blueflyer
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:03 pm

texdravid wrote:
Makes work boring but that’s what cell phones and internet are for during breaks. Lose yourself in the internet and shut down any else because for men, failure to heed these warnings at today’s nonsensical work place is career suicide.

Posts like this remind me I should be eternally grateful I work at a place where I can still sit in a window-less room with an attractive female for two hours and not fear losing my job or hearing from HR. Maybe it has to do with the top leadership being 75% female. They are very chill and yet very opinionated. They will stomp out any behavior they do not approve of in a micro-second, but as long as feelings aren't hurt, they are as un-PC a leadership team as it gets.

vikkyvik wrote:
Ultimately, there are people at work that I know I can joke around with. And there are people who I either 1.) know I cannot joke around with, or 2.) don't know if I can joke around with. So I just stay on the safe side. It's not difficult, and it doesn't really affect the workplace at all.

That! There are conversations I have with my (female) colleagues I would not have with other (female) colleagues because I know they would not be comfortable, or do not know whether they would be.
 
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trpmb6
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:28 pm

blueflyer wrote:
vikkyvik wrote:
Ultimately, there are people at work that I know I can joke around with. And there are people who I either 1.) know I cannot joke around with, or 2.) don't know if I can joke around with. So I just stay on the safe side. It's not difficult, and it doesn't really affect the workplace at all.

That! There are conversations I have with my (female) colleagues I would not have with other (female) colleagues because I know they would not be comfortable, or do not know whether they would be.


Except, if you delineate people into separate groups you may actually be alienating them and unknowingly cause harm. They may see you joking around with another group of people and wonder why you don't do that with them, or that you're joking about them and thus the reason they are excluded.

See how easy it is to frame anything in the negative? I do not envy HR departments. Not in the environment we live in now.
 
TSS
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:35 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
I do not envy HR departments. Not in the environment we live in now.


Nor do I. This whole thread has reminded me over and over of this micro-scene from Ferris Beuller's Day off- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGD1IGBZKyk
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trpmb6
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:45 pm

TSS wrote:
trpmb6 wrote:
I do not envy HR departments. Not in the environment we live in now.


Nor do I. This whole thread has reminded me over and over of this micro-scene from Ferris Beuller's Day off- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGD1IGBZKyk


Exactly!

I get that times change, and there are generational differences (as I noted in my first thread) but it's getting tough to even have fun in the workplace anymore it seems. Fortunately things go pretty smoothly around here, and other places I've worked.
 
vikkyvik
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:50 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
Except, if you delineate people into separate groups you may actually be alienating them and unknowingly cause harm. They may see you joking around with another group of people and wonder why you don't do that with them, or that you're joking about them and thus the reason they are excluded.


You're not delineating people into groups. People don't talk to everyone. That's just life.

As long as there's no effect on reviews/promotions/etc. based on who you joke around with and who you don't, it doesn't really matter. Everyone doesn't need to be included in every non-work-related conversation.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
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trpmb6
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:10 pm

vikkyvik wrote:
trpmb6 wrote:
Except, if you delineate people into separate groups you may actually be alienating them and unknowingly cause harm. They may see you joking around with another group of people and wonder why you don't do that with them, or that you're joking about them and thus the reason they are excluded.


You're not delineating people into groups. People don't talk to everyone. That's just life.

As long as there's no effect on reviews/promotions/etc. based on who you joke around with and who you don't, it doesn't really matter. Everyone doesn't need to be included in every non-work-related conversation.


It is unconscious bias. You don't know you're excluding them, but they may feel excluded. Many HR training videos address this these days. It could be that you went to the same college as someone else in your cube area, and the person next to them wonders why you invited that person to an afterwork outing to watch your college team play football, but didn't invite them. Or you show up Monday morning raving about the fun dinner party you had and how Jerry in the row over did something really funny that you both agree you shouldn't talk about at work but start whispering about it.

I'm not saying I disagree with you. It's life, you're allowed to choose who you want to invite to your dinner parties, or some sporting event. Just know another co-worker may feel left out. And that's why it's best to not discuss things aloud and to take things to private messages.

(I am saying all this after just having completed my annual trainings literally discussing this topic.)
 
vikkyvik
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:30 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
It is unconscious bias. You don't know you're excluding them, but they may feel excluded.


I'm not disagreeing with that. But as long as it doesn't affect job-related activities/promotions/reviews or whatever, it's not a huge worry.

I mean, I'm all for being as inclusive as possible in the workplace. But I don't get included in everything, and that's OK.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
TSS
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:50 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
It is unconscious bias. You don't know you're excluding them, but they may feel excluded. Many HR training videos address this these days. It could be that you went to the same college as someone else in your cube area, and the person next to them wonders why you invited that person to an afterwork outing to watch your college team play football, but didn't invite them. Or you show up Monday morning raving about the fun dinner party you had and how Jerry in the row over did something really funny that you both agree you shouldn't talk about at work but start whispering about it.

I'm not saying I disagree with you. It's life, you're allowed to choose who you want to invite to your dinner parties, or some sporting event. Just know another co-worker may feel left out. And that's why it's best to not discuss things aloud and to take things to private messages.

(I am saying all this after just having completed my annual trainings literally discussing this topic.)


Years ago I ran into sort of the opposite of what you describe: I had transferred in December to a location in another state where I knew no-one. My new coworkers were more "all business" when at work than my previous ones had been, but still friendly enough in general. One of the supervisors held a Super Bowl party every year which many of my coworkers attended regularly and to which I was invited. I thanked him for the invitation but politely declined, for reasons that I kept to myself:

1. I don't care for American Football at all, NFL even less so than college;

2. I knew they were all big drinkers, which I am not, and I never drink among strangers;

3. A female coworker, let's call her "Jane", took great pride in seducing all the newly-hired (or transferred, apparently) guys that she found attractive and word was out that she found me attractive and that I was fixed firmly in her gunsight as her next conquest. She would definitely be at the party.

After I declined the invitation, almost all my coworkers became distinctly cooler than before to me in their interactions. Evidently turning down an invitation to the Super Bowl party was unheard-of and was considered if not an act of outright aggression, then certainly a clear signal that I was almost criminally anti-social. It took more than a year for most people there to become friendly to me again, and some never did.
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trpmb6
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Tue Jul 09, 2019 12:10 pm

Just another example of no matter what a group of people does, someone else is always left out.
 
L410Turbolet
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Tue Jul 09, 2019 8:03 pm

trpmb6 wrote:
It could be that you went to the same college as someone else in your cube area, and the person next to them wonders why you invited that person to an afterwork outing to watch your college team play football, but didn't invite them.


Interesting, in my part of the world being able to figure out complexities of human interaction, such as this one, generally falls under being considered a "grown up".
How did people survive before the HR got the idea they should babysit adults?
 
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WarRI1
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Tue Jul 09, 2019 9:38 pm

I am glad I am retired.
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Tugger
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:42 pm

L410Turbolet wrote:
trpmb6 wrote:
It could be that you went to the same college as someone else in your cube area, and the person next to them wonders why you invited that person to an afterwork outing to watch your college team play football, but didn't invite them.


Interesting, in my part of the world being able to figure out complexities of human interaction, such as this one, generally falls under being considered a "grown up".
How did people survive before the HR got the idea they should babysit adults?

Yes and no. How do you prevent the continuation of "they are my kind of people" in hiring and promotions? You prefer "your kind of people", yes? For hiring and for promoting? Those people that went to your college, that come from your area, that speak your language, that come from a similar background to you, or that you know in some way better than others. Yes? Hanging out with the guys for a drink after work is certainly easier than inviting the ladies who might be offended. Or other who might not like the jokes. The coworkers you know better will receive more favorable invites, are more likely to be promoted etc. since you know them or something about them.

It's utterly ridiculous to have to address this and have to have a department set up to deal with such things impartially. Except its not. This is and has been a real thing for centuries in the workplace and is part of the reason for "glass ceilings" etc. or "boys clubs" at companies. It is real. It starts very simply and often innocently: "Hey do you like sports?"

How else do you propose to address such things?

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
Productivity isn’t about getting more things done, rather it’s about getting the right things done, while doing less. - M. Oshin
 
Maloak33
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Re: Workplace etiquette: nicknames

Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:30 am

I was the "team leader" of 40 or so. I would call the guys "dudes" and when I had to speak to a female, I made 200% sure that someone else was with us, or could see us, or "overhear" the discussion.
After I was reprimanded by my senior for calling a gay guy "dude" I started calling them all (40) by their last names....Thats when I got reprimanded again for calling a female by her last name, her last name was "politically incorrect" for the skin she was/in.

People are so f*cking sensitive these days that you'll be in shitter for looking at them the wrong way. I once said something to someone( cant remember if it was a dude or female) and apparently it hurt their feelings.....So I asked them "Can I hit you in head, and lets see what hurts the most, a word or a fist...

Mal.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

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