenty of people out there to bang to not have to bang coworkers.

Jouhou wrote:

You're really missing the point, she's the kind of person who would intentionally provoke people so she can be telling a half truth when she calls security and lies that you're threatening her. It's a trap. Like I said, she slept with a bunch of people and then when her husband caught her she claimed they made her do it and created absolute chaos in her old department.


Why is she doing it? What is her end game? Have you though about those questions?

She is definitely trouble.

If her husband believes a whole "bunch of people" she slept with "made her do it" then he is a wack job too.

Sounds like an interesting place to work at!

I wish you good luck though and I do hope you find a solution to the problem.

What do you think would happen if you slept with her husband? That would really mess her up...


So amongst men there sleeping with one of the handful of us women is something like [achievement unlocked] for them. They're doing it more for trophy collecting and elevating their status with other dudes. Kind of why I *wont* sleep with anyone there even if I want to.

And I'm pretty sure her husband is getting steamrolled emotionally by her. If he's OK enough with it to stick around, it's none of my business really.

As for what her problem is my theories are 1. Borderline personality disorder (she's not lashing out at me for any tangible reason at all) 2. The psychological phenomenon of women becoming more aggressive towards each other in male dominated workplaces 3. I'm one of the most experienced workers around and she feels threatened by the respect I get...

And lastly, 4. All of the above
 
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777Jet
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 3:30 am

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

She also had taken down an entire departments worth of management on allegations of sexual misconduct of various forms. They aren't going to turn on me in this case, but they are afraid of her and probably won't do much to help me either.


Dangerous person. I'd seek external legal advice from somebody qualified. Have documented evidence outside of the company that can't go missing.

Jouhou wrote:

And for the record, one of the guys she had accused of raping her had previously asked me for sex and when I said "No" he was completely cool with it. I hate being a skeptic of such allegations, but in this case... I am.


The guy has obviously never heard of the saying "don't cr4p where you eat".

Plenty of people out there to bang to not have to bang coworkers.

Jouhou wrote:

You're really missing the point, she's the kind of person who would intentionally provoke people so she can be telling a half truth when she calls security and lies that you're threatening her. It's a trap. Like I said, she slept with a bunch of people and then when her husband caught her she claimed they made her do it and created absolute chaos in her old department.


Why is she doing it? What is her end game? Have you though about those questions?

She is definitely trouble.

If her husband believes a whole "bunch of people" she slept with "made her do it" then he is a wack job too.

Sounds like an interesting place to work at!

I wish you good luck though and I do hope you find a solution to the problem.

What do you think would happen if you slept with her husband? That would really mess her up...


And I'm pretty sure her husband is getting steamrolled emotionally by her. If he's OK enough with it to stick around, it's none of my business really.


I was only thinking in my mind the ultimate way to get her back, and that would be to make her think you slept with her husband. That would really set her off. But who knows how she would react to that. That could tip her over the edge. Have you ever met her husband? Is he your type? If so, go for it! That would steamroll her more than having her lose her job...
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 3:43 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:

Dangerous person. I'd seek external legal advice from somebody qualified. Have documented evidence outside of the company that can't go missing.



The guy has obviously never heard of the saying "don't cr4p where you eat".

Plenty of people out there to bang to not have to bang coworkers.



Why is she doing it? What is her end game? Have you though about those questions?

She is definitely trouble.

If her husband believes a whole "bunch of people" she slept with "made her do it" then he is a wack job too.

Sounds like an interesting place to work at!

I wish you good luck though and I do hope you find a solution to the problem.

What do you think would happen if you slept with her husband? That would really mess her up...


And I'm pretty sure her husband is getting steamrolled emotionally by her. If he's OK enough with it to stick around, it's none of my business really.


I was only thinking in my mind the ultimate way to get her back, and that would be to make her think you slept with her husband. That would really set her off. But who knows how she would react to that. That could tip her over the edge. Have you ever met her husband? Is he your type? If so, go for it! That would steamroll her more than having her lose her job...


I'm not sure you are the master of ending psycho-catty disputes...

She and her husband are about 20 years older than me. I'm not into older dudes! He also works with us...
 
BN747
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 4:15 am

TWA772LR wrote:
Gender has nothing to do with this. Your situation is similar to the one I just left about a month ago. She either feels threatened by you, is a control freak, seriously needs to get laid, or a combination.


Gender has everything to do with it.

The two worse co-workers are a sexist male pig and another woman 'who has your number'...meaning she knows exactly how to 'work' you. She knows exactly how far to push your envelope and exactly when to back off.

So, as everyone here has suggested, document, document, document.
Firs thing Monday morning, game changer - if you out of politeness say 'good morning'...stop doing that. If she says such to you (doesn't sound like the type) ignore her.

What has to happen is 'you must' develop a new and separate work personally JUST for this one person. Remain as you are with everyone else, but with her, BECOME the one person she wants to avoid at every turn. Make game of it..notice how she will suddenly become perplexed at how to approach you. And she will try many things...give in to none.

She is a permanent workplace adversary, she will not change..the only way you fall back into the rut you currently deal with is to cut her a break and pursue a false 'friendship or true'.
She is what she and will not change.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 5:02 am

BN747 wrote:
TWA772LR wrote:
Gender has nothing to do with this. Your situation is similar to the one I just left about a month ago. She either feels threatened by you, is a control freak, seriously needs to get laid, or a combination.


Gender has everything to do with it.

The two worse co-workers are a sexist male pig and another woman 'who has your number'...meaning she knows exactly how to 'work' you. She knows exactly how far to push your envelope and exactly when to back off.

At the end of the day, a bad person is a bad person. When I encounter them I don't care who they are, what they stand for, etc... An asshole will always stunk.
When wasn't America great?


The thoughts and opinions shared under this username are mine and are not influenced by my employer.
 
Airstud
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 5:06 am

777Jet wrote:
I was only thinking in my mind the ultimate way to get her back, and that would be to make her think you slept with her husband.


Bulletproof.
Pancakes are delicious.
 
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777Jet
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 5:30 am

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

And I'm pretty sure her husband is getting steamrolled emotionally by her. If he's OK enough with it to stick around, it's none of my business really.


I was only thinking in my mind the ultimate way to get her back, and that would be to make her think you slept with her husband. That would really set her off. But who knows how she would react to that. That could tip her over the edge. Have you ever met her husband? Is he your type? If so, go for it! That would steamroll her more than having her lose her job...


I'm not sure you are the master of ending psycho-catty disputes...

She and her husband are about 20 years older than me. I'm not into older dudes! He also works with us...


I am the master of helping people put themselves into unpleasant situations ;)

I forgot that the hubby worked with you too and the age gap (did you mention that?)...

Well you are younger and most guys are attracted to younger women. Are you the youngest or most attractive woman there? Do you think the woman is jealous of you because she sees you as a threat to her? Does she think her hubby might want to shag you? I'm just throwing ideas out there... Unless she is a complete psycho (in which case there will be no happy ending) there must be a reason to figure the behavior out... You mention all the claims against males, the rape claim, she is older than you, her hubby works there too, your position is safer... add all that together and it seems like bitter jealously and she is trying to get rid of you because she sees you as a threat.
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Jouhou
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 7:05 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:

I was only thinking in my mind the ultimate way to get her back, and that would be to make her think you slept with her husband. That would really set her off. But who knows how she would react to that. That could tip her over the edge. Have you ever met her husband? Is he your type? If so, go for it! That would steamroll her more than having her lose her job...


I'm not sure you are the master of ending psycho-catty disputes...

She and her husband are about 20 years older than me. I'm not into older dudes! He also works with us...


I am the master of helping people put themselves into unpleasant situations ;)

I forgot that the hubby worked with you too and the age gap (did you mention that?)...

Well you are younger and most guys are attracted to younger women. Are you the youngest or most attractive woman there? Do you think the woman is jealous of you because she sees you as a threat to her? Does she think her hubby might want to shag you? I'm just throwing ideas out there... Unless she is a complete psycho (in which case there will be no happy ending) there must be a reason to figure the behavior out... You mention all the claims against males, the rape claim, she is older than you, her hubby works there too, your position is safer... add all that together and it seems like bitter jealously and she is trying to get rid of you because she sees you as a threat.


I see your bad ideas and propose maybe I should do the opposite...

Maybe I should mention I'm on the Depo shot as an off-label treatment for my blood disorder and it renders me pretty much asexual? I'm in no way competing for the attention of our male coworkers, and I try my hardest to look respectable and groomed while not being sexy or attractive...
 
BN747
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Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 5:48 am

Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 7:24 am

TWA772LR wrote:
BN747 wrote:
TWA772LR wrote:
Gender has nothing to do with this. Your situation is similar to the one I just left about a month ago. She either feels threatened by you, is a control freak, seriously needs to get laid, or a combination.


Gender has everything to do with it.

The two worse co-workers are a sexist male pig and another woman 'who has your number'...meaning she knows exactly how to 'work' you. She knows exactly how far to push your envelope and exactly when to back off.

At the end of the day, a bad person is a bad person. When I encounter them I don't care who they are, what they stand for, etc... An asshole will always stunk.


True but, (re: your 'it's not a gender thing') a woman scorned or at war with another woman is something men will never ever understand. Some Gay men are possibly the closest non-females to grasp it.

Recently, on the tv show 'VEEP'..the Julia Louis-Dreyfuss character is busting a gut laughing her ass off watching her female opponent explode (because of a dirty ploy by Dreyfuss) on live tv and after catching her breath she says "Man, when women fall apart, they really fall apart!"

...and she's absolutely right, it's whole other level of raging anger.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
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777Jet
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 7:28 am

Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

I'm not sure you are the master of ending psycho-catty disputes...

She and her husband are about 20 years older than me. I'm not into older dudes! He also works with us...


I am the master of helping people put themselves into unpleasant situations ;)

I forgot that the hubby worked with you too and the age gap (did you mention that?)...

Well you are younger and most guys are attracted to younger women. Are you the youngest or most attractive woman there? Do you think the woman is jealous of you because she sees you as a threat to her? Does she think her hubby might want to shag you? I'm just throwing ideas out there... Unless she is a complete psycho (in which case there will be no happy ending) there must be a reason to figure the behavior out... You mention all the claims against males, the rape claim, she is older than you, her hubby works there too, your position is safer... add all that together and it seems like bitter jealously and she is trying to get rid of you because she sees you as a threat.


I see your bad ideas and propose maybe I should do the opposite...

Maybe I should mention I'm on the Depo shot as an off-label treatment for my blood disorder and it renders me pretty much asexual? I'm in no way competing for the attention of our male coworkers, and I try my hardest to look respectable and groomed while not being sexy or attractive...


My ideas are what I would do if in your situation. If you have allowed to yourself to get in the situation you are in it could be partly to do with bad decisions or choices you have made. Ever think about that? You have probably allowed her to get away with this kind of behavior for too long, or, at least, to a point of no return which she now has passed and believes she can do as she wants. If you told her to "F off" on the first instance you suspected her of playing games the behavior might have stopped. But here we are now. I have helped many people where I used to work deal with these types of humans and it was usually with strong language in their face straight back at them. And now you go on to say that your not "competing for the attention of our male coworkers" - but - your intentions don't matter from the point of view of the other trouble maker you are trying to deal with. Regardless of your good intentions, that woman might think you are and so and so about you and that is in there head. You don't know what they think your intentions are. There are rocks in their head. Maybe hand her a legal letter with a copy to your management telling her to stop harassing you and that if she does not legal action will be taken. That is as about as serious as you can get without doing much harm to anyone. That way she has the chance to stop and everything will just be dropped. However, if she doesn't stop she knows what will happen. I really don't know what else to say. Next time just be stern with them and tell them to "F off" at the first instance. I do wish you luck though and I hope you get her sacked some how because even if her behavior stops you will still be reminded of her unpleasant actions as long as she works there whenever you see her catty face.
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Re: Looking for advice on dealing with Catty coworker

Sun May 05, 2019 8:22 am

777Jet wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
777Jet wrote:

I am the master of helping people put themselves into unpleasant situations ;)

I forgot that the hubby worked with you too and the age gap (did you mention that?)...

Well you are younger and most guys are attracted to younger women. Are you the youngest or most attractive woman there? Do you think the woman is jealous of you because she sees you as a threat to her? Does she think her hubby might want to shag you? I'm just throwing ideas out there... Unless she is a complete psycho (in which case there will be no happy ending) there must be a reason to figure the behavior out... You mention all the claims against males, the rape claim, she is older than you, her hubby works there too, your position is safer... add all that together and it seems like bitter jealously and she is trying to get rid of you because she sees you as a threat.


I see your bad ideas and propose maybe I should do the opposite...

Maybe I should mention I'm on the Depo shot as an off-label treatment for my blood disorder and it renders me pretty much asexual? I'm in no way competing for the attention of our male coworkers, and I try my hardest to look respectable and groomed while not being sexy or attractive...


My ideas are what I would do if in your situation. If you have allowed to yourself to get in the situation you are in it could be partly to do with bad decisions or choices you have made. Ever think about that? You have probably allowed her to get away with this kind of behavior for too long, or, at least, to a point of no return which she now has passed and believes she can do as she wants. If you told her to "F off" on the first instance you suspected her of playing games the behavior might have stopped. But here we are now. I have helped many people where I used to work deal with these types of humans and it was usually with strong language in their face straight back at them. And now you go on to say that your not "competing for the attention of our male coworkers" - but - your intentions don't matter from the point of view of the other trouble maker you are trying to deal with. Regardless of your good intentions, that woman might think you are and so and so about you and that is in there head. You don't know what they think your intentions are. There are rocks in their head. Maybe hand her a legal letter with a copy to your management telling her to stop harassing you and that if she does not legal action will be taken. That is as about as serious as you can get without doing much harm to anyone. That way she has the chance to stop and everything will just be dropped. However, if she doesn't stop she knows what will happen. I really don't know what else to say. Next time just be stern with them and tell them to "F off" at the first instance. I do wish you luck though and I hope you get her sacked some how because even if her behavior stops you will still be reminded of her unpleasant actions as long as she works there whenever you see her catty face.


Dude, I'm infamous for getting a bit "mouthy" with people. Most people I'm not shy about it, one suck up who is now my bosses boss I said of him "why doesn't he just drop to his knees and choke on [insert supervisors name]'s cock? He's pretty much already there and he clearly doesn't care what he's doing in public..." I promptly got reassigned.

This one, no. I worry she'd report me for swearing in front of her ffs. She's not worth it. Telling off that suck pump a while a back was sooo worth getting reassigned.

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