Moderators: richierich, ua900, PanAm_DC10, hOMSaR

 
oldannyboy
Posts: 2573
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:28 am

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:03 am

trpmb6 wrote:
oldannyboy wrote:
TTailedTiger wrote:
I suppose a part of my body has been modified. But then so have the majority of males born in the US. I'm happy with mine. Others perhaps not.


That qualifies to genital mutilation in my book. It's the forcible removal of the single most sensitive part of the male human anatomy, and it is done to an infant who is incapable of defending himself. Ghastly.
The worst part truthfully is that it's not elective surgery, but something (dare I say merely 'cultural'?) that is enforced on the newborn who has no way to defend his [human] rights.
It's one of the most barbaric, ritualistic, tribal, ancestral, unnecessary, evil, painful procedures, designed solely and entirely to reduce the sensitivity of the male anatomy, in turn reducing the pleasure and the likelihood of masturbation. Cue how most men will need lubricant in order to masturbate in the US - something that is totally unheard of for the intact male.
Recent psychological studies are directly correlating the high levels of violence in US society to the fact that the first major/significant interaction most newly born male babies will have with another fellow human, will be the violent, painful, bloody encounter when they will be strapped onto a table by the practitioner who will forcibly mutilate their perfect penile anatomy for no reason.
I cannot even begin to express how wrong child genital mutilation is.


The jury is out on most of your assertions. There are still medical benefits from having the procedure done,
NONE - talk to any serious practitioner, and they will say that UNLESS an adult man has a severe case of phimosis, circumcision is totally unnecessary
though in today's world not entirely necessary - we are quite hygienic these days. The psychological aspect of an infant developing into a violent person because of an experience in which they feel no pain is totally absurd. Almost blasphemous if you ask me.

Well you should watch some circumcision videos to see how not painful the 'ritual' is. Some babies cry and howl throughout it, some loose consciousness and pass out, some go under shock to the point of stopping breathing, some even refuse the mother's breast [clearly, the infant feels betrayed] -- IT IS a violent, barbaric procedure.

I can't even believe people would actually believe such a thing. Your masturbation claim is unsupported. I do agree with it being mostly a cultural thing now. That doesn't make it right or wrong.
Get an education, read something about it. People will believe me if the educate themselves on the matter. IT WAS ALL about preventing masturbation. And the fact that it is a cultural thing makes TOTALLY WRONG if it is IMPOSED on people, cue the newborn infant. It is a violation of the human body, and of the rights of the child. Most men would probably like to decide themselves if they want to have the most sensitive part of their dick chopped off.
 
TSS
Posts: 3658
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:10 am

TTailedTiger wrote:
TSS wrote:
TTailedTiger wrote:
I suppose a part of my body has been modified. But then so have the majority of males born in the US. I'm happy with mine. Others perhaps not.


TTailedTiger wrote:
I had it done in college.


Okay, since you had it done electively, thus making it inarguably "on topic" for this thread and you don't seem to be shy about talking about it, I've got to ask: Why did you have it done?


I was born about a month early and the doctor wouldn't do the procedure since I was premature. Even though I was healthy I guess it was standard not to do it since they wouldn't know if any symptoms that came up were due to being born premature or from the circumcision.


Apparently that's not unusual, or at least didn't used to be. Over the years I've run into a couple of guys who had similar stories as to why they weren't circumcised but, for example, their brothers were.

TTailedTiger wrote:
There was nothing wrong with it medically but I just didn't like the look of it. I went to a cosmetic surgeon in Miami who specialized in it and he did a great job.


Fair enough, and thank you for being so candid about what to some is a "taboo" subject. Within the context of this thread I think it's important to highlight that the procedure was something you wanted done for your own reasons, not because another person was pressuring you to have it done.

I have a story about a friend who had it done for exactly the wrong reason: A British friend of mine fell madly, soppily, and sickeningly in love with a girl he met. A first she found his attention flattering and reciprocated to an extent, but after a while his borderline-obsessive devotion to her started to get on her nerves and she became at first inattentive and later outright verbally abusive to him, which didn't seem to dim his ardor in the least. Although their sex life was fine at first, as she lost patience with him she became less and less willing to engage. When he confronted her about this, she told him that she found guys who were not circumcised repulsive (despite the fact that: A. it clearly wasn't a problem when they first got together and B. if true, then the UK definitely was not the place for her to be dating the locals) and that he'd have to get circumcised in order for their relationship to continue. Shortly after that she went home to visit family for a month and while she was gone, he got himself circumcised against the advice of myself and several other friends of his. When she got back, he surprised her with his "new look" and, much to his dismay, she got mad and told him that she'd just used him not being circumcised as an excuse, that she'd hoped he'd refuse to do it and that they'd break up instead, after which she terminated their relationship on the spot.

Another point to consider is that sometimes the very feature about ourselves that we consider least attractive, obsess about, and would change if we could such as having a foreskin (in the US), having a large nose, being unusually hairy, being bald, being "ginger", or any other of a large number of slight physical anomalies are in reality things that are either complete non-issues or can actually be highly attractive "bonus" features to potential mates who aren't unforgivably shallow and are looking for a genuine life partner rather than a trendy fashion accessory with a pulse rate and thus are worthy of our time and affection.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
oldannyboy
Posts: 2573
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:28 am

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:25 am

TSS wrote:
TTailedTiger wrote:
TSS wrote:



Okay, since you had it done electively, thus making it inarguably "on topic" for this thread and you don't seem to be shy about talking about it, I've got to ask: Why did you have it done?


I was born about a month early and the doctor wouldn't do the procedure since I was premature. Even though I was healthy I guess it was standard not to do it since they wouldn't know if any symptoms that came up were due to being born premature or from the circumcision.


Apparently that's not unusual, or at least didn't used to be. Over the years I've run into a couple of guys who had similar stories as to why they weren't circumcised but, for example, their brothers were.

TTailedTiger wrote:
There was nothing wrong with it medically but I just didn't like the look of it. I went to a cosmetic surgeon in Miami who specialized in it and he did a great job.


Fair enough, and thank you for being so candid about what to some is a "taboo" subject. Within the context of this thread I think it's important to highlight that the procedure was something you wanted done for your own reasons, not because another person was pressuring you to have it done.

I have a story about a friend who had it done for exactly the wrong reason: A British friend of mine fell madly, soppily, and sickeningly in love with a girl he met. A first she found his attention flattering and reciprocated to an extent, but after a while his borderline-obsessive devotion to her started to get on her nerves and she became at first inattentive and later outright verbally abusive to him, which didn't seem to dim his ardor in the least. Although their sex life was fine at first, as she lost patience with him she became less and less willing to engage. When he confronted her about this, she told him that she found guys who were not circumcised repulsive (despite the fact that: A. it clearly wasn't a problem when they first got together and B. if true, then the UK definitely was not the place for her to be dating the locals) and that he'd have to get circumcised in order for their relationship to continue. Shortly after that she went home to visit family for a month and while she was gone, he got himself circumcised against the advice of myself and several other friends of his. When she got back, he surprised her with his "new look" and, much to his dismay, she got mad and told him that she'd just used him not being circumcised as an excuse, that she'd hoped he'd refuse to do it and that they'd break up instead, after which she terminated their relationship on the spot.

Another point to consider is that sometimes the very feature about ourselves that we consider least attractive, obsess about, and would change if we could such as having a foreskin (in the US), having a large nose, being unusually hairy, being bald, being "ginger", or any other of a large number of slight physical anomalies are in reality things that are either complete non-issues or can actually be highly attractive "bonus" features to potential mates who aren't unforgivably shallow and are looking for a genuine life partner rather than a trendy fashion accessory with a pulse rate and thus are worthy of our time and affection.


Excellent post. :checkmark:
And for more than one reason!
That story is eye opening.

I belong to that peculiar category of people who will most generally find at the very least one feature that they consider [very] attractive in other men - and very often it's something that they don't like; say a less than perfect torso with maybe no six-pack, or the big nose they don't like, or the shorter dick they are shy about...their hairy legs, or -precisely- being "ginger"...
Being classically attractive means little to nothing to me. Unless looks are accompanied by a nice character, a warm smile and a good sense of humour, they account to zero as far as I'm concerned.
Believe me, beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder.
 
TSS
Posts: 3658
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:40 am

oldannyboy wrote:
TSS wrote:
TTailedTiger wrote:

I was born about a month early and the doctor wouldn't do the procedure since I was premature. Even though I was healthy I guess it was standard not to do it since they wouldn't know if any symptoms that came up were due to being born premature or from the circumcision.


Apparently that's not unusual, or at least didn't used to be. Over the years I've run into a couple of guys who had similar stories as to why they weren't circumcised but, for example, their brothers were.

TTailedTiger wrote:
There was nothing wrong with it medically but I just didn't like the look of it. I went to a cosmetic surgeon in Miami who specialized in it and he did a great job.


Fair enough, and thank you for being so candid about what to some is a "taboo" subject. Within the context of this thread I think it's important to highlight that the procedure was something you wanted done for your own reasons, not because another person was pressuring you to have it done.

I have a story about a friend who had it done for exactly the wrong reason: A British friend of mine fell madly, soppily, and sickeningly in love with a girl he met. A first she found his attention flattering and reciprocated to an extent, but after a while his borderline-obsessive devotion to her started to get on her nerves and she became at first inattentive and later outright verbally abusive to him, which didn't seem to dim his ardor in the least. Although their sex life was fine at first, as she lost patience with him she became less and less willing to engage. When he confronted her about this, she told him that she found guys who were not circumcised repulsive (despite the fact that: A. it clearly wasn't a problem when they first got together and B. if true, then the UK definitely was not the place for her to be dating the locals) and that he'd have to get circumcised in order for their relationship to continue. Shortly after that she went home to visit family for a month and while she was gone, he got himself circumcised against the advice of myself and several other friends of his. When she got back, he surprised her with his "new look" and, much to his dismay, she got mad and told him that she'd just used him not being circumcised as an excuse, that she'd hoped he'd refuse to do it and that they'd break up instead, after which she terminated their relationship on the spot.

Another point to consider is that sometimes the very feature about ourselves that we consider least attractive, obsess about, and would change if we could such as having a foreskin (in the US), having a large nose, being unusually hairy, being bald, being "ginger", or any other of a large number of slight physical anomalies are in reality things that are either complete non-issues or can actually be highly attractive "bonus" features to potential mates who aren't unforgivably shallow and are looking for a genuine life partner rather than a trendy fashion accessory with a pulse rate and thus are worthy of our time and affection.


Excellent post. :checkmark:
And for more than one reason!
That story is eye opening.


Thank you, Sir, although in reading it back I can't help but wish I'd proofread it just once more for spelling and grammar mistakes before hitting "Submit". OCD is a cruel and demanding task-master. :white:

oldannyboy wrote:
I belong to that peculiar category of people who will most generally find at the very least one feature that they consider [very] attractive in other men - and very often it's something that they don't like; say a less than perfect torso with maybe no six-pack, or the big nose they don't like, or the shorter dick they are shy about...their hairy legs, or -precisely- being "ginger"...
Being classically attractive means little to nothing to me. Unless looks are accompanied by a nice character, a warm smile and a good sense of humour, they account to zero as far as I'm concerned.
Believe me, beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder.


We are of one mind on that. :highfive:
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
User avatar
trpmb6
Posts: 3018
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 12:54 pm

oldannyboy wrote:
trpmb6 wrote:
oldannyboy wrote:

That qualifies to genital mutilation in my book. It's the forcible removal of the single most sensitive part of the male human anatomy, and it is done to an infant who is incapable of defending himself. Ghastly.
The worst part truthfully is that it's not elective surgery, but something (dare I say merely 'cultural'?) that is enforced on the newborn who has no way to defend his [human] rights.
It's one of the most barbaric, ritualistic, tribal, ancestral, unnecessary, evil, painful procedures, designed solely and entirely to reduce the sensitivity of the male anatomy, in turn reducing the pleasure and the likelihood of masturbation. Cue how most men will need lubricant in order to masturbate in the US - something that is totally unheard of for the intact male.
Recent psychological studies are directly correlating the high levels of violence in US society to the fact that the first major/significant interaction most newly born male babies will have with another fellow human, will be the violent, painful, bloody encounter when they will be strapped onto a table by the practitioner who will forcibly mutilate their perfect penile anatomy for no reason.
I cannot even begin to express how wrong child genital mutilation is.


The jury is out on most of your assertions. There are still medical benefits from having the procedure done,
NONE - talk to any serious practitioner, and they will say that UNLESS an adult man has a severe case of phimosis, circumcision is totally unnecessary
though in today's world not entirely necessary - we are quite hygienic these days. The psychological aspect of an infant developing into a violent person because of an experience in which they feel no pain is totally absurd. Almost blasphemous if you ask me.

Well you should watch some circumcision videos to see how not painful the 'ritual' is. Some babies cry and howl throughout it, some loose consciousness and pass out, some go under shock to the point of stopping breathing, some even refuse the mother's breast [clearly, the infant feels betrayed] -- IT IS a violent, barbaric procedure.

I can't even believe people would actually believe such a thing. Your masturbation claim is unsupported. I do agree with it being mostly a cultural thing now. That doesn't make it right or wrong.
Get an education, read something about it. People will believe me if the educate themselves on the matter. IT WAS ALL about preventing masturbation. And the fact that it is a cultural thing makes TOTALLY WRONG if it is IMPOSED on people, cue the newborn infant. It is a violation of the human body, and of the rights of the child. Most men would probably like to decide themselves if they want to have the most sensitive part of their dick chopped off.


Was there for all three of my son's procedures. No crying, no passing out, no pain. In fact they were generally happier after the procedure than before. They get some local anesthetic and a little bit of sugar water and are happy as can be. Stop sharing disinformation.
 
User avatar
einsteinboricua
Topic Author
Posts: 8481
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:11 pm

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:40 pm

oldannyboy wrote:
I belong to that peculiar category of people who will most generally find at the very least one feature that they consider [very] attractive in other men - and very often it's something that they don't like; say a less than perfect torso with maybe no six-pack, or the big nose they don't like, or the shorter dick they are shy about...their hairy legs, or -precisely- being "ginger"...
Being classically attractive means little to nothing to me. Unless looks are accompanied by a nice character, a warm smile and a good sense of humour, they account to zero as far as I'm concerned.
Believe me, beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I think we all have that, and I tell folks that we all want what we don't have. I was dating a guy that is pretty smooth (whereas I'm the opposite). He was fascinated by my body hair and I kept telling him that I wish I were less hairy (I still would like some chest hair, but not the rug I have). At the same time, I also wanted to be in an all-in-or-nothing mode. Though my torso is hairy, my back is patchy so I'm in this strange part of the spectrum where I like it but I don't like it...
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
 
oldannyboy
Posts: 2573
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:28 am

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:43 pm

In fact they were generally happier after the procedure than before. .[/quote]

Yup. I can so see a baby being happier after some practitioner has forcibly mutilated a part of their penis. Indeed.

I'd like to know the very reason why you had your three babies circumcised, other than YOU HAD IT DONE to you as an infant - which is no good reason at all.
You may call it 'cultural', to me it's a crude, barbaric, ritualistic, tribal practice.
You may also want to educate yourself on the shameful but powerful economic lobby behind circumcision in the US, endorsed NOT by pediatric organizations, but by those hospitals and those doctors who make $$$$ cutting babies; as well as the companies producing the torture instruments they use to mutilate babies.
 
User avatar
trpmb6
Posts: 3018
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:45 pm

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:44 pm

einsteinboricua wrote:
oldannyboy wrote:
I belong to that peculiar category of people who will most generally find at the very least one feature that they consider [very] attractive in other men - and very often it's something that they don't like; say a less than perfect torso with maybe no six-pack, or the big nose they don't like, or the shorter dick they are shy about...their hairy legs, or -precisely- being "ginger"...
Being classically attractive means little to nothing to me. Unless looks are accompanied by a nice character, a warm smile and a good sense of humour, they account to zero as far as I'm concerned.
Believe me, beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I think we all have that, and I tell folks that we all want what we don't have. I was dating a guy that is pretty smooth (whereas I'm the opposite). He was fascinated by my body hair and I kept telling him that I wish I were less hairy (I still would like some chest hair, but not the rug I have). At the same time, I also wanted to be in an all-in-or-nothing mode. Though my torso is hairy, my back is patchy so I'm in this strange part of the spectrum where I like it but I don't like it...


We are our own worse critics far too often. It's cliché but true. I'm sure there is some biological reason for it, though much of it is also driven by cultural norms and perceptions of what is attractive. Our innate drive to position ourselves better for a potential mate/partner no doubt drives us.
 
User avatar
777222LR
Posts: 370
Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2012 2:19 am

Re: Body modifications

Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:35 pm

I have tattoos, and I've also had plastic surgery (tummy tuck which basically ended up being a 360 tuck around my waist). The tummy tuck was due to an extreme loss of weight, so I wanted to just take care of the rest of it. I'm glad I did, but it did leave a mean scar. The tattoos are a sleeve on my right arm, a world map with flight paths to all the destinations I've been to on my left chest, left shoulder, and writing across the middle of my chest. I'm 100 percent comfortable with the decisions I made on all of these things, but I do not like the scar on my waistline.
 
TSS
Posts: 3658
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Re: Body modifications

Sun Sep 22, 2019 2:07 am

I heard an ad on the radio yesterday for "body sculpting", which purported to use either heat or freezing (they claimed to offer both methods) to eliminate small areas of fat that no amount of dieting and exercise will get rid of but that aren't big enough to warrant liposuction. Is this complete BS, or does it actually work? Has anyone here known anyone who had this done?
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
WIederling
Posts: 9308
Joined: Sun Sep 13, 2015 2:15 pm

Re: Body modifications

Sun Sep 22, 2019 8:08 am

777222LR wrote:
... but I do not like the scar on my waistline.


Always wondered:
Any issues with (scar tissue || remaining skin) elasticity?
i.e. does the shortened skin bind on larger movements?
Murphy is an optimist
 
User avatar
777222LR
Posts: 370
Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2012 2:19 am

Re: Body modifications

Sun Sep 22, 2019 11:58 am

WIederling wrote:
777222LR wrote:
... but I do not like the scar on my waistline.


Always wondered:
Any issues with (scar tissue || remaining skin) elasticity?
i.e. does the shortened skin bind on larger movements?



I was 36 when I had the tummy tuck. I still have good elasticity in my skin. The odd part about it is that it took several years before the feeling around my belly button came back. They literally take it off, do the tuck, the put the belly button back on in a new spot. Even now, it still feels different.

The first surgery, the scar has basically faded. It was the other two (mainly on the sides) that left scars. If you can get the surgeon to do the incisions low enough on the waistline, it is hidden.

It is definitely tight. Noticeable when I put my hands above my head or hang from something, like doing chin-ups at the gym. It's not uncomfortable, but you definitely notice.
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 2667
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Body modifications

Sun Sep 22, 2019 1:29 pm

TSS wrote:
When he confronted her about this, she told him that she found guys who were not circumcised repulsive (despite the fact that: A. it clearly wasn't a problem when they first got together


Not sure why I zeroed in on this part. But, well, I did.

Anyway, I very much doubt this wasn't a problem when they first started. I've been with my share of women where I was alright to forgive all manner of nuisances and defects, and I still put out. At first. Generally with the understanding that these were to be worked on, or that this was to be a temporary gig.

It's a lot like when you get hired at a new job. Sure, you may have bad habits and/or not know everything you need to at first. But it's expected that these will be worked out and proficiency improved over a reasonable amount of time. Or ways will be parted. Whichever is most convenient for all involved.

People don't like to admit this, probably because we're a little sentimental for our own good these days. But relationships are the same.

I doubt she expected your friend to be perfect, and sure as hell not at first. But it looks like there was probably some complete failure to connect or normalize. I agree that the circ job probably had nothing to do with it. . .

TSS wrote:
When she got back, he surprised her with his "new look" and, much to his dismay, she got mad and told him that she'd just used him not being circumcised as an excuse, that she'd hoped he'd refuse to do it and that they'd break up instead, after which she terminated their relationship on the spot.


Good for her. I can only imagine how awkward prolonging that would have been.
"Nous ne sommes pas infectés. Il n'y a pas d'infection ici..."
 
TSS
Posts: 3658
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Re: Body modifications

Sun Sep 22, 2019 4:09 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
TSS wrote:
When he confronted her about this, she told him that she found guys who were not circumcised repulsive (despite the fact that: A. it clearly wasn't a problem when they first got together


Not sure why I zeroed in on this part. But, well, I did.

Anyway, I very much doubt this wasn't a problem when they first started. I've been with my share of women where I was alright to forgive all manner of nuisances and defects, and I still put out. At first. Generally with the understanding that these were to be worked on, or that this was to be a temporary gig.

It's a lot like when you get hired at a new job. Sure, you may have bad habits and/or not know everything you need to at first. But it's expected that these will be worked out and proficiency improved over a reasonable amount of time. Or ways will be parted. Whichever is most convenient for all involved.

People don't like to admit this, probably because we're a little sentimental for our own good these days. But relationships are the same.

I doubt she expected your friend to be perfect, and sure as hell not at first. But it looks like there was probably some complete failure to connect or normalize. I agree that the circ job probably had nothing to do with it. . .


Once she was finally honest with him about wanting to break up, his foreskin had nothing at all to do with it. Her actual reaction was "Oh my God, I never dreamed you'd go and do that! I thought you'd just break up with me instead! Listen, we need to stop seeing each other. It's over".

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
TSS wrote:
When she got back, he surprised her with his "new look" and, much to his dismay, she got mad and told him that she'd just used him not being circumcised as an excuse, that she'd hoped he'd refuse to do it and that they'd break up instead, after which she terminated their relationship on the spot.


Good for her.


Good for her for, instead of just being up front and honest and telling him straight up that she didn't want to see him any more, lying to him by giving him a very difficult task to complete that is supposed to make her happy and further cement the relationship, and then dropping the bombshell of a complete breakup on him after he completed the task she assigned?

Let's try putting the shoe on the other foot for a moment: Suppose a female friend of yours is madly in love with a guy who, out of the blue, tells her that she has to get a breast reduction done to her perfectly normal-sized breasts or they can't see each other any more. He goes out of town, she has the surgery done because he wanted it, and when she surprises him with her "new look" upon his return, he tells her that he just used her previous breast size as an excuse, he never thought she'd go through with it, and he'd hoped that she would break up with him instead, after which he breaks up with her on the spot. Would that be a "Good for him" moment as well?

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
I can only imagine how awkward prolonging that would have been.


Imagine how much less awkward it would have been for both of them if she had simply broken up with him when she knew she wanted to rather than trying (and failing) to manipulate him into breaking up with her.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 2667
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Body modifications

Tue Sep 24, 2019 3:47 am

TSS wrote:

Once she was finally honest with him about wanting to break up, his foreskin had nothing at all to do with it. Her actual reaction was "Oh my God, I never dreamed you'd go and do that! I thought you'd just break up with me instead! Listen, we need to stop seeing each other. It's over".



One can imagine how horrifying that can be. . .

I actually did have a similar event occur in the past, although it did not involve surgery... per se. When she showed me what she'd done, I left her on the spot without further communication. There was nothing to indicate that being honest with her would have been a smart, or even responsible, thing to do. I certainly have no regrets about that action.

TSS wrote:

Good for her for, instead of just being up front and honest and telling him straight up that she didn't want to see him any more, lying to him by giving him a very difficult task to complete that is supposed to make her happy and further cement the relationship, and then dropping the bombshell of a complete breakup on him after he completed the task she assigned?


Not knowing your friend or his used-up girlfriend, it is hard to say with any real certainty. But just based on what it looks like from your postings...

Yeah, I will stand by that. There are people out there that react very poorly to honesty, and it is not hard to see how she might think this is a good idea. Consider that he was willing to mutilate his body for her. What does that tell you he would do to her in the wrong moment?

That is not taking into account whether he is a nice guy or not; that is more or less not a factor. It is the specific severity of the action that raises concern. Nice people do terrible things all the time when all the wrong holes line up in the Swiss Cheese.

I am not saying anything specific about your friend, as I obviously do not know him. But I do know people. And someone willing to go that far likely will not take further rejections well. At all.

It is easy for us to not think of these things, but for women, this is a fact of life. Even if your friend would never have hurt her, after a display like that, there is nothing to tell her otherwise.

TSS wrote:
Let's try putting the shoe on the other foot for a moment: Suppose a female friend of yours is madly in love with a guy who, out of the blue, tells her that she has to get a breast reduction done to her perfectly normal-sized breasts or they can't see each other any more. He goes out of town, she has the surgery done because he wanted it, and when she surprises him with her "new look" upon his return, he tells her that he just used her previous breast size as an excuse, he never thought she'd go through with it, and he'd hoped that she would break up with him instead, after which he breaks up with her on the spot. Would that be a "Good for him" moment as well?


As I mentioned, yes, there are some gender-dynamic differences at play. But ultimately, yes, he would do well to exit after such a thing. It is a huge indicator that there will be massive boundary issues/defects in the future.


TSS wrote:
Imagine how much less awkward it would have been for both of them if she had simply broken up with him when she knew she wanted to rather than trying (and failing) to manipulate him into breaking up with her.


Again, I do not know her. But why the supposition that it was at all awkward for her in that instance? If she felt it was the safer or more convenient option, that should be the end of it for her.

I would agree that ideally, sure, it is better to be honest. But in some cases manipulation, or even just a straight up ghosting, is a better policy.
"Nous ne sommes pas infectés. Il n'y a pas d'infection ici..."
 
User avatar
einsteinboricua
Topic Author
Posts: 8481
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:11 pm

Re: Body modifications

Tue Sep 24, 2019 1:19 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
I would agree that ideally, sure, it is better to be honest. But in some cases manipulation, or even just a straight up ghosting, is a better policy.

So in your opinion, when dealing with relationships, you think it's better to lie, manipulate, or sugarcoat things as opposed to tell the truth. So if your partner cheats on you and they say "it's just a friend", you'd be OK if they reveal it's more serious (because, imagine how awkward it must be to have to tell someone that you don't like them anymore), and then when you get upset, you'd also be OK with being manipulated to accept that it's YOUR fault they cheated on you because of reasons...
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 2667
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Body modifications

Tue Sep 24, 2019 2:42 pm

einsteinboricua wrote:
So in your opinion, when dealing with relationships, you think it's better to lie, manipulate, or sugarcoat things as opposed to tell the truth. So if your partner cheats on you and they say "it's just a friend", you'd be OK if they reveal it's more serious (because, imagine how awkward it must be to have to tell someone that you don't like them anymore), and then when you get upset, you'd also be OK with being manipulated to accept that it's YOUR fault they cheated on you because of reasons...


Serious question there? Ok, I will bite.

But it is not likely to be the answer you are looking for.

Most simply put, I would not get cheated on. That is one of the nicer by-products of not involving myself in a monogamous situation in the first place. I find the nature of those relationships to be inherently possessive anyway; my time not with a partner belongs exclusively to me. I would never place myself in a situation with anyone who seeks to restrict that.

That is not the same as being a Swinger, just so we are clear. I simply do not promise or allow sexual exclusivity for any reason.

As for favoring lying and manipulations? No, not particularly. Not more so than any of us, at any rate. It does, however, bear mentioning that a substantial amount of people handle relationship-ending truths poorly. We will come back to how I actually handle terminations in a moment. As it pertains to the example up-thread, my read is that that woman probably was safer being deceptive. And when it gets to that level, concerns about playing nice (for lack of a better way to insert overt honesty into that event), take a far distant back seat. I do really believe that someone willing to do an impromptu body modification for a woman is likely unstable.

As for how would I (admittedly hypothetically) handle being on the receiving end of manipulations in support of an affair? The same as I would any other event whereby continued partnership with an individual becomes untenable. If she has not left me already (in which case the problem has solved itself), my preferred method of dealing is to simply inform her that I will not be speaking to her again, and return any of her items in my possession.

I would not entertain a Q&A over the issue. That is actually a very standard practice for me; what turns me away from a woman may be attractive to someone else. No sense in giving someone a reason to change behavior that may work for them.

On a more personal level, I have always struggled to understand what it is about cheating that angers people so much. On the surface, I would like to agree that it represents a non-trivial amount of rejection. But --and this is what always gets me-- all that is actually happening is that one partner is proven to not be up for what the other thought. If that is a deal-breaker, so be it. I just find it difficult to justify the amount of anger and energy people put into finding out that their partners are not who they thought they were. Compared with the frequency things like of abusive behavior, financial insolvency and other relationship disasters, cheating seems to be pretty far down on the list of things to worry over.

Anyway, I get that I do not approach these things in the most traditional manner. But it works for me and works well. I am sorry I do not have a better answer for you. There really are things that I just will not try to relate to anymore. This is one of them.
"Nous ne sommes pas infectés. Il n'y a pas d'infection ici..."

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: flyguy89, IFlyTWA, WarRI1 and 46 guests

Popular Searches On Airliners.net

Top Photos of Last:   24 Hours  •  48 Hours  •  7 Days  •  30 Days  •  180 Days  •  365 Days  •  All Time

Military Aircraft Every type from fighters to helicopters from air forces around the globe

Classic Airliners Props and jets from the good old days

Flight Decks Views from inside the cockpit

Aircraft Cabins Passenger cabin shots showing seat arrangements as well as cargo aircraft interior

Cargo Aircraft Pictures of great freighter aircraft

Government Aircraft Aircraft flying government officials

Helicopters Our large helicopter section. Both military and civil versions

Blimps / Airships Everything from the Goodyear blimp to the Zeppelin

Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos