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Veigar
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How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 9:22 am

Lately it is all about electronics or if someone has something you need. You can't just walk up to someone and say "hi, let's be friends" or "hey, how are you doing". <- Anecdotal evidence, I'm sorry, but not a single soul I have met in my 20 years of living (probably an infant compared to some of the people here) has ever expressed interests in things like this. Neighbors do not say hi anymore as they did a decade ago. No one wants to do any of that crap. It's mostly just "mind your own business, freak" if you try being vocally friendly with someone.

Back to my point about "if someone has something you need" - most of this stuff from what I've seen comes from a desire to attain a service, money (if they are rich), or themselves, if they are hot enough (blush).. but like, am I the only one noticing this? The general interest in being social is just nonexistent now unless you absolutely need to talk to a stranger for some reason, or some desire. This was a bit of a tangent, sorry.

This brings me to the actual question of my thread's title - making friends. You don't do it by just randomly asking someone "hey, let's hang out" without being considered weird. Currently all of the friends I have are either long time friendships (spanning at least a decade, meeting when we were like 7 to 10 years old) or someone I just seem to naturally and inexplicably click with, both in terms of interests and enjoyment of the other person. So let's say you're on a Discord server or whatever and in an entirely new place full of people. You can't just randomly ask someone to be friends, can you? How do you do it? Let it build slowly as things connect?

Sorry for the absurdly weird thread but I've been wondering this type of thing for so long. I may seem absolutely stupid in asking this but I really want opinions of people here since I really like a.net.
 
Magog
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 10:22 am

Veigar wrote:
You can't just walk up to someone and say "hi, let's be friends" or "hey, how are you doing".

That’s always been true.

My advice is to join a group or club that involves something that you are interested in and meets in person. It may be awkward at first, but stick with it.
 
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Veigar
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 11:05 am

Magog wrote:
Veigar wrote:
You can't just walk up to someone and say "hi, let's be friends" or "hey, how are you doing".

That’s always been true.

My advice is to join a group or club that involves something that you are interested in and meets in person. It may be awkward at first, but stick with it.



Is this strictly in person, or also online?

If in person, it is not as easy for me to do so as I am not in school anymore at the moment. As for online, I guess that can work, but the awkwardness often times drives me (and the other person) from actually continuing to have a discussion beyond just hello. Also, after a few days of talking with someone, sometimes we just kind of stop talking to each other. It gets a bit difficult.
 
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Braybuddy
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 11:06 am

Veigar wrote:
You can't just randomly ask someone to be friends, can you?

Heavens no! But this is nothing new, this has ALWAYS been the case.

Veigar wrote:
How do you do it? Let it build slowly as things connect?

Yup. You get to know people gradually, so you do need constant contact, preferably person-to-person. People don't usually show their true selves initially, so it's a process of elimination over time. The people you like and gel with will rise to the surface, others will fade into the background and disappear.

It's not easy to make real friends, but as I've said already, it's always been like this.
 
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cranberrysaus
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 1:04 pm

Veigar wrote:
Magog wrote:
Veigar wrote:
You can't just walk up to someone and say "hi, let's be friends" or "hey, how are you doing".

That’s always been true.

My advice is to join a group or club that involves something that you are interested in and meets in person. It may be awkward at first, but stick with it.



Is this strictly in person, or also online?

If in person, it is not as easy for me to do so as I am not in school anymore at the moment. As for online, I guess that can work, but the awkwardness often times drives me (and the other person) from actually continuing to have a discussion beyond just hello. Also, after a few days of talking with someone, sometimes we just kind of stop talking to each other. It gets a bit difficult.


Definitely in person. Check if your area has a meetup group or a subreddit, or see if there's a local community for a particular hobby or interest that you enjoy.
 
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Dieuwer
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 1:52 pm

Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.
 
GalaxyFlyer
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 2:54 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Very much agreed, loneliness is cause of mental and physical health problems. Many of the mass killers in the US have suffered from loneliness and isolation. The elderly as well as children move out, friends move or die. Being outgoing and friendly is the starting characteristic. Make efforts to stay in touch with people from the past.


GF
 
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Aesma
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 4:01 pm

Join a club.

For me, skydiving club.

At least you start with like minded people.
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fr8mech
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 4:19 pm

Aesma wrote:
Join a club.


I think this is the key. Too many people of the current generation, and the millennials, I think, rely too much on virtual social interaction and not enough on actual social interaction.

Whether your cub is a church, a sporting hobby, a school, etc., you'll find like-minded people. Hell, I just went to a dinner theatre with some tickets we won, and were seated at a table with people that met at that dinner theatre and have been friends since.

The only way to meet people to meet actual people, not their avatars.
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seb146
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 5:17 pm

I do not think this is an "absurdly weird thread". I think it is bringing up some interesting points.

I have social phobia but it's okay because I don't care much for people, anyway. I don't know which is cause and which is effect. The brosband thinks people are great and has the "never met a stranger" attitude. How do I survive? Alcohol. Not the most healthy answer.

I also learned that taking a class helps with socializing. I took business classes at a public junior college when we lived in California. I met some wonderful people, some of whom I am still in touch with. At one point, I even challenged myself to simply talk about the weather with someone I thought I would never have anything in common with. We ended up getting on great and helping each other.
You bet I'm pumped!!! I just had a green tea!!!
 
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Jouhou
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 5:19 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.
 
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Moose135
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 5:33 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.

I'm from the tail end of the Baby Boom generation, in my late 50s. Back then, we couldn't take selfies of ourselves 24/7 because we didn't have cameras on our phones - and the phones were wired into the wall, making it tougher to carry them around with us, but I wouldn't be surprised if Boomers would have taken selfies back then if they could have. I've seen lots of photos my father took of friends or family together - wanting photos of yourselves doing things isn't a new phenomenon.

I will say that when the girlfriend and I go places, we will usually take a selfie (usie?) of ourselves with something of where we are visiting in the background as a reminder of our trip. That's in addition to any other photography that we are usually doing. I see a lot of other non-Millennials taking selfies as well.


Jouhou wrote:
Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.

You clearly have a lot to learn about the correct way to be a Millennial! :rotfl:
KC-135 - Passing gas and taking names!
 
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falstaff
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 7:19 pm

Joining a club is a good way to meet like minded people. For example I collect vintage brewery memorabilia (Falstaff Beer mostly) and over the last 22 years I have made A LOT of friends in the three national organizations of breweriana collectors. There are local and national trade shows all over the county and I met a lot of fun people. I started traveling internationally because I met people from other countries and wanted to go to collector events in other countries. There are brewery collectible people everywhere.

If you are a car person you can join a car club. I am a member of the Michigan Fiero Club and there are about 40 members who own 1984-88 Pontiac Fieros. We get together monthly for dinner and sometimes have special events. There are lots of great clubs out there for just about every hobby. If you like trains and model trains there are clubs all over the world for you.

If you are religious you can meet a lot of people at church, mosque, synagogue, etc. There are usually organizations within those too. I have made lots of friends through church including my current girlfriend.

The big thing is getting out and actually meeting people. When you know somebody in real life you have a stronger friendship than online only. I don't really know that for sure; I have never had an online only friend. I did meet Superfly on a.net years ago and he was an "online friend" but eventually I met him in real life and we still are friends. I have hung out with him many times and drinking beer and talking about cars, women, music, etc in real life is way cooler than chatting online. If you have some online only friends do a bit of traveling and go hang out in person.

There are generational differences with Gen X people like me and younger folks. Having an online only friend was impossible in my youth.
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Kno
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 7:30 pm

Jouhou wrote:
Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


Agreed!
 
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Moose135
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 8:21 pm

falstaff wrote:
I am a member of the Michigan Fiero Club and there are about 40 members who own 1984-88 Pontiac Fieros.

Wow! Who knew there were still 40 Fieros on the road! :rotfl:
KC-135 - Passing gas and taking names!
 
LittleFokker
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 8:29 pm

Jouhou wrote:
Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


In the 1500s, rich people would hire artists to paint portraits of themselves so that their face would forever live on. Selfies are not a millennial thing - they're a certain type of human thing. Cell phones cameras only make selfies easier and more common. I know baby boomers who take a bunch of selfies (and probably shouldn't). I think I can count on one hand the number of selfies I've taken in my life, and I don't even like to pose for pictures taken by others. If Napoleon had a cell phone camera, he'd have 1000 selfies on his Instagram, I guaran-damn-tee it.
"All human activities are doomed to failure." - Jean Paul Sartre
 
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Dieuwer
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 8:36 pm

LittleFokker wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


In the 1500s, rich people would hire artists to paint portraits of themselves so that their face would forever live on. Selfies are not a millennial thing - they're a certain type of human thing. Cell phones cameras only make selfies easier and more common. I know baby boomers who take a bunch of selfies (and probably shouldn't). I think I can count on one hand the number of selfies I've taken in my life, and I don't even like to pose for pictures taken by others. If Napoleon had a cell phone camera, he'd have 1000 selfies on his Instagram, I guaran-damn-tee it.


Good point! :D

P.S. Since when are Millennials those born 1980-2000? I thought Millennials were born 1990-2010? I find nothing Millennia-ish about 1980... I mean, synthesizer music and stuff??? And the millennium was still 20 years away in 1980.
 
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trpmb6
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 8:52 pm

I'm a millennial in my 30s. People think millennials are incapable of socializing but they just don't frequent the places we frequent. Ever been to a craft brewery? THAT is where you go to make new friends or date someone in today's age.

Things I do that I have gained friends from:

My core group of friends are people I went to college with and now work with.
Coworkers
Soccer teammates (once a week)
Softball teammates (mostly my core group at this point but we add folks in from different circles)
Other friend circles merging with other friend circles - biggest contributor. Tell your friends to bring their friends to events. Its huge in helping bring people who may feel socially awkward at an event where they may not know a lot of people, and it also will help grow your own network. If you invite 5 of your close friends, and tell them to all bring one of their friends from out side your network, you just doubled your network in one meeting.
 
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cpd
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 9:22 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.



Just meet people with common interests - simple!

No religion isn’t a problem unless you make it one.

I have plenty of friends, some religious, some not. Their religion isn’t my business, and they don’t ask about mine. But, those who are religious, I’m respectful and mindful of that.

Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.
 
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lugie
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 9:39 pm

Dieuwer wrote:

Good point! :D

P.S. Since when are Millennials those born 1980-2000? I thought Millennials were born 1990-2010? I find nothing Millennia-ish about 1980... I mean, synthesizer music and stuff??? And the millennium was still 20 years away in 1980.


Millennials are generally characterized as born between 1980-2000. The later generation is what people call Generation Z, which they tend to define as those born after 1996 -> as you see, there's a bit of an overlap of a few years (I fall into that area, being born in 1997).

For all the 1996-1999 babies, whether you're considered more of a millennial or a Gen Z depends on a lot of subjective factors but lets be honest, all those "Generation" categories are major BS. Just an undifferentiated catch-all term that members of other generations can use to trash talk "today's youth".
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Veigar
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Tue May 07, 2019 9:47 pm

First and foremost I would like to thank everyone that has chimed in their two cents. I really appreciate it.


Dieuwer wrote:
LittleFokker wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


In the 1500s, rich people would hire artists to paint portraits of themselves so that their face would forever live on. Selfies are not a millennial thing - they're a certain type of human thing. Cell phones cameras only make selfies easier and more common. I know baby boomers who take a bunch of selfies (and probably shouldn't). I think I can count on one hand the number of selfies I've taken in my life, and I don't even like to pose for pictures taken by others. If Napoleon had a cell phone camera, he'd have 1000 selfies on his Instagram, I guaran-damn-tee it.


Good point! :D

P.S. Since when are Millennials those born 1980-2000? I thought Millennials were born 1990-2010? I find nothing Millennia-ish about 1980... I mean, synthesizer music and stuff??? And the millennium was still 20 years away in 1980.



Being born in 1999 myself, I don't know if I particularly enjoy taking selfies all the time. Usually when I go on trips I always just geek out and take photos of the scenery, or of aircraft I am flying on. I don't really find it entertaining to use Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram... etc. The only online-thing program I'd consider a "millenial" trait of mine is to use Discord - plenty of boomers actually use it as well, but it's moreso a median to talk to people than anything else. Basically just a strange way of saying I don't fit in with people my age - you know, going to parties, getting absolutely wasted, sleeping with some random girl, doing some random drug.. it just seems pointless to me. I live in Las Vegas so that's kind of the culture here when it comes to that. People my age also are particularly hard to find if they are also not into this stuff.

As for the "avatar" point - that's also true! I have lately been making efforts to meet people I have met online in person, it always ends up going very well.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Wed May 08, 2019 4:14 am

Dieuwer wrote:
LittleFokker wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


In the 1500s, rich people would hire artists to paint portraits of themselves so that their face would forever live on. Selfies are not a millennial thing - they're a certain type of human thing. Cell phones cameras only make selfies easier and more common. I know baby boomers who take a bunch of selfies (and probably shouldn't). I think I can count on one hand the number of selfies I've taken in my life, and I don't even like to pose for pictures taken by others. If Napoleon had a cell phone camera, he'd have 1000 selfies on his Instagram, I guaran-damn-tee it.


Good point! :D

P.S. Since when are Millennials those born 1980-2000? I thought Millennials were born 1990-2010? I find nothing Millennia-ish about 1980... I mean, synthesizer music and stuff??? And the millennium was still 20 years away in 1980.


I kind of always figured the term referred to our coming of age around the new millennium rather than referring to when we were born.

Gen-Z might appear hopelessly addicted to the technology they were born into, but on the flip-side they are far more savvy about it. They're better at spotting scams or social media manipulation while in older generations you see some intelligent people falling for some blatantly fake and scammy stuff on the internet. They're the generation that is best adapted to modern technology.
 
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Braybuddy
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Wed May 08, 2019 6:49 am

Veigar wrote:
Basically just a strange way of saying I don't fit in with people my age - you know, going to parties, getting absolutely wasted, sleeping with some random girl, doing some random drug.. it just seems pointless to me. I live in Las Vegas so that's kind of the culture here when it comes to that. People my age also are particularly hard to find if they are also not into this stuff

From your avatar I had assumed you were a girl, but seems like I got that wrong. You come across as a little shy, but with some great qualities: basic decency, consideration for others and someone who knows their own mind and who won't bow to peer pressure being obvious ones, so you should do very well in the friendship stakes once you start getting to know people. And that's the key, getting to know people. Going up to strangers and asking them if they want to be friends isn't a good idea at all. That's fine for six-year-olds, but it only comes across as creepy or as looking for something otherwise. If you do want to make contact with people you know to see but haven't been introduced (particularly girls you might like), you can always think of something witty or funny to say, mention it to them and walk away. They'll remember you, and most likely be intrigued, for all the right reasons. But don't push anything on anyone: that only comes across as needy.

And remember, if you're stuck for conversation ask questions (without being too intrusive). People love talking about themselves. There's an old saying: "We're born with one mouth and two ears, use them in that proportion".
 
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Veigar
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Wed May 08, 2019 6:49 pm

Braybuddy wrote:
Veigar wrote:
Basically just a strange way of saying I don't fit in with people my age - you know, going to parties, getting absolutely wasted, sleeping with some random girl, doing some random drug.. it just seems pointless to me. I live in Las Vegas so that's kind of the culture here when it comes to that. People my age also are particularly hard to find if they are also not into this stuff

From your avatar I had assumed you were a girl, but seems like I got that wrong. You come across as a little shy, but with some great qualities: basic decency, consideration for others and someone who knows their own mind and who won't bow to peer pressure being obvious ones, so you should do very well in the friendship stakes once you start getting to know people. And that's the key, getting to know people. Going up to strangers and asking them if they want to be friends isn't a good idea at all. That's fine for six-year-olds, but it only comes across as creepy or as looking for something otherwise. If you do want to make contact with people you know to see but haven't been introduced (particularly girls you might like), you can always think of something witty or funny to say, mention it to them and walk away. They'll remember you, and most likely be intrigued, for all the right reasons. But don't push anything on anyone: that only comes across as needy.

And remember, if you're stuck for conversation ask questions (without being too intrusive). People love talking about themselves. There's an old saying: "We're born with one mouth and two ears, use them in that proportion".


Strangely enough, the friends I have now are mostly a result of that 5 year old mentality of "let's be friends" and it kind of just stuck, even all these years later. Also, yeah, whenever I start to talk to someone, I like to always make it about them.. I guess I just have trouble figuring out when to stop and when to resume. I'm definitely a bit shy, but not when it comes to just general mingling or socializing. My "shyness" only really starts to show when people ask me about personal things such as what type of music I listen to. I can talk perfectly fine about basically anything else, as long as they are not my specific interests. I guess that's a problem.

Funny you mention girls, I would consider myself bisexual, but I just said "girls" as a general term for things people do around here. Won't go into detail but I think guy on guy mobile dating apps are huge here too, but it just seems a bit out of the ordinary to mention... anyways, that's irrelevant, I view both genders exactly the same and often times that also leads into a bit of issues. How I talk to a girl versus a guy. I'm in a relationship right now but still have trouble talking to other girls despite that, even for just normal friendships. As if they have like a smaller attention span or something.
 
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Braybuddy
Posts: 6583
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 8:14 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Wed May 08, 2019 7:29 pm

Veigar wrote:
I'm definitely a bit shy, but not when it comes to just general mingling or socializing. My "shyness" only really starts to show when people ask me about personal things such as what type of music I listen to. I can talk perfectly fine about basically anything else, as long as they are not my specific interests. I guess that's a problem.

Funny you mention girls, I would consider myself bisexual, but I just said "girls" as a general term for things people do around here. Won't go into detail but I think guy on guy mobile dating apps are huge here too, but it just seems a bit out of the ordinary to mention... anyways, that's irrelevant, I view both genders exactly the same and often times that also leads into a bit of issues. How I talk to a girl versus a guy. I'm in a relationship right now but still have trouble talking to other girls despite that, even for just normal friendships. As if they have like a smaller attention span or something.

I get where you're coming from, as I was extremely shy at your age, with zero confidence to boot. You do have to work at it, but you eventually grow out of it. It's interesting that you're shy about talking about your interests: most people would be more shy about talking about their personal life, so I guess you have no problem talking about that, which is good. People are always interested in other people's personal lives, their struggles, their hopes, their fears, and particularly their relationships. So opening up to someone about your own life should be of interest if you're stuck for conversation. You often find that the other person will say "Oh I know exactly what you're talking about, I was in a similar situation . . ", and then they start opening-up about their life. You can very often bond with someone over sharing warts-and-all details like that. Just don't overdo it!

I used to work with a guy who was extremely intelligent, but he had no friends. I often wondered why, and then I realised conversation with him was always about current affairs, work or company gossip. He never opened-up about his personal life to anyone.
 
FlyDeltaJetsATL
Posts: 136
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:39 am

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:30 am

cpd wrote:
Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.


It is quite ironic for a cyclist to throw the words "whingers and whiners" around given the appalling way most cyclists behave when on the road. Acting like they own the roads. Pulling in front of registration paying motor vehicles at red lights, even on inclines, and not even trying when the light goes green. Lane splitting and knocking off car mirrors and just riding off like scumbags knowing they cannot be identified as they do not have a registration plate. Riding several abreast and taking up more than one lane therefore delaying traffic. Yelling at, abusing and harassing other road users for little things then going on to break the road rules themselves. Running red lights at intersections. Having a go at others for breaking some road rule then committing the same traffic offences themselves. Spitting at and hitting car drivers through their windows. Kicking the side of cars. Cyclists are the biggest hypocrites and most arrogant people using public roads by far. There are no bigger "whingers and whiners" then cyclists themselves. So many would be better off under the rear wheels of the bus they just cut off, which slammed on the brakes injuring passengers, instead of being able to just ride away unaccountable into the sunset to do it all again minutes later at the next intersection.

Jesse
FLY DELTA JETS
 
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DL717
Posts: 1506
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 1:58 pm

Jouhou wrote:
Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


That’s called being the exception, not the rule. Welcome to being a frustrated Millennial. It’s an unfortunate state of affairs for those in your age group who aren’t hung up on your cell phone. Your cohorts will consider you an outcast, even though they are the assholes.
Last edited by DL717 on Sat May 11, 2019 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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DL717
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 2:01 pm

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
cpd wrote:
Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.


It is quite ironic for a cyclist to throw the words "whingers and whiners" around given the appalling way most cyclists behave when on the road. Acting like they own the roads. Pulling in front of registration paying motor vehicles at red lights, even on inclines, and not even trying when the light goes green. Lane splitting and knocking off car mirrors and just riding off like scumbags knowing they cannot be identified as they do not have a registration plate. Riding several abreast and taking up more than one lane therefore delaying traffic. Yelling at, abusing and harassing other road users for little things then going on to break the road rules themselves. Running red lights at intersections. Having a go at others for breaking some road rule then committing the same traffic offences themselves. Spitting at and hitting car drivers through their windows. Kicking the side of cars. Cyclists are the biggest hypocrites and most arrogant people using public roads by far. There are no bigger "whingers and whiners" then cyclists themselves. So many would be better off under the rear wheels of the bus they just cut off, which slammed on the brakes injuring passengers, instead of being able to just ride away unaccountable into the sunset to do it all again minutes later at the next intersection.

Jesse


This is the minority of environmental activist cyclists and weekend warriors riding bikes that cost so much that they could have bought a car. It’s like these groups of cyclists that think it’s funny to get together en masses and block roads in the name of saving the environment, being too stupid to recognize that causing a traffic jam under the pretense that taking time from drivers will somehow force them out of their cars while being completely ignorant to the fact that a car sitting idle is the point at which a car releases the greatest amount of pollution.
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Dieuwer
Posts: 1272
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 4:33 pm

If making friends is hard, going on a date is apparently harder.
So I did last night. We went to see art, listened to music and had something to eat. I really had a great time. But in the end I wanted to leave it at that I just go home by myself. Basically, be friends and not lovers. Let's say that didn't go over well. When I got home I got a tirade of text messages accusing me of being nasty, mean, fake, hurtful, "how can you do this", "I thought you found me attractive", etc.
Seems to me that people have become incapable of accepting that not every works out as they thought it would be and have sky high expectations.
 
c933103
Posts: 3694
Joined: Wed May 18, 2016 7:23 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 4:44 pm

Veigar wrote:
Strangely enough, the friends I have now are mostly a result of that 5 year old mentality of "let's be friends" and it kind of just stuck, even all these years later. Also, yeah, whenever I start to talk to someone, I like to always make it about them.. I guess I just have trouble figuring out when to stop and when to resume. I'm definitely a bit shy, but not when it comes to just general mingling or socializing. My "shyness" only really starts to show when people ask me about personal things such as what type of music I listen to. I can talk perfectly fine about basically anything else, as long as they are not my specific interests. I guess that's a problem.

Funny you mention girls, I would consider myself bisexual, but I just said "girls" as a general term for things people do around here. Won't go into detail but I think guy on guy mobile dating apps are huge here too, but it just seems a bit out of the ordinary to mention... anyways, that's irrelevant, I view both genders exactly the same and often times that also leads into a bit of issues. How I talk to a girl versus a guy. I'm in a relationship right now but still have trouble talking to other girls despite that, even for just normal friendships. As if they have like a smaller attention span or something.

If the '5 year old mentality of "let's be friends"' worked for you then I guess it is okay for you to continue using that mentality to meet random people that you will encounter in the future and make friends with them. After you made enough friends then chances are some of them will share enough commonality/mentality/feeling with you for your friendship with them to be further developed.
This is a placeholder.
 
TSS
Posts: 3126
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 4:54 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
If making friends is hard, going on a date is apparently harder.
So I did last night. We went to see art, listened to music and had something to eat. I really had a great time. But in the end I wanted to leave it at that I just go home by myself. Basically, be friends and not lovers. Let's say that didn't go over well. When I got home I got a tirade of text messages accusing me of being nasty, mean, fake, hurtful, "how can you do this", "I thought you found me attractive", etc.
Seems to me that people have become incapable of accepting that not every works out as they thought it would be and have sky high expectations.

You're not alone. There's an entire subreddit devoted to encounters like yours called "r/nicegirls". Here are just a few examples- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVhG9cjJOks
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
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DL717
Posts: 1506
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 10:53 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:19 pm

Dieuwer wrote:
If making friends is hard, going on a date is apparently harder.
So I did last night. We went to see art, listened to music and had something to eat. I really had a great time. But in the end I wanted to leave it at that I just go home by myself. Basically, be friends and not lovers. Let's say that didn't go over well. When I got home I got a tirade of text messages accusing me of being nasty, mean, fake, hurtful, "how can you do this", "I thought you found me attractive", etc.
Seems to me that people have become incapable of accepting that not every works out as they thought it would be and have sky high expectations.


She sounds like a real peach. :eyepopping:
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waterpolodan
Posts: 1617
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:46 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:33 pm

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
cpd wrote:
Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.


It is quite ironic for a cyclist to throw the words "whingers and whiners" around given the appalling way most cyclists behave when on the road. Acting like they own the roads. Pulling in front of registration paying motor vehicles at red lights, even on inclines, and not even trying when the light goes green. Lane splitting and knocking off car mirrors and just riding off like scumbags knowing they cannot be identified as they do not have a registration plate. Riding several abreast and taking up more than one lane therefore delaying traffic. Yelling at, abusing and harassing other road users for little things then going on to break the road rules themselves. Running red lights at intersections. Having a go at others for breaking some road rule then committing the same traffic offences themselves. Spitting at and hitting car drivers through their windows. Kicking the side of cars. Cyclists are the biggest hypocrites and most arrogant people using public roads by far. There are no bigger "whingers and whiners" then cyclists themselves. So many would be better off under the rear wheels of the bus they just cut off, which slammed on the brakes injuring passengers, instead of being able to just ride away unaccountable into the sunset to do it all again minutes later at the next intersection.

Jesse


Jesus christ what a load of crap. I've hardly posted here in years but I had to un-retire to call you out on this garbage, painting "most" cyclists with an absurdly broad brush full of self righteousness and disdain.

First of all, you realize cyclists by and large also pay for the roads they're using the same way you do, by owning a car, paying registration fees, paying taxes, etc? Just because they also sometimes ride bikes on those roads doesn't mean they haven't "bought in", and cycling creates negligible wear and tear on roadways. That's a garbage argument that's supposed to make motorists feel somehow superior or have more of a "right" to the road.

The rest of your rant centers around bad/illegal behavior. Sure, it happens, and it shouldn't, but guess what? Motorists break laws all the time (rolling stop signs, speeding, changing lanes without signaling, passing within 3 feet of cyclists, driving impaired, texting, etc etc), and you'd be hard pressed to prove that "most" cyclists behave that way, yet you seem to actually want them to end up under the wheels of a bus. Lovely.

Try realizing that there are some bad apples out there, but unless you see someone doing something illegal or dangerous, don't assume they're an ass just because they're on a bike. I ride 6,000+ miles a year and I can assure you I don't do any of the things you describe. Please give me some space when passing and don't do anything dangerous or rude, thanks.

Also maybe try reading this and opening your mind a bit-

https://www.bicycling.com/training/a200 ... st-claims/
 
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DL717
Posts: 1506
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 10:53 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:35 pm

waterpolodan wrote:
FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
cpd wrote:
Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.


It is quite ironic for a cyclist to throw the words "whingers and whiners" around given the appalling way most cyclists behave when on the road. Acting like they own the roads. Pulling in front of registration paying motor vehicles at red lights, even on inclines, and not even trying when the light goes green. Lane splitting and knocking off car mirrors and just riding off like scumbags knowing they cannot be identified as they do not have a registration plate. Riding several abreast and taking up more than one lane therefore delaying traffic. Yelling at, abusing and harassing other road users for little things then going on to break the road rules themselves. Running red lights at intersections. Having a go at others for breaking some road rule then committing the same traffic offences themselves. Spitting at and hitting car drivers through their windows. Kicking the side of cars. Cyclists are the biggest hypocrites and most arrogant people using public roads by far. There are no bigger "whingers and whiners" then cyclists themselves. So many would be better off under the rear wheels of the bus they just cut off, which slammed on the brakes injuring passengers, instead of being able to just ride away unaccountable into the sunset to do it all again minutes later at the next intersection.

Jesse


Jesus christ what a load of crap. I've hardly posted here in years but I had to un-retire to call you out on this garbage, painting "most" cyclists with an absurdly broad brush full of self righteousness and disdain.

First of all, you realize cyclists by and large also pay for the roads they're using the same way you do, by owning a car, paying registration fees, paying taxes, etc? Just because they also sometimes ride bikes on those roads doesn't mean they haven't "bought in", and cycling creates negligible wear and tear on roadways. That's a garbage argument that's supposed to make motorists feel somehow superior or have more of a "right" to the road.

The rest of your rant centers around bad/illegal behavior. Sure, it happens, and it shouldn't, but guess what? Motorists break laws all the time (rolling stop signs, speeding, changing lanes without signaling, passing within 3 feet of cyclists, driving impaired, texting, etc etc), and you'd be hard pressed to prove that "most" cyclists behave that way, yet you seem to actually want them to end up under the wheels of a bus. Lovely.

Try realizing that there are some bad apples out there, but unless you see someone doing something illegal or dangerous, don't assume they're an ass just because they're on a bike. I ride 6,000+ miles a year and I can assure you I don't do any of the things you describe. Please give me some space when passing and don't do anything dangerous or rude, thanks.

Also maybe try reading this and opening your mind a bit-

https://www.bicycling.com/training/a200 ... st-claims/


Nevermind the fact that cyclists have exactly zero wear and tear on roads, that are paid for by property taxes and other assessments in neighborhoods. Fuel taxes go to highways.

LOL. Just noticed the linked article comments on that.

Maybe he doesn’t use sidewalks... anywho, the largest transportation menace today is any idiot behind a wheel texting on their cell.
Last edited by DL717 on Sat May 11, 2019 5:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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waterpolodan
Posts: 1617
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:46 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:40 pm

To the original point of this post, yea, find a group. I had a period of time in my early/mid 20s where I had trouble making new friends and spent too much time online doing stuff like posting on forums or playing games. Then I got a bike and started riding a lot, then I started racing, and I've made some of my best friends in my current city through group rides and races. We don't just ride together, we go out and hang out together all the time, they're good people with similar worldviews and interests.

Another thing that's helped is starting a job at a company with a lot of younger people. I used to work for an insurance company where I (then ~27) was the youngest person in the office by 20 years and I felt isolated. Now I'm at a larger company with around 600 people in our office, most of whom are between 23-28., so I'm the old man at 33. I've developed a nice group of really great friends from just going to work social events and making the effort to be open and communicative with the people that I share a similar sense of humor with. Makes going to work a far better experience when you know you'll be able to spend most of the day with people you truly enjoy.
 
waterpolodan
Posts: 1617
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:46 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 5:46 pm

DL717 wrote:
This is the minority of environmental activist cyclists and weekend warriors riding bikes that cost so much that they could have bought a car. It’s like these groups of cyclists that think it’s funny to get together en masses and block roads in the name of saving the environment, being too stupid to recognize that causing a traffic jam under the pretense that taking time from drivers will somehow force them out of their cars while being completely ignorant to the fact that a car sitting idle is the point at which a car releases the greatest amount of pollution.


Right, those are the "critical mass"-type riders that are just trying to get a rise out of motorists, that's stupid and sets all cyclists back because people often lump all of us together and assume we're eco-nazis. I feel bad holding cars up and do what I can to move out of the way when a queue forms behind me, but sometimes it's inevitable and patience goes a long way. After all, I can't tell you the number of times I've had a car blast past me when I'm actually riding at the speed limit (say, 25 mph) and then get caught at a red light a quarter mile later.
 
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cpd
Posts: 5932
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sat May 11, 2019 10:21 pm

DL717 wrote:
FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
cpd wrote:
Mostly the common theme is we ride/race bicycles. That involves some dedication and hard work, something the whingers and whiners today wouldn’t know about. They just expect to rant about everything they don’t like and blame everyone else for it. Oh, it’s the fault of the millennials, the treehuggers, the snowflakes.


It is quite ironic for a cyclist to throw the words "whingers and whiners" around given the appalling way most cyclists behave when on the road. Acting like they own the roads. Pulling in front of registration paying motor vehicles at red lights, even on inclines, and not even trying when the light goes green. Lane splitting and knocking off car mirrors and just riding off like scumbags knowing they cannot be identified as they do not have a registration plate. Riding several abreast and taking up more than one lane therefore delaying traffic. Yelling at, abusing and harassing other road users for little things then going on to break the road rules themselves. Running red lights at intersections. Having a go at others for breaking some road rule then committing the same traffic offences themselves. Spitting at and hitting car drivers through their windows. Kicking the side of cars. Cyclists are the biggest hypocrites and most arrogant people using public roads by far. There are no bigger "whingers and whiners" then cyclists themselves. So many would be better off under the rear wheels of the bus they just cut off, which slammed on the brakes injuring passengers, instead of being able to just ride away unaccountable into the sunset to do it all again minutes later at the next intersection.

Jesse


This is the minority of environmental activist cyclists and weekend warriors riding bikes that cost so much that they could have bought a car. It’s like these groups of cyclists that think it’s funny to get together en masses and block roads in the name of saving the environment, being too stupid to recognize that causing a traffic jam under the pretense that taking time from drivers will somehow force them out of their cars while being completely ignorant to the fact that a car sitting idle is the point at which a car releases the greatest amount of pollution.



You two can come and ride with me for a while instead of spouting the usual talking points. I have two spare bikes, both pretty good. I’ll look after you - just don’t crash into me.

I wait in the traffic line with cars. And when the lights go green, I’m always fast away while car drivers are sitting there playing with mobile phones, doing their hair, applying makeup, etc. Why can’t they pay attention?

I rarely ride in bunches on the road but on the roads I do ride on regularly, I’m at the traffic speed limit (50km/h) so I don’t get many problems with cars. I’ve worked hard to be able to ride like that. No shortcuts, no easy ways to it - just years of work to get there. You set a target and you work to achieve it.

The modern generation who want everything right away won’t understand that concept. It applies to other things too, especially at work.

I think a lot of riders I know (a lot of them race at the elite level) have a similar mindset and focus. I like working with people like that as well, that quiet determination to get the job done.

Another point too, a great deal of my riding is to and from work. Using a car for that is pointless, there is nowhere to park it plus the traffic jams are such that the car is slower. Morning takes 15 minutes while by car takes 30 minutes because it has to go a different way with more traffic lights and worse hold ups.
 
FlyDeltaJetsATL
Posts: 136
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:39 am

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 12:28 am

I am mostly referring to the lycra wearing daily commute on city streets cyclists, not the weekend warriors in their groups. The weekend cyclists in their large groups seem to be much better behaved.

waterpolodan wrote:
Jesus christ what a load of crap.


Typical response when somebody is offended by reality.

waterpolodan wrote:
I've hardly posted here in years but I had to un-retire to call you out on this garbage, painting "most" cyclists with an absurdly broad brush full of self righteousness and disdain.


Glad that I was able to facilitate your 'un-retirement' here. You can now go back into retirement.

waterpolodan wrote:
First of all, you realize cyclists by and large also pay for the roads they're using the same way you do, by owning a car, paying registration fees, paying taxes, etc?


And because they use the same roads they should also be able to be identified so that they can be held accountable for their illegal behavior. I was out of pocket over 1k to have the driver's side mirror replaced on my Ferrari when one of your impatient scumbag cyclist buddies decided to hit it with their handle bars when lane splitting. All they did was turn around and shrug their shoulders. Scumbag. As the traffic was gridlocked I could not catch the scumbag. They hide behind their anonymity. I was hoping a car driver opened their door onto the cyclist farther up the road but that did not happen and the scumbag got away without facing the consequences for their actions.

waterpolodan wrote:
The rest of your rant centers around bad/illegal behavior. Sure, it happens, and it shouldn't, but guess what? Motorists break laws all the time (rolling stop signs, speeding, changing lanes without signaling, passing within 3 feet of cyclists, driving impaired, texting, etc etc), and you'd be hard pressed to prove that "most" cyclists behave that way, yet you seem to actually want them to end up under the wheels of a bus. Lovely.


That motorists also break laws irrelevant to cyclists poor behavior. There are far less cyclists on the roads than motorists yet it seems that every other cyclist has no problem in just riding though a red light or pulling up into the pedestrian box in front of all the traffic to hold everybody up when the light goes green. A much higher % of cyclists break laws. Do you know how wide lanes in some tight cities are? You will not get your 3 feet if you ride closer to the next lane than in the center or curb side of your lane. By riding close to the next lane you are making it impossible for vehicles to pass you legally given the three feet can not exist. Don't be selfish and consider the ramifications of your lane positioning. Also, you hypocrites have no problem passing vehicles by a matter of inches but you whinge and whine when you don't get your 3 feet or more in some countries. Like I said, hypocrites. You only obey the rules when it fits and suites your agenda. Perhaps I don't want cyclists to end up under the back wheels of a bus; I'd just rather see them injured and hospitalized than the poor bus passengers that get thrown forward due to cyclists cutting in front of their bus. That is how my flying career ended prematurely. I would have been flying for another year if the bus driver just ran over the cyclist who just flew out of a stop signed blind side street without looking instead of slamming on the brakes.

waterpolodan wrote:
Please give me some space when passing and don't do anything dangerous or rude, thanks.


Please don't take up the entire road and make sure your position in the lane allows the vehicle in the next lane to actually give you three feet, and "don't do anything dangerous or rude". In other words, practice what you preach.

You can now go back into retirement.

Jesse
FLY DELTA JETS
 
waterpolodan
Posts: 1617
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:46 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 1:15 am

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
I am mostly referring to the lycra wearing daily commute on city streets cyclists, not the weekend warriors in their groups. The weekend cyclists in their large groups seem to be much better behaved.

waterpolodan wrote:
Jesus christ what a load of crap.


Typical response when somebody is offended by reality.

waterpolodan wrote:
I've hardly posted here in years but I had to un-retire to call you out on this garbage, painting "most" cyclists with an absurdly broad brush full of self righteousness and disdain.


Glad that I was able to facilitate your 'un-retirement' here. You can now go back into retirement.

waterpolodan wrote:
First of all, you realize cyclists by and large also pay for the roads they're using the same way you do, by owning a car, paying registration fees, paying taxes, etc?


And because they use the same roads they should also be able to be identified so that they can be held accountable for their illegal behavior. I was out of pocket over 1k to have the driver's side mirror replaced on my Ferrari when one of your impatient scumbag cyclist buddies decided to hit it with their handle bars when lane splitting. All they did was turn around and shrug their shoulders. Scumbag. As the traffic was gridlocked I could not catch the scumbag. They hide behind their anonymity. I was hoping a car driver opened their door onto the cyclist farther up the road but that did not happen and the scumbag got away without facing the consequences for their actions.

waterpolodan wrote:
The rest of your rant centers around bad/illegal behavior. Sure, it happens, and it shouldn't, but guess what? Motorists break laws all the time (rolling stop signs, speeding, changing lanes without signaling, passing within 3 feet of cyclists, driving impaired, texting, etc etc), and you'd be hard pressed to prove that "most" cyclists behave that way, yet you seem to actually want them to end up under the wheels of a bus. Lovely.


That motorists also break laws irrelevant to cyclists poor behavior. There are far less cyclists on the roads than motorists yet it seems that every other cyclist has no problem in just riding though a red light or pulling up into the pedestrian box in front of all the traffic to hold everybody up when the light goes green. A much higher % of cyclists break laws. Do you know how wide lanes in some tight cities are? You will not get your 3 feet if you ride closer to the next lane than in the center or curb side of your lane. By riding close to the next lane you are making it impossible for vehicles to pass you legally given the three feet can not exist. Don't be selfish and consider the ramifications of your lane positioning. Also, you hypocrites have no problem passing vehicles by a matter of inches but you whinge and whine when you don't get your 3 feet or more in some countries. Like I said, hypocrites. You only obey the rules when it fits and suites your agenda. Perhaps I don't want cyclists to end up under the back wheels of a bus; I'd just rather see them injured and hospitalized than the poor bus passengers that get thrown forward due to cyclists cutting in front of their bus. That is how my flying career ended prematurely. I would have been flying for another year if the bus driver just ran over the cyclist who just flew out of a stop signed blind side street without looking instead of slamming on the brakes.

waterpolodan wrote:
Please give me some space when passing and don't do anything dangerous or rude, thanks.


Please don't take up the entire road and make sure your position in the lane allows the vehicle in the next lane to actually give you three feet, and "don't do anything dangerous or rude". In other words, practice what you preach.

You can now go back into retirement.

Jesse


You were so proud of your "you can go back into retirement" line that you used it twice, cute! And managed to name-drop the brand of car you drive, also cute. Doesn't detract from how dehumanizing you are towards cyclists. "Your" people? You mean humans? I ride bikes for fitness and I do it safely, I do in fact practice what I preach as I said. I have no more in common with some dude riding a fixie through a red light while flicking you off than you do, I just happen to also ride bikes.

You seem to have a hard time separating your anger at two specific bad instances over your lifetime from all cyclists, even though it is actually a fact that riders are breaking traffic laws at about the same rate as motorists. I've actually studied this, would be happy to provide the data. But I wouldn't want to offend you with reality, would I?

Again, I hope you can control your anger when you approach riders like myself who are just using the roads and following the same rules as you in your Ferrari. I'm sure you've never broken a single traffic law in that thing. right?
 
waterpolodan
Posts: 1617
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 1:20 am

Anyway. Jesse's attitude is a pretty standard reality, and there is some interesting science on the psychology behind it for those interested-

https://cyclingmagazine.ca/sections/new ... -the-road/
 
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cpd
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 1:25 am

To the guy above (not the waterpolo person) - never, ever ride close to the kerb.

You’ll get yourself killed that way. Always ride further out from the edge of the road, that way if someone passes you too closely you have room to move.

Years and years of experience here and hardly any hostile interactions with motorists. I’m predictable and deliberate. That’s how you do it.

I’m a car enthusiast too, so if you roll up beside me in a classic sports car - I will almost certainly say hello. Never judge all riders - you never know who they might be...
Last edited by cpd on Sun May 12, 2019 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
 
waterpolodan
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 1:34 am

cpd wrote:
To the guy above (not the waterpolo person) - never, ever ride close to the kerb.

You’ll get yourself killed that way. Always ride further out from the edge of the road, that way if someone passes you too closely you have room to move.

Years and years of experience here and hardly any hostile interactions with motorists. I’m predictable and deliberate. That’s how you do it.


Where do you live? We should all be so lucky. I'm in Virginia and it's a mixed bag, plenty of friends have been hit.
 
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cpd
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 1:43 am

waterpolodan wrote:
cpd wrote:
To the guy above (not the waterpolo person) - never, ever ride close to the kerb.

You’ll get yourself killed that way. Always ride further out from the edge of the road, that way if someone passes you too closely you have room to move.

Years and years of experience here and hardly any hostile interactions with motorists. I’m predictable and deliberate. That’s how you do it.


Where do you live? We should all be so lucky. I'm in Virginia and it's a mixed bag, plenty of friends have been hit.


I know someone who was killed too - it was tremendously upsetting, and another friend spent years learning to use his hands and how to walk after spinal injury (it was his error, sadly).

I divide my time between Australia and a bit of the year in France.

I do a lot of riding, until another rider took me out, I was already up above 9300km this year. Unfortunately I have about $4000 in repairs to the bike and a badly injured knee. I’ll be back in action soon enough.

People these days just have to calm down, there is no point in being frazzled by an extra minute of time. I’m annoyed when someone sits and looks at a green light with moving, but I won’t yell out or beep at them. It’s not worth it.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 2:05 am

DL717 wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
Dieuwer wrote:
Because it is all about being egocentric, selfish, and narcissistic for the current generation. No generation has been as self-absorbed as the Millennials, taking selfies (of themselves) 24/7.
The increase in secularism also adds to this issue. Whereas in the past, more people were religious and went to church, whereby the church acted as some sort of "club house"... that is less the case today.
In addition - especially in Europe - it is expected from the government to provide stuff to the people, including social activities. You won't believe how many subsidized organisations there are in e.g. Holland to provide social activities for e.g. the elderly. And since people "expect" the government to provide these kind of things, people themselves just have very little initiative left.


Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


That’s called being the exception, not the rule. Welcome to being a frustrated Millennial. It’s an unfortunate state of affairs for those in your age group who aren’t hung up on your cell phone. Your cohorts will consider you an outcast, even though they are the assholes.


No really, most of them aren't. People just don't understand "millenials" aren't young people. You're using the wrong word. We're almost 40.
 
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cpd
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 2:13 am

Jouhou wrote:
DL717 wrote:
Jouhou wrote:

Ughhhh more BS about millenials. I'm a millenial. I'm in my mid 30s. I rarely carry my phone on me and frequently fail to respond to texts in the same day.

I avoid social media like the plague too.


That’s called being the exception, not the rule. Welcome to being a frustrated Millennial. It’s an unfortunate state of affairs for those in your age group who aren’t hung up on your cell phone. Your cohorts will consider you an outcast, even though they are the assholes.


No really, most of them aren't. People just don't understand "millenials" aren't young people. You're using the wrong word. We're almost 40.


I’m one of those that doesn’t use the phone that much, and I hate social media. I near 40 and must have just missed out on that trend. Phones when I grew up were big bulky bricks of things. Hardly portable, and in no way trendy.
 
FlyDeltaJetsATL
Posts: 136
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 3:13 am

waterpolodan wrote:
You were so proud of your "you can go back into retirement" line that you used it twice, cute!


You are on the ball!

waterpolodan wrote:
And managed to name-drop the brand of car you drive, also cute. Doesn't detract from how dehumanizing you are towards cyclists


You a still very sharp for somebody just out of retirement.

The car brand is relevant to the out of pocket expenses I experienced due to some careless cyclist who clearly didn't care about the three feet rule he probably enforced on a motorist later down the road.

I worked hard for my Ferrari and other toys and don't appreciate some scumbag, that can not be identified, just riding off after knowingly causing damage.

It would be fitting if a motorist just 'clipped' him, shrugged his shoulders, and drove off whilst he laid on the road. Karma.

If he had some kind of registration plate I could have tracked him down.

waterpolodan wrote:
Doesn't detract from how dehumanizing you are towards cyclists. "Your" people? You mean humans?


Couldn't tell most of them were humans based on a lot of their behaviors.

I won't mention the names I often hear other road users refer to cyclists as.

I will say there are a few careful, considerate, scared looking cyclists out there. When I see them I do my best to help them or give them plenty of space. Shame that is only a rare few.

waterpolodan wrote:
I ride bikes for fitness and I do it safely


I'm glad that you do it safely.

waterpolodan wrote:
You seem to have a hard time separating your anger at two specific bad instances over your lifetime from all cyclists


From what I observe their poor behavior is very, very common.

I had my time flying the 744 cut short a year because of some impatient, careless and scumbag cyclist whose actions caused me injuries that impacted my medical. I hope his career is ended by a bus. Karma.

waterpolodan wrote:
even though it is actually a fact that riders are breaking traffic laws at about the same rate as motorists.


Is it? Fact? Really? I observe more than 70% give or take of cyclists breaking traffic laws and displaying aggressive behavior. Not even one in ten, so 10%, of motorists display such behavior.

waterpolodan wrote:
it is actually a fact that riders are breaking traffic laws at about the same rate as motorists. I've actually studied this, would be happy to provide the data.


You can provide any data you like. Especially if it it peer reviewed research. Although it won't change what I have observed.

waterpolodan wrote:
But I wouldn't want to offend you with reality, would I?


You could not offend me no matter how hard you tried.

waterpolodan wrote:
Again, I hope you can control your anger when you approach riders like myself who are just using the roads and following the same rules as you in your Ferrari.


I don't have anger when I drive. I expect their scumbag behavior. I laugh because it is sad to see, almost as sad as a pedestrian stepping onto the road whilst focused on their phone. I just don't like cyclists. However, I might even stop to help one deserving of help. I have given a stranded cyclists a lift before.

waterpolodan wrote:
I'm sure you've never broken a single traffic law in that thing. right?


Not since I was an adult, so, in about the last 45+ years. Unlike plenty of old enough looking cyclists who still behave like uneducated, selfish infants.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Jesse
FLY DELTA JETS
 
FlyDeltaJetsATL
Posts: 136
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 3:16 am

cpd wrote:
To the guy above (not the waterpolo person) - never, ever ride close to the kerb.

You’ll get yourself killed that way. Always ride further out from the edge of the road, that way if someone passes you too closely you have room to move.

Years and years of experience here and hardly any hostile interactions with motorists. I’m predictable and deliberate. That’s how you do it.

I’m a car enthusiast too, so if you roll up beside me in a classic sports car - I will almost certainly say hello. Never judge all riders - you never know who they might be...


I'm just saying don't ride right next to the lane line of the next lane then expect vehicles to be able to give you three feet. This is common sense. If you ride near the lane line, and a truck that just fits into the lane is in the next lane, how do you expect it to give you three feet unless it illegally crosses onto the other side of the road? Common sense here.

Jesse
FLY DELTA JETS
 
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cpd
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 3:42 am

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:
cpd wrote:
To the guy above (not the waterpolo person) - never, ever ride close to the kerb.

You’ll get yourself killed that way. Always ride further out from the edge of the road, that way if someone passes you too closely you have room to move.

Years and years of experience here and hardly any hostile interactions with motorists. I’m predictable and deliberate. That’s how you do it.

I’m a car enthusiast too, so if you roll up beside me in a classic sports car - I will almost certainly say hello. Never judge all riders - you never know who they might be...


I'm just saying don't ride right next to the lane line of the next lane then expect vehicles to be able to give you three feet. This is common sense. If you ride near the lane line, and a truck that just fits into the lane is in the next lane, how do you expect it to give you three feet unless it illegally crosses onto the other side of the road? Common sense here.

Jesse


They are allowed to cross to the other side of the road to do an overtake. It is the law here.

I’m not sure what this all has to do with making friends though.
 
waterpolodan
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Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2005 3:46 pm

Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 10:42 am

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:

I worked hard for my Ferrari and other toys and don't appreciate some scumbag, that can not be identified, just riding off after knowingly causing damage.

It would be fitting if a motorist just 'clipped' him, shrugged his shoulders, and drove off whilst he laid on the road. Karma.



Again with the dehumanizing and overreacting. Yea, he did a bad thing, but is it really karmic retribution for him to be hit and killed because he caused a bit of property damage to your car that was covered by insurance other than your deductible? That's excessive and ugly.

FlyDeltaJetsATL wrote:

Is it? Fact? Really? I observe more than 70% give or take of cyclists breaking traffic laws and displaying aggressive behavior. Not even one in ten, so 10%, of motorists display such behavior.



Have you considered that perhaps you just aren't noticing the riders who aren't breaking any road rules? Same way I don't remember the make/model/bumper stickers of cars that give me plenty of space and don't blast their horns at me, but I do remember the aggressive ones.

See below:

https://usa.streetsblog.org/2018/01/03/ ... rivers-do/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/carltonrei ... b0e744bfaa

https://www.pri.org/stories/2015-07-18/ ... ilar-rates

Plenty of others backing this up. Point being: cyclists break traffic laws at about the same rate as motorists in the States, and at a far lower rate in a place where cycling is far more normalized (Denmark). There's also a lot of evidence to suggest that cyclists who do break traffic laws do so to try to stay safe. Clearly the guy who hit your mirror was not in that category, same for the situation on the bus, but those really are exceptions.

Anyway, the thread was about making friends and clearly bickering with internet strangers without any resolution is not a good way to do that, so I guess there's a lesson in this for OP as well.
 
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SQ22
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Re: How do you even make friends in today's age.

Sun May 12, 2019 12:27 pm

May I remind you to stay on topic, thanks.

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