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einsteinboricua
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Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:22 pm

My company has a thing where every other week they publish a report on ethics (really mostly rule breaking and the consequences of it). The report makes cases anonymous so no one knows who was involved or if it's even real.

This week's case dealt with two female coworkers who reported their team lead and manager because they were constantly called "honey", "hun", "sweetheart", among others. When HR investigated, the men said that they didn't know their female coworkers were uncomfortable and would have stopped if asked. The team lead added that he's forgetful with names and resorts to gender-based nicknames. HR determined there was no ill intent and let them off with a written warning.

Long story short, it's a clusterfuck of opinions. Inside our company's social network, someone posted the report for discussion and the responses were all over the place:
1. Some attempted to excuse the men's behavior if this case originated in (or if the men were from) the South, where apparently this is common among all people.
2. One person attempted to say this was a thing of manners and that good manners are becoming rare because of butthurt people (ironically, this person also prefaced his opinion with "I reserve the right to hold a contrary opinion and not be corrected", as if that is supposed to dissuade replies).
3. Some said that the women should have spoken out in the first place instead of going directly to HR (I agree, but that's beside the point since the people seemed to imply that the men should not have had HR called in the first place (men being treated unfairly)).
4. Many said it's the intent of the nickname and the environment in which they grew up in.
5. Some (like myself) said there is no excuse for their behavior and that gender-based nicknames at work should not happen unless the person has explicitly given permission.

I suggested that if I were forgetful with names I would apologize for forgetting and ask them to turn their badge so I could read their name. A couple of people said they wouldn't do that because that's invading their personal space and that it's too much work (WTF?!). I said that if I forgot a woman's name and couldn't see her badge right away, I'd say "miss" or "young lady" (if I were significantly older than her). Well, the same people who said they wouldn't care about being called "honey" and such came out saying that they wouldn't take that lightly because "miss" could be offensive (OK, so when writing a letter to a woman, how else do you address them?), and that saying "young lady" is considered ageism (DAFUQ?!).

I posed an alternate scenario. Everyone here has heard the young Gen-Xers throughout Gen-Z use the word "bitch" in conversation (I said "word that rhymes with pitch"). Sometimes it's an insult, but most of the time it's really a figure of speech ("bitch, please", "wow, you're so bitchy", etc). I asked if a younger employee replied with "bitch, please" to a story told by a woman (as expressing incredulity) if would be acceptable, considering that there's no ill intent behind it (figure of speech) and it's the environment they grew up in (the word has become mainstream). People were incensed that I asked that, and that it's an apples to oranges comparison because "bitch" has had negative association before. Of course, I pointed out that languages evolve and meanings change over time.

And of course, some comments dealt with how we're becoming too politically correct and people get butthurt over anything these days...and that common sense is gone out the window.

Let's hear it from this forum. Is it ever OK to use gender-based nicknames like "honey" or "sweetheart" when addressing a coworker? Would the use of "miss" as a substitute be a better one for females (assuming you can't see their badge right away)?
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casinterest
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:33 pm

So the answer is that it depends on whether the advance or the communication is welcome or unwelcome. It is a grey area, but so are the responses from your post. Our company has to go though HR training every year, and in general the theme is the following.

1. Don't put yourself or your coworkers in uncomfortable situations.
2. If you feel you are in an uncomfortable situation, identify the behavior to the person that is causing you to be uncomfortable, or if you are so uncomfortable then you should address it with a manager or HR if the manager is the offending person.

Items 1 and 2 in my list are enough to start long "what -if" scenarios, and the difficult problem is that what you are comfortable with , is not always what your coworker is comfortable with.

Take for example. Jill and Bob have worked together for 20 years, spend time outside work with families together and they are very familiar with each other , and she calls him a stubborn ass, and he calls her a whiny nag. They might be comfortable with it, but someone in their orbit may not.

These are all reasons we have HR in companies as hiring, firing and retention are all part of how employees are fitting in.

So to address the question, honey or sweetheart are not traditionally professional names, but amongst friends in private they can be teases or good nature. However slang in general is what causes many issues amongst coworkers that i have seen, so it should be avoided. If you don't know someone's name, you sure as hell don't know them well enough to call them honey or sweetheart, unless dollars are being exchanged.
Last edited by casinterest on Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Tugger
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:44 pm

casinterest wrote:
So to address the question, honey or sweetheart are not traditionally professional names, but amongst friends in private they can be teases or good nature. However slang in general is what causes many issues amongst coworkers that i have seen, so it should be avoided. If you don't know someones name, you sure as hell don't know them well enough to call them honey or sweetheart, unless dollars are being exchanged.

I dunno. The issue is times have changed and it is becoming not the norm and unacceptable. The use of such nicknames was common and fine, it was not demeaning, or really sexual (any more than the times were, and they were more open to sexual elements being openly expressed).

Nowadays it is outdated when used by most people I interact with but sometimes used by people intentionally to demean, to "put you in your place". It is mostly grating to me if used constantly but the occasional use is fine. It all comes down to the delivery, the situation, the person saying it, and most importantly: How the person on the receiving end interprets it.

Tugg
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casinterest
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:03 pm

Tugger wrote:
casinterest wrote:
So to address the question, honey or sweetheart are not traditionally professional names, but amongst friends in private they can be teases or good nature. However slang in general is what causes many issues amongst coworkers that i have seen, so it should be avoided. If you don't know someones name, you sure as hell don't know them well enough to call them honey or sweetheart, unless dollars are being exchanged.

I dunno. The issue is times have changed and it is becoming not the norm and unacceptable. The use of such nicknames was common and fine, it was not demeaning, or really sexual (any more than the times were, and they were more open to sexual elements being openly expressed).

Nowadays it is outdated when used by most people I interact with but sometimes used by people intentionally to demean, to "put you in your place". It is mostly grating to me if used constantly but the occasional use is fine. It all comes down to the delivery, the situation, the person saying it, and most importantly: How the person on the receiving end interprets it.

Tugg


Yes, Times have changed. The use of the nicknames was common, but it was not fine. There were many uncomfortable people in situations they shouldn't have had to be in. As I stated above, some people are ok with it, but when they are not, they have to address it. It doesn't mean someone should get fired, just that the behavior should be addressed.
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Aesma
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:09 pm

A coworker of mine got fired for dick pics, so after that... nevermind !

You talk about gender based nicknames but what would be the nickname for a man ?

To me calling someone "honey" at work is very condescending, as if talking to a child, not an equal. And saying you do it because you forget names is adding insult to injury, it's as if you can't be bothered to remember the names of these inferior beings just good to get you a coffee.
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trpmb6
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:13 pm

It's a mixed bag.

I understand just about every one of the view points you posted in your list. It can be difficult for some people who are older to break old habits that they are completely oblivious to being unacceptable to younger people today. And in many cases, the people in management positions tend to be of a generation or two before the current new hire generation. It's HR's responsibility to provide adequate training to curtail this. I think HR's response in this case was entirely appropriate. Glad to see they didn't overreact with something that, at least based on your post, seemed completely unintended.

The comment about people from different regions of the country really is spot on. Our country is quite diverse, even among people who might "look" the same as you - in regards to culture. It might be ok to call people "dude" in a gender neutral form in California, but in Mississippi you probably shouldn't call a lady a dude.

I always like to point to the (as I perceive it) gender neutral "guys". In my purview, saying, "hey you guys" when referencing a group of women and men is completely acceptable. "Did you guys attend that meeting today? I had a conflict." Seems perfectly ok to me. But I could see how someone might take offense to that.
 
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scbriml
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:31 pm

Aesma wrote:
To me calling someone "honey" at work is very condescending, as if talking to a child, not an equal.


The thing is there are lots of cultures where the use of such nicknames is completely normal.

In the UK, you can expect to be called 'pet' in the NorthEast, 'chuck' in Yorkshire/Lancashire, 'love' or even 'lover' in the West Country (as in "All right my lover?"). I've been called lots of nicknames in the southern parts of the US, it's very common and personally I find it marginally irritating but certainly not offensive or in any way demeaning.
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Tugger
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:51 pm

Aesma wrote:
You talk about gender based nicknames but what would be the nickname for a man ?

"Son" or "sonny" was a common one. "Son, let me tell you what you need to know...."
Or sometimes "boy", as in: "Boy, you don't know what you are talkin' about!" Of course "boy" has now taken on the full ramifications of its early "I own you" past so it is best not to use it in general to address someone. (But you can still use it like "Boy is it hot!)

The one I use with my forever friends is "dude". :highfive:

Another one I use in general nowadays is "boss". "Thanks boss, appreciate the help."

There are lots of others: Bud - bra – bro – brother – champ – chief – daddio – fella – homey – sport

scbriml wrote:
I've been called lots of nicknames in the southern parts of the US, it's very common and personally I find it marginally irritating but certainly not offensive or in any way demeaning.

:checkmark:

Tugg
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n92r03
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:27 pm

Personally I'm not offended by anything anyone could say, that doesn't mean people don't show their ignorant ways when they speak and/or I'm not disgusted by them. Not a fan of the word police. That being said, times have changed. As has been noted upthread, it is all about who is saying it and how it is said. Referring to someone as honey, sweetheart, love, etc., sounds fine if due to "Southern Hospitality", but can also be condescending. I just go with Ma'am and Sir, even when I am dealing with people living in an alternate reality, it is just easier and hasn't yet been determined to be offensive.

I did get a talking to by HR a few years ago as I greeted a co-worker with a "What's up young lady?" (lady being greeted is same age as me) and was told that was age discrimination...and that is the moment I realized this world is of control.
 
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:37 pm

Addressing co-workers using nicknames at my place would get you a reprimand the first time you do it. a second time a very stern warning, and the third time it gets you fired.
 
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:50 pm

n92r03 wrote:
I just go with Ma'am and Sir, even when I am dealing with people living in an alternate reality, it is just easier and hasn't yet been determined to be offensive.


Oh dude, you must not have referred to a female of the Northeastern US persuasion, particularly one who might have attended one or more class reunions, as "Ma'am"... they will lose their sh*t and start shrieking things like "Ma'am? MA'AM?!? Who the @#$% are you calling 'Ma'am'? I am __ years old so where the @#$% do you get off calling me 'Ma'am', you @#$%ing @#$%?!?", or words to that effect.
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cpd
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:09 pm

No nicknames in my place. Nobody does it.

In that respect they are good.

We do have a bit of Southern manners though, that sometimes throws people out a bit when they first hear it.
 
desertjets
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:21 pm

Nicknames, terms of endearment, pet names, etc have no place in a professional setting. This shouldn't even be up for debate.
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ER757
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:22 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
It's a mixed bag.

I understand just about every one of the view points you posted in your list. It can be difficult for some people who are older to break old habits that they are completely oblivious to being unacceptable to younger people today. And in many cases, the people in management positions tend to be of a generation or two before the current new hire generation. It's HR's responsibility to provide adequate training to curtail this. I think HR's response in this case was entirely appropriate. Glad to see they didn't overreact with something that, at least based on your post, seemed completely unintended.

The comment about people from different regions of the country really is spot on. Our country is quite diverse, even among people who might "look" the same as you - in regards to culture. It might be ok to call people "dude" in a gender neutral form in California, but in Mississippi you probably shouldn't call a lady a dude.

I always like to point to the (as I perceive it) gender neutral "guys". In my purview, saying, "hey you guys" when referencing a group of women and men is completely acceptable. "Did you guys attend that meeting today? I had a conflict." Seems perfectly ok to me. But I could see how someone might take offense to that.

"Guys" is one I use a lot if addressing a mixed gender group. I even find myself doing it to an all female group occasionally absent-mindedly. I do feel a little awkward after doing so, but to be honest no one has ever so much as batted an eye when I did. Not keen on the "hon" or "sweetie" thing - there's a local fast food joint I stop by once in a while and the lady taking my order at the drive-thru always addresses me as "honey" or "hon" and while I am not offended per se', I do find it mildly annoying.
 
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TheFlyingDisk
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:00 pm

Just don't talk to co-workers. Period.

:duck:
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:24 am

Tugger wrote:
Another one I use in general nowadays is "boss". "Thanks boss, appreciate the help."


I didn't think of that one. My colleagues call me that way often, including my actual boss. I'm not sure I like it. But at least I know it's not demeaning.
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 3:41 am

You know, part of me says it's an over-reaction, and things like this can be dealt with in an un-official manner. But, the manager part of me knows that the workplace has evolved, much like society has evolved. Things that were normal, no longer are...things that weren't are. We adapt.

I call my only female subordinates by her name. She calls me "dude". Two of my male subordinates call me "boss", and the rest use my name.

When I address the group, it's usually "folks", or if I'm feeling a little playful, "youse guys".
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Airstud
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 4:17 am

fr8mech wrote:

When I address the group, it's usually "folks", or if I'm feeling a little playful, "youse guys".


I called mine, "vile bottom-feeding miscreant underlings."


I'm not sure if they figured I was joking or not.







(I'm not sure I was.)
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scbriml
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:20 am

n92r03 wrote:
I just go with Ma'am and Sir, even when I am dealing with people living in an alternate reality, it is just easier and hasn't yet been determined to be offensive.


In this day and age, with people identifying with alternative lifestyles, you can still get into trouble. :yes: Ain't modern life just great?

desertjets wrote:
Nicknames, terms of endearment, pet names, etc have no place in a professional setting. This shouldn't even be up for debate.


Sounds like you fit right in at the fun factory, sweetcheeks. :wink2:
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texdravid
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:37 am

TheFlyingDisk wrote:
Just don't talk to co-workers. Period.

:duck:


This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.

Makes work boring but that’s what cell phones and internet are for during breaks. Lose yourself in the internet and shut down any else because for men, failure to heed these warnings at today’s nonsensical work place is career suicide.
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DarkSnowyNight
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 8:06 am

texdravid wrote:
TheFlyingDisk wrote:
Just don't talk to co-workers. Period.

:duck:


This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.



Makes enough sense... as a patient, I wouldn't want to see y'all nurses doing anything that isn't helping the surgeon either, so I totally get that.

So, good work there.
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MaverickM11
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 8:29 am

I suspect women like being called "honey" or "sweetheart" by a man about as much as men would enjoy it from the same man.
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N14AZ
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:03 am

Aesma wrote:
To me calling someone "honey" at work is very condescending, as if talking to a child, not an equal. And saying you do it because you forget names is adding insult to injury, it's as if you can't be bothered to remember the names of these inferior beings just good to get you a coffee.

I worked in a very small company of 10 persons only and two organizations with > 5,000 employees. Never have I ever heard something like “honey” or “sweetheart” (I guess it would have been "Schätzchen" or "Süße").

PS.: When I saw the thread title I thought it’s about personal nicknames. I have such a brief nickname since my first name is rather long (my parents were not able to agree on my first name, so they combined both names into one first name :roll: ….). But I never used this nickname in my organization and so nobody knows it. I just made a mistake when I named my iPhone according to my nickname. Recently I helped a colleague to go on-line by turning on my hot spot. She waited for the signal and suddenly said “ohh, that’s your nickname?!?!?” … but she is professional and so far she hasn’t used it. :-)
 
L410Turbolet
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:15 am

texdravid wrote:
TheFlyingDisk wrote:
Just don't talk to co-workers. Period.

:duck:


This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.


What a sad world to live in.
 
flipdewaf
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:30 am

desertjets wrote:
Nicknames, terms of endearment, pet names, etc have no place in a professional setting. This shouldn't even be up for debate.


LOL, This will never work in real world functioning non solely-transactional teams.

I work with two people called Martin, one is known as 'Handsome Martin' and the other is known as 'Martin'.

Fred
Image
 
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N14AZ
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:43 am

flipdewaf wrote:
desertjets wrote:
Nicknames, terms of endearment, pet names, etc have no place in a professional setting. This shouldn't even be up for debate.


LOL, This will never work in real world functioning non solely-transactional teams.

I work with two people called Martin, one is known as 'Handsome Martin' and the other is known as 'Martin'.

Fred

Must be very frustrating .... for Martin :boggled:
 
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Aesma
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:46 am

If I worked in the US I would probably try to do it like him.

Here in France fortunately we haven't gotten that far, men get into elevators with women without a second thought, and it's very common to kiss colleagues.
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tommy1808
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:52 am

flipdewaf wrote:
desertjets wrote:
Nicknames, terms of endearment, pet names, etc have no place in a professional setting. This shouldn't even be up for debate.


LOL, This will never work in real world functioning non solely-transactional teams.


I can vividly recall being addressed as "hon" at Wendy's ...

Gosh I am glad to work in a place where nicknames are so common that you couldn't offend anyone if you tried....

Best regards
Thomas
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fr8mech
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:58 am

flipdewaf wrote:
I work with two people called Martin, one is known as 'Handsome Martin' and the other is known as 'Martin'.

Fred


When I worked out on the line, there were 2 fr8mechs on the same crew, and we worked out of the same truck. I was Little fr8mech, since I was younger and shorter, and my partner was Big fr8mech. Collectively, we were called fr8mech Squared.

I just realized I do have a nickname for my female subordinate. Didn't even think about it when I posted it earlier. She's on my Airbus desk, so when I need her to peek in on a problem, I call her Frenchie. As in: "Hey, Frenchie, take a look at XXX, it's got a CGCC problem again. Put something together for the Line." And her reply is, inevitable, "got it Dude". Otherwise, I use her name.

Strange; how ingrained, normal and innocuous the "nickname" is, that I didn't even realize I use it.

texdravid wrote:
This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.

Makes work boring but that’s what cell phones and internet are for during breaks. Lose yourself in the internet and shut down any else because for men, failure to heed these warnings at today’s nonsensical work place is career suicide.


What a sad, sad way to work and live. I can understand the OR bit...I suspect that comes down to preference and style, but in other facets of the workplace? Sad.
When seconds count...the police are minutes away.
Unless it's expressly prohibited, it's allowed.
You are not entitled to a public safe space.
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MaverickM11
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:22 pm

L410Turbolet wrote:
texdravid wrote:
TheFlyingDisk wrote:
Just don't talk to co-workers. Period.

:duck:


This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.


What a sad world to live in.

100% self imposed
E pur si muove -Galileo
 
tommy1808
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 1:47 pm

MaverickM11 wrote:
L410Turbolet wrote:
texdravid wrote:

This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.


What a sad world to live in.

100% self imposed


there seem to geographical differences though, major ones, and worse in the US than elsewhere. Here people ask if they did something wrong if you stop calling them names........

TV shows makes jokes out of it too.... the Australian show"Pine Gap" comes to mind for example, some sexual joke, US staff looks shocked "Relax mate, this is Australia". .....

best regards
Thomas
This Singature is a safe space......
 
texdravid
Posts: 1786
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 3:21 pm

Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:08 pm

MaverickM11 wrote:
L410Turbolet wrote:
texdravid wrote:

This. 1000%
All talk in my OR is all about the patient and nothing else. No jokes of any kind. No nicknames.
Do not talk to any female alone, don’t talk about anything extra curricular and don’t compliment or praise or criticize. Absolutely no mentoring at any time.
Be superficially polite at all times. Keep all political thoughts to yourself.
All criticism is discussed with THAT person’s supervisor.
Leave as soon as work is done and no socializing outside work with any co-worker, colleague, etc, except those mandated by work. If that is the case, only sit quietly with persons of the same sex.

Pence rules. All day. All the time.


What a sad world to live in.

100% self imposed



Not at all. When you have 20 years of training, prestige, standing, and a career to worry about, no amount of caution is enough.

In certain high professions, there are professional trouble makers and others gaming the system to get a handout. Don’t give those that seek harm an opportunity . The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy.

A single complaint , however silly, can bring a CEO down before sundown.
Pence rules. Don’t blame me, blame those who invented the rules. Feminists wanted the most sterile desert type of environment to work in, and no mentoring and camaraderie is the result. Enjoy.
.
Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
 
MaverickM11
Posts: 17276
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:16 pm

texdravid wrote:
MaverickM11 wrote:
L410Turbolet wrote:

What a sad world to live in.

100% self imposed



Not at all. When you have 20 years of training, prestige, standing, and a career to worry about, no amount of caution is enough.

In certain high professions, there are professional trouble makers and others gaming the system to get a handout. Don’t give those that seek harm an opportunity . The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy.

A single complaint , however silly, can bring a CEO down before sundown.
Pence rules. Don’t blame me, blame those who invented the rules. Feminists wanted the most sterile desert type of environment to work in, and no mentoring and camaraderie is the result. Enjoy.
.

Right, Neanderthal rules. 100% self imposed. For men who are two weak and stupid to assume that women not wanting to be assaulted/harassed = duh hurr durr durr I dOnT eVeN knOw how To saY helLo to WomEn wIThouT TOUching thEir PaRts. Sounds like you’re doing women a favor, just like Pence.
E pur si muove -Galileo
 
texdravid
Posts: 1786
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 3:21 pm

Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:25 pm

MaverickM11 wrote:
texdravid wrote:
MaverickM11 wrote:
100% self imposed



Not at all. When you have 20 years of training, prestige, standing, and a career to worry about, no amount of caution is enough.

In certain high professions, there are professional trouble makers and others gaming the system to get a handout. Don’t give those that seek harm an opportunity . The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy.

A single complaint , however silly, can bring a CEO down before sundown.
Pence rules. Don’t blame me, blame those who invented the rules. Feminists wanted the most sterile desert type of environment to work in, and no mentoring and camaraderie is the result. Enjoy.
.

Right, Neanderthal rules. 100% self imposed. For men who are two weak and stupid to assume that women not wanting to be assaulted/harassed = duh hurr durr durr I dOnT eVeN knOw how To saY helLo to WomEn wIThouT TOUching thEir PaRts



Yeah just like Matt Lauer from the Today show and Weinstein’s Hollywood. Neanderthals.

Ha ha this for normal successful and innocent men too smart to be caught up in fake assault and harassment claims. The feminist lobby and its practitioners have used the real sympathy deserved for really damaged women and now use the workplace to climb up the ladder, or more often, avoid getting fired for their own malfeasance.

Dude get a clue. Men are targets regardless. There is no rampant crisis of harassment in the workplace. In 2019 and for decades before no one is grabbing or assaulting anything, except of course in newsrooms, sports teams, and Hollywood.

Fake claims are legendary. Use caution. You don’t have to follow it. Do your own thing.

Using caution is smart and prudent.
Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
 
texdravid
Posts: 1786
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 3:21 pm

Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:27 pm

MaverickM11 wrote:
texdravid wrote:
MaverickM11 wrote:
100% self imposed



Not at all. When you have 20 years of training, prestige, standing, and a career to worry about, no amount of caution is enough.

In certain high professions, there are professional trouble makers and others gaming the system to get a handout. Don’t give those that seek harm an opportunity . The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy.

A single complaint , however silly, can bring a CEO down before sundown.
Pence rules. Don’t blame me, blame those who invented the rules. Feminists wanted the most sterile desert type of environment to work in, and no mentoring and camaraderie is the result. Enjoy.
.

Right, Neanderthal rules. 100% self imposed. For men who are two weak and stupid to assume that women not wanting to be assaulted/harassed = duh hurr durr durr I dOnT eVeN knOw how To saY helLo to WomEn wIThouT TOUching thEir PaRts. Sounds like you’re doing women a favor, just like Pence.



If you only knew Maverick. Lol, doing women a favor. Ha ha ha ha. Sorry bud, that’s laughable.
Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
 
MaverickM11
Posts: 17276
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:35 pm

texdravid wrote:
MaverickM11 wrote:
texdravid wrote:


Not at all. When you have 20 years of training, prestige, standing, and a career to worry about, no amount of caution is enough.

In certain high professions, there are professional trouble makers and others gaming the system to get a handout. Don’t give those that seek harm an opportunity . The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy.

A single complaint , however silly, can bring a CEO down before sundown.
Pence rules. Don’t blame me, blame those who invented the rules. Feminists wanted the most sterile desert type of environment to work in, and no mentoring and camaraderie is the result. Enjoy.
.

Right, Neanderthal rules. 100% self imposed. For men who are two weak and stupid to assume that women not wanting to be assaulted/harassed = duh hurr durr durr I dOnT eVeN knOw how To saY helLo to WomEn wIThouT TOUching thEir PaRts



Yeah just like Matt Lauer from the Today show and Weinstein’s Hollywood. Neanderthals.

Ha ha this for normal successful and innocent men too smart to be caught up in fake assault and harassment claims. The feminist lobby and its practitioners have used the real sympathy deserved for really damaged women and now use the workplace to climb up the ladder, or more often, avoid getting fired for their own malfeasance.

Dude get a clue. Men are targets regardless. There is no rampant crisis of harassment in the workplace. In 2019 and for decades before no one is grabbing or assaulting anything, except of course in newsrooms, sports teams, and Hollywood.

Fake claims are legendary. Use caution. You don’t have to follow it. Do your own thing.

Using caution is smart and prudent.

You’re trying to use Matt Lauer and Weinstein as justification for Neanderthal Pence’s paralysis around women? Sure. You want to say that again out loud slowly and see if it makes sense to you? Keep being triggered by half the planet.
E pur si muove -Galileo
 
texdravid
Posts: 1786
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 7:39 pm

The difference is Pence didn’t do ANYTHING illegal. Your liberal pals Weinstein and Lauer and of course Clinton did.

Pence isn’t paralyzed around women. He’s the smartest conservative alive. No long forgotten malignant fool like Blasey Ford can get him for fake charges.

Thanks for playing! Ha ha. Maverick....
Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
 
MaverickM11
Posts: 17276
Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2000 1:59 pm

Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Thu Jul 04, 2019 8:00 pm

texdravid wrote:
The difference is Pence didn’t do ANYTHING illegal.

Boy you are a real Sherlock Holmes, Dinesh! But I’m fresh out of colored blocks to try to explain this to you in simpler terms. I can see why you look up to Pence’s intelligence, what little there is. Sad neither of you can be around women without filling your diapers.
E pur si muove -Galileo
 
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Classa64
Posts: 292
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:04 am

There are 10 of us in my workplace , all in the same area. We call each other all kinds of stuff and fortunately its all taken in a very relaxed easy going manner. If a new person comes in we tone it down and respect the new person and after while most have warmed up to out loose non threatening and non demeaning ways.
In any situation that I have been where I don't know the persons name or for example cant see there name tag I just politely say "Excuse me I cannot remember or don't know your name" I would never in today's world say miss or ma'am or anything like that. Heck even the new Kid that came in today I forgot his name and just said HEY! come here for a sec, I forgot your name... and he told me.

Seems these days people are triggered by the most innocent words so I just keep quiet most days.

C.
"Freedom is the miles i'm rolling on"
 
tommy1808
Posts: 10394
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:27 am

texdravid wrote:
[The rules are that women are to be believed and due process is a fantasy. .


yet only 5.7 percent of incidents end in arrest, 0.7 percent result in a felony conviction and 0.6 percent result in incarceration....

best regards
Thomas
This Singature is a safe space......
 
B777LRF
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 8:22 am

My old boss, a wonderful gentleman, called his female staff 'darling' and us males 'sh1thead'. It was all said in good spirit, and we all knew he liked us a lot for the work we did, the way we got along and the consistent results we produced.

I've called my staff all kinds of things, including that word, but when doing an assembly would usually start off by announcing 'Slaves!'. In return they called me fatty (I was), guest of the week (did a lot of traveling), massa, or - if I was lucky - my first name. Except in the ME, where they called me 'Sir' (despite my best efforts to vain them off that habit) and I called them by their first names.

Offence is taken, not given.
Signature. You just read one.
 
flipdewaf
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 11:13 am

B777LRF wrote:
My old boss, a wonderful gentleman, called his female staff 'darling' and us males 'sh1thead'. It was all said in good spirit, and we all knew he liked us a lot for the work we did, the way we got along and the consistent results we produced.

I've called my staff all kinds of things, including that word, but when doing an assembly would usually start off by announcing 'Slaves!'. In return they called me fatty (I was), guest of the week (did a lot of traveling), massa, or - if I was lucky - my first name. Except in the ME, where they called me 'Sir' (despite my best efforts to vain them off that habit) and I called them by their first names.

Offence is taken, not given.

I totally agree with the offence taken and not given piece.

My Boss's Boss often calls the women in the office 'Darling' but then I'm one of the 'kids' or one of the 'Geeks' we don't take offence from it. He is called Rob and once made the mistake of telling us he hates 'Bob' so that's what we call him, you don't get to choose your nickname. My favorite trick his when he says "Darling?" in an expectant way to one of the females in the office, I pipe up before any of the girls and (I am a male) and say "Yes Rob, what would you like?"

I agree its a difficult thing to manage but I don't think we shouldn't manage it by snuffing potential cultural diversity in the workplace.

Fred
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KentB27
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:05 pm

If people are offended by the phrases "miss" and "young lady" then they have serious issues to address.

I don't think gender specific nicknames for females are that great, but there's nothing wrong with "miss", "ma'am", or "young lady". Those are some of the most proper and polite ways to address a woman.

On the other hand, there is seemingly nothing wrong with gender specific male nicknames. Most men don't seem to care about being called dude, bro, man, Mr., sir, young man, etc. Some older men may not appreciate dude or bro but generally men do not care.

I only work with 17 other people at my job. I just address everyone by their names. But I realize that many people work at much larger workplaces where it is impossible to know everyone's name.

Anyways, these days you never really know what other people will get offended by. Sometimes you can't win despite your best intentions. If you accidentally offend someone by calling them a name that individual needs to let you know so you can correct that. I find it extremely irritating when people go straight to HR over an easily correctable incident instead of confronting the person who hurt their feelings or offended them. It actually pisses me off more when someone goes behind my back and tattles on me than if they just confront me and tell me that I did something that upset them. Passive-aggressive/tattle-tale behavior over small issues like nicknames is not good for morale. HR is for serious incidents like sexual harassment and physical altercations, not petty ones like being slightly offended over nicknames.
 
slider
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:24 pm

We have a charming older black lady at my workplace who is an absolutely lovely woman. She calls me--and a lot of people--darlin, honey, baby--that sort of thing. Part of it is a southern thing, but it's delightful.

I think we all understand the HR implications of this shitty modern 21st century we live in, but some people need to remove the stick from their ass and relax. Colloquialisms are fine, it's not harassment.
 
Magog
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:26 pm

slider wrote:
We have a charming older black lady at my workplace who is an absolutely lovely woman. She calls me--and a lot of people--darlin, honey, baby--that sort of thing. Part of it is a southern thing, but it's delightful.

I think we all understand the HR implications of this shitty modern 21st century we live in, but some people need to remove the stick from their ass and relax. Colloquialisms are fine, it's not harassment.

Context means a lot. Some people just can’t comprehend that.
 
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DarkSnowyNight
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:29 pm

slider wrote:


I think we all understand the HR implications of this shitty modern 21st century we live in, but some people need to remove the stick from their ass and relax. Colloquialisms are fine, it's not harassment.



Hmmmm. . .

I get that these things may be very mildly frustrating at times, assuming a high level of sensitivity, of course. But if you really think that the 21st is a shitty Century, you should probably not look too closely at any of the others. . .
"Ya Can't Win, Rocky! There's no Oxygen on Mars!"
"Yeah? That means there's no Oxygen for him Neither..."
 
slider
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:38 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
slider wrote:


I think we all understand the HR implications of this shitty modern 21st century we live in, but some people need to remove the stick from their ass and relax. Colloquialisms are fine, it's not harassment.



Hmmmm. . .

I get that these things may be very mildly frustrating at times, assuming a high level of sensitivity, of course. But if you really think that the 21st is a shitty Century, you should probably not look too closely at any of the others. . .


My point being that the level of sensitivity and butthurt about the slightest of infractions seems to be higher in modern times. PC-speak, our over litigious society, and a general level of emotional incontinence abound. Clearly, the "first world problems" we bitch about don't reflect adversity in any real sense.
 
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DarkSnowyNight
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:12 pm

slider wrote:

My point being that the level of sensitivity and butthurt about the slightest of infractions seems to be higher in modern times. PC-speak, our over litigious society, and a general level of emotional incontinence abound.



Hmmmm. . .

Maybe. Though I've never heard of a time in human history where things weren't changing. How people express themselves is no exception. It's a bit disappointing we're not better able to adapt by now. Particularly anyone my generation or older.

You should hear the noises old people, mainly boomers now I suppose, make when anything even slightly suggests an inconvenience. At times, I'm left to wonder just how so many of them ever got that old. . .

Perhaps it is just a sign of the Times.

slider wrote:
Clearly, the "first world problems" we bitch about don't reflect adversity in any real sense.


Do you live in a part of the world that's not the first one? Problems are proportional. A frozen bank account will starve you just as fast in Iowa as a famine will in The Sudan.


On the list of things to worry about (and there are many, to be sure), addressing folks at work in the way they want doesn't seem like a big deal.
"Ya Can't Win, Rocky! There's no Oxygen on Mars!"
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Tugger
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:12 pm

B777LRF wrote:
Offence is taken, not given.

flipdewaf wrote:
I totally agree with the offence taken and not given piece.


The reality is this. As the above first posters note, "Offense in taken" so we don't get to choose who is offended by whatever is said, so though another poster seems to want to make this political (it's not, really) the suggestions of how he interacts with others can be understood. Anyone can take offense and if they are offended and the speech cannot be shown to be essentially 100% "respectful", which seems to mean calm, clear, to the point, using only proper names and informed input, then someone might be able to take offense. Remember we don't get to choose this, it's not "given", it's "taken". So it is not up to the initiator of the speech but rather the receiver.

And:
slider wrote:
My point being that the level of sensitivity and butthurt about the slightest of infractions seems to be higher in modern times. PC-speak, our over litigious society, and a general level of emotional incontinence abound. Clearly, the "first world problems" we bitch about don't reflect adversity in any real sense.

This is the truth, the reality, in the USA at least we live in a litigious society that somewhat encourages people to use the legal system for any perceived slight or problem. It is not bad per se but the effect it has it real. So we are a bit careful, some a bit overly cautious. And when you have a lifetime reputation that can be damaged by even an implication of disrespect then why the heck not be overly cautious. No one is forcing YOU to do the same, you can do as you wish, and we each should each be smart enough to be respectful but also to treat others as we feel is proper and fair. And if nicknames are OK the so be it, go for it.

For me? I really do not use anything but people's preferred name when addressing them. And I take pride in ensuring the pronunciation is correct from day one. Beyond the use of terms like "boss" or "young Miss" etc. with people i don't know but interact wit briefly I do occasionally use nicknames, but only when the situation fully warrants it and almost always only with people I am fully familiar with and know well (I'm thinking that is a better name for it that better relates to the fact it is for people we are very comfortable with and very familiar with).

But this is my opinion, yours may differ of course.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
Productivity isn’t about getting more things done, rather it’s about getting the right things done, while doing less. - M. Oshin
 
vikkyvik
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Sat Jul 06, 2019 2:23 am

einsteinboricua wrote:
When HR investigated, the men said that they didn't know their female coworkers were uncomfortable and would have stopped if asked. The team lead added that he's forgetful with names and resorts to gender-based nicknames.


That's a pretty stupid excuse. Learn your team's names, for goodness sake.

einsteinboricua wrote:
5. Some (like myself) said there is no excuse for their behavior and that gender-based nicknames at work should not happen unless the person has explicitly given permission.


Pretty much. Just don't do it.

einsteinboricua wrote:
and that saying "young lady" is considered ageism (DAFUQ?!)


I don't know about ageism. But nevertheless, I wouldn't call someone at work "young lady" or "young man" just as a matter of practice.

Ultimately, there are people at work that I know I can joke around with. And there are people who I either 1.) know I cannot joke around with, or 2.) don't know if I can joke around with. So I just stay on the safe side. It's not difficult, and it doesn't really affect the workplace at all.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".

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