caliboy93
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Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:02 am

Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?
 
NIKV69
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:08 am

Watch the movie Fatal Attraction and reverse the roles you will get back to your senses.
Nikon from day one, Nikon till I die.
 
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seb146
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:16 am

Nothing. Not a damn thing.

And, no, there is no difference between a guy with feelings for a married man and a guy with feelings for a married woman.

Actually, let me amend this. I know what you are getting at. What is going on in your mind that you have feelings for her? What are you lacking? What are you searching for that your feelings think she can fulfill? The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but that usually means the septic tank is leaking over there.
You bet I'm pumped!!! I just had a green tea!!!
 
CaptHadley
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:25 am

caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Honestly? Go for it. Was in a marriage that was basically roommates who occasionally had sex. Didn't wan't to leave due to what she brought income wise and her insurance. Met a co-worker, she was also married and in the same situation. We had the same taste in music, movies, work, etc. We both made each other laugh. We commuted together 5 days a week. Started the affair and it lasted 10 years until she was transferred. Did a couple trips but unfortunately it fizzled away. Have never regretted it and if she ever were to relocate back we would start right back up again. No bragging about it, just being honest, she was the proverbial "One".
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:32 am

caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


No idea what I would advise a man to do. I know I've felt attracted to married men but that stopped happening when I started getting the depo shot. Knocks down my libido significantly by suppressing my hormones so I can feel passing attraction to people but my instincts are easily controlled if someone "off-limits" catches my eye. I really don't think there's an equivalent way for men to modulate their hormones without taking them down too much causing them to lose their benefits of being men (physical strength especially) or developing embarrassing feminine characteristics (like gynecomastia).

Just know that feeling uncontrollable desire for "off-limits" people is driven by hormones (causing you to act on instinct rather than rational thought) and diverting your attention away from it is a matter of allowing your rational thought overpower your instinct.

The pharmaceutical industry should really see a possible market for helping men modulate their hormones without crippling them for those who have libidos getting them into trouble (like you're indicating here), distracting them when they want to focus on their career, or making them feel intensely lonely and depressed when they have no significant other in their lives. We women have an option, men don't. The vast amount of women on birth control for "off-label" uses (like myself, for limiting blood loss due to a clotting factor deficiency) tells me there's a large market that hasn't been capitalized on in men for a product with similar beneficial effects to what birth control provides to women.

Btw any single dudes out there attracted to and frustrated with a single lady who shows no sexual attraction to anyone, she might be like me and is staying on a birth control method that kills her libido intentionally because it helps her focus on her career. I noticed the depo shot does this to me but never asked to try anything else because I like the side effect. Guys take it really personally when I turn them down though, even though I make it clear I'm not strongly attracted to anyone at all.


CaptHadley wrote:
caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Honestly? Go for it. Was in a marriage that was basically roommates who occasionally had sex. Didn't wan't to leave due to what she brought income wise and her insurance. Met a co-worker, she was also married and in the same situation. We had the same taste in music, movies, work, etc. We both made each other laugh. We commuted together 5 days a week. Started the affair and it lasted 10 years until she was transferred. Did a couple trips but unfortunately it fizzled away. Have never regretted it and if she ever were to relocate back we would start right back up again. No bragging about it, just being honest, she was the proverbial "One".


It works out for some people, but more often than not it will end in disaster. I would advise from personal observation that he avoids this because more often than not it works out poorly. If she's really interested in leaving her husband she should leave him first to prove she's really open to someone else seriously instead of just straying and wanting a side fling that may end in severe drama.
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DLFREEBIRD
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:58 am

didn't you just lose your mom? here's the thing, your vulnerable and will be for a while. I would just be friends for now.
work through your grief.
 
jetero
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:00 am

Have you been in a relationship before?

(Serious question.)
 
caliboy93
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:08 am

jetero wrote:
Have you been in a relationship before?

(Serious question.)


No, never.
 
jetero
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:10 am

caliboy93 wrote:
jetero wrote:
Have you been in a relationship before?

(Serious question.)


No, never.


Then it’s all just part of growing up. There’s plenty of us in front of you who have tread that trail.
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:12 am

caliboy93 wrote:
jetero wrote:
Have you been in a relationship before?

(Serious question.)


No, never.


Definitely start with something less turbulent than pursuing a married person would be. You'd also set yourself up to be manipulated if you haven't experienced what a "normal" relationship would be like. She could use you worse than you should be tolerating but you wouldn't know you shouldn't be tolerating it.
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Aaron747
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:29 am

caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Find a new hobby or start trying to make yourself better at whatever you’re doing for a living. No need to make a big mess over temporary chemical drives - we’ve all been there. It’s a huge waste of time in the end. You should have a relationship with and/or marry your best friend - and nobody else.
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
Kiwirob
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:52 am

caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


If she is expressing feelings back I’d have a go. She might be in a miserable marriage, you never know.
 
flipdewaf
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:16 am

Kiwirob wrote:
caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


If she is expressing feelings back I’d have a go. She might be in a miserable marriage, you never know.

Agree, I was 19 and had ‘feelings’ for a married 29 year old. She was unhappy in her marriage, divorced and we spent a good year together, she also lived 3000miles away. This was ~13 years ago and she has remarried and I am now happily married too. We are still very good friends and act as each other’s listening post. It can be good. I’m sure there are stories that are not.

Fred


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Tugger
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:46 am

caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?

Well to be honest there are several options. you can ignore the feelings and move on, you divert yourself intentionally and put yourself into situations she is not and other more available women are, or quite frankly you could flirt and see if your flirting is returned and go from there.

Of course many will say the last is bad and dumb and irresponsible but lets face it, affairs and infidelity are very common and normal. She has to make the decision too of course, and wee have no idea what her situation is in fact. There are millions of people who have looked outside their relationship for things that are lacking in it. We may nay like to admit it but it is as old as humanity,

Three are more risks though, from the spouse directly to your own friends and family not approving, just be aware. And you will learn something regardless, of course it may not be something you want to learn but we all learn from the relationships we engage in.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
Productivity isn’t about getting more things done, rather it’s about getting the right things done, while doing less. - M. Oshin
 
tommy1808
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:15 am

Aaron747 wrote:
caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Find a new hobby or start trying to make yourself better at whatever you’re doing for a living. No need to make a big mess over temporary chemical drives - we’ve all been there. It’s a huge waste of time in the end. You should have a relationship with and/or marry your best friend - and nobody else.


While true, your significant other should be your, or one your, best friends. But, that being said, I wouldn't press the issue unless she returns the feeling, but see no reason not to if she does. Womans that cheat, there will be exceptions, have usually long decided to leave their partners behind.

Best regards
Thomas
This Singature is a safe space......
 
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Jouhou
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:58 am

tommy1808 wrote:
Aaron747 wrote:
caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Find a new hobby or start trying to make yourself better at whatever you’re doing for a living. No need to make a big mess over temporary chemical drives - we’ve all been there. It’s a huge waste of time in the end. You should have a relationship with and/or marry your best friend - and nobody else.


While true, your significant other should be your, or one your, best friends. But, that being said, I wouldn't press the issue unless she returns the feeling, but see no reason not to if she does. Womans that cheat, there will be exceptions, have usually long decided to leave their partners behind.

Best regards
Thomas


Errr. Maybe in Germany, but here in the US most of my female friends who cheated on their boyfriends and husbands didn't tell them, didn't leave them, and seem to be more influenced by cluster B personality disorders more than anything. Many others who don't cheat aren't neurotic enough to even consider wasting the amount of time involved in juggling relationships like that. It's just too much time and effort. A one night stand after a drinking binge is maybe normal, but nothing deeper than that.
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Aaron747
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:19 am

Jouhou wrote:
tommy1808 wrote:
Aaron747 wrote:

Find a new hobby or start trying to make yourself better at whatever you’re doing for a living. No need to make a big mess over temporary chemical drives - we’ve all been there. It’s a huge waste of time in the end. You should have a relationship with and/or marry your best friend - and nobody else.


While true, your significant other should be your, or one your, best friends. But, that being said, I wouldn't press the issue unless she returns the feeling, but see no reason not to if she does. Womans that cheat, there will be exceptions, have usually long decided to leave their partners behind.

Best regards
Thomas


Errr. Maybe in Germany, but here in the US most of my female friends who cheated on their boyfriends and husbands didn't tell them, didn't leave them, and seem to be more influenced by cluster B personality disorders more than anything. Many others who don't cheat aren't neurotic enough to even consider wasting the amount of time involved in juggling relationships like that. It's just too much time and effort. A one night stand after a drinking binge is maybe normal, but nothing deeper than that.


Agreed. I got the impression from the OP that he already feels it's somewhat wrong, hence asking for advice to support that conclusion. If she wants out and returns the feelings, there is potential there, but again only if there is an actual deep friendship. Anything else is simply fleeting, physical, and not worth the emotional expenditure.
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
tommy1808
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:44 am

Jouhou wrote:
tommy1808 wrote:
Aaron747 wrote:

Find a new hobby or start trying to make yourself better at whatever you’re doing for a living. No need to make a big mess over temporary chemical drives - we’ve all been there. It’s a huge waste of time in the end. You should have a relationship with and/or marry your best friend - and nobody else.


While true, your significant other should be your, or one your, best friends. But, that being said, I wouldn't press the issue unless she returns the feeling, but see no reason not to if she does. Womans that cheat, there will be exceptions, have usually long decided to leave their partners behind.

Best regards
Thomas


Errr. Maybe in Germany, but here in the US most of my female friends who cheated on their boyfriends and husbands didn't tell them, didn't leave them,


A friend of mine cheated three times, ever closer to home and ever more public, until she finally got caught. She and others where smart enough women to cheat undetected for decades, but of course hold-and-keep-looking is popular here too. ... and at least Michigan seems to work like home in that regard. Of course outside the "return those feelings" women you find all sorts of reasons to have sex.

Best regards
Thomas
This Singature is a safe space......
 
bennett123
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:57 am

Fred,

You say she was unhappy in her marriage and that she was divorced.

Surely if she was divorced, then she was no longer married.
 
flipdewaf
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:01 pm

bennett123 wrote:
Fred,

You say she was unhappy in her marriage and that she was divorced.

Surely if she was divorced, then she was no longer married.

Not divorced at the start....


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Airstud
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:10 pm

Some of Jouhou's posts make me think she should be the only one allowed to post.
Pancakes are delicious.
 
jetwet1
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 3:12 pm

How old are you and how old is she ?

Do you work for the same company ?
 
Redd
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:04 pm

Married women can be good for a shag, but not if you have any feelings for them. If a woman is willing to cheat on her husband/boyfriend, she'll cheat on you one day.

Considering your experience, and the fact that you have 'feelings', stay the hell away. Listen to Jouhou, that married woman will chew you up and spit you out, you'll end up worse off than ever before, and you'll end up with a very, very skewed idea of what a relationship should be.
 
NIKV69
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:28 pm

Redd wrote:
Married women can be good for a shag, but not if you have any feelings for them. If a woman is willing to cheat on her husband/boyfriend, she'll cheat on you one day.
.


Best post in this thread!
Nikon from day one, Nikon till I die.
 
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Tugger
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:55 pm

NIKV69 wrote:
Redd wrote:
Married women can be good for a shag, but not if you have any feelings for them. If a woman is willing to cheat on her husband/boyfriend, she'll cheat on you one day.
.


Best post in this thread!

It's a cute post but not really accurate. I think it is mostly said as a trope or by the people who were cheated on. We should all know men and women who have cheated during a marriage or relationship only to find "the one" and have remained true and committed thereafter. I know at least three couples like that.

The world, life, and relationships are not easy nor simple.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
Productivity isn’t about getting more things done, rather it’s about getting the right things done, while doing less. - M. Oshin
 
DLFREEBIRD
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:43 pm

OP please don't listen to stereotypical opinions of women laid out at your feet from some board members.
They are much older than you and some of their posts, make it sound like they are the walking wounded.
Women don't spit men out unless there's a good reason.

Relationships are complicated, being in a bad marriage, most women need time to think, it doesn't mean they are ready to move on, it means they need a sounding board. trust your gut, and take things slow relationships need time to grow.
 
NIKV69
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:47 pm

Tugger wrote:
NIKV69 wrote:
Redd wrote:
Married women can be good for a shag, but not if you have any feelings for them. If a woman is willing to cheat on her husband/boyfriend, she'll cheat on you one day.
.


Best post in this thread!

It's a cute post but not really accurate. I think it is mostly said as a trope or by the people who were cheated on. We should all know men and women who have cheated during a marriage or relationship only to find "the one" and have remained true and committed thereafter. I know at least three couples like that.

The world, life, and relationships are not easy nor simple.

Tugg


Yes it very accurate. Thinking you can have a relationship with someone on heavy rebound and or married is looking for trouble.

Also the heavy support for adultery is here is also alarming.
Nikon from day one, Nikon till I die.
 
AirWorthy99
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:00 pm

My advice, as difficult it may be, run away and avoid this.

In any case, a marriage is something someone must always respect. So unless she divorces, I don't recommend you continue to have feelings or interest for this person.
So if you wish to pursue this, let her be 'free' till you move in.
“In my experience eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles.” Tyrion Lannister
 
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Tugger
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:33 pm

NIKV69 wrote:
Tugger wrote:
NIKV69 wrote:

Best post in this thread!

It's a cute post but not really accurate. I think it is mostly said as a trope or by the people who were cheated on. We should all know men and women who have cheated during a marriage or relationship only to find "the one" and have remained true and committed thereafter. I know at least three couples like that.

The world, life, and relationships are not easy nor simple.

Tugg


Yes it very accurate. Thinking you can have a relationship with someone on heavy rebound and or married is looking for trouble.

Also the heavy support for adultery is here is also alarming.

So you know no one that has had an affair and then remarried and been faithful?

And it's not "support", it is reality.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
Productivity isn’t about getting more things done, rather it’s about getting the right things done, while doing less. - M. Oshin
 
BN747
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:37 pm

seb146 wrote:
Nothing. Not a damn thing.

And, no, there is no difference between a guy with feelings for a married man and a guy with feelings for a married woman.

Actually, let me amend this. I know what you are getting at. What is going on in your mind that you have feelings for her? What are you lacking? What are you searching for that your feelings think she can fulfill? The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but that usually means the septic tank is leaking over there.


What our friend here is doing (same as 90% of men), his feelings are he actually has the hots for her.

That's a sexual drive born out how she carries her self at the work place. Women are in better command of sexuality than men.
If she sends him a 'consensual' hint...he'll bite just be prepared for consequences you are not thinking about now while you are thing about her.

Pillow talk may not be as romantic or al fuzzy as one imagines.


CaptHadley wrote:
caliboy93 wrote:
Hey, what can I do when I start having feelings for a woman who is taken or married?


Honestly? Go for it. Was in a marriage that was basically roommates who occasionally had sex. Didn't wan't to leave due to what she brought income wise and her insurance. Met a co-worker, she was also married and in the same situation. We had the same taste in music, movies, work, etc. We both made each other laugh. We commuted together 5 days a week. Started the affair and it lasted 10 years until she was transferred. Did a couple trips but unfortunately it fizzled away. Have never regretted it and if she ever were to relocate back we would start right back up again. No bragging about it, just being honest, she was the proverbial "One".


Now THAT is how you do it!

Life really comes down to who connects with you (and you them) in that unique way that doesn't require total commitment.

The days of a life long pairing are not on the increase, they are on the decrease because people have far more accurate evaluating skills (tools) to measure/gauge the length of a potential relationship.
Because of that, 'the let's just go for it' marriages are really disappearing. The Boomers on up have set the stage of 'cost analysis' in relationships....and it has only gotten more intense.

A life of having the best time with as many people as you can will certainly end in having lived a FULL life - sexual and non.

Salud CaptHadley, job well done on the human relationship scale.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
Redd
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:58 pm

Tugger wrote:
So you know no one that has had an affair and then remarried and been faithful?

Tugg


Women like that are never yours, it could just happen to be your turn though. Enjoy the fun and never treat it as anything more. But hey, miracles do happen.
 
LittleFokker
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:16 pm

In my senior year of college, I met a woman on the internet who was about 10 years older than me. She was also separated, not divorced, from her husband and had three kids. It was a fun fling, I enjoyed talking to her and had some fun times. I think it was the fifth date though when she had to rush me out of her apartment because her husband was about to come over and drop off the kids and made me think "Whoa, I'm totally not ready for what I'm getting myself into here," so I broke it off. No regrets, though it did take me a long time after that to find a meaningful relationship. 17 years later, I am now separated from my wife and getting back into the dating scene. Since I have a 4 year old son, dating a woman with kids is no longer a red flag. The dating game has changed quite a bit since I was last single, it's amazing how many dating profiles I've seen when the women say they are "ethically non-monogamous." Never saw that term before.

Just be patient kid, unless you know for sure the woman is into you as you are her, just stay the hell away. Your time will come.
"All human activities are doomed to failure." - Jean Paul Sartre
 
BN747
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:25 pm

LittleFokker wrote:
In my senior year of college, I met a woman on the internet who was about 10 years older than me. She was also separated, not divorced, from her husband and had three kids. It was a fun fling, I enjoyed talking to her and had some fun times. I think it was the fifth date though when she had to rush me out of her apartment because her husband was about to come over and drop off the kids and made me think "Whoa, I'm totally not ready for what I'm getting myself into here," so I broke it off. No regrets, though it did take me a long time after that to find a meaningful relationship. 17 years later, I am now separated from my wife and getting back into the dating scene. Since I have a 4 year old son, dating a woman with kids is no longer a red flag. The dating game has changed quite a bit since I was last single, it's amazing how many dating profiles I've seen when the women say they are "ethically non-monogamous." Never saw that term before.

Just be patient kid, unless you know for sure the woman is into you as you are her, just stay the hell away. Your time will come.


Great story, thanks for sharing!

I like how you accurately measured the consequences in the earlier tryst and how you got it together after a marriage collapse and bounced right back..that's confidence!

And you are noticing the 'upside' to #MeToo in the ever evolving turns of Human Sexuality's dating concepts...it is a rolling stone.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
afcjets
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:53 pm

Tugger wrote:
NIKV69 wrote:
Thinking you can have a relationship with someone on heavy rebound and or married is looking for trouble.

Also the heavy support for adultery is here is also alarming.

So you know no one that has had an affair and then remarried and been faithful?

And it's not "support", it is reality.


It's possible of course and even likely when things are good. But how secure would you feel if life suddenly got hard? They might want out again and marriage vows and fidelity are nothing they value so what's to stop them again?
 
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Aesma
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:59 pm

Personally I don't care about marriage, so that wouldn't stop me. Of course the first thing to see is if there is some attraction on her side.

Children are another story, I preferably avoid women with children, so if they're married with children, well, that's a big can of worms. In France, people marry after having started kids most of the time, so...

Then again, you can't control your feelings.
New Technology is the name we give to stuff that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
 
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Tugger
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sun Jan 19, 2020 12:10 am

So I will repeat what people are refusing to answer:

Do you not know anyone, any couple, where one person had in the past been unfaithful but now, years later, are in a happy and successful relationship/marriage?

Seriously, I know at least three (without trying to think hard of people I tangentially know) married couples that are that (she or he fooled around during a previous marriage and remarried successfully) and a few others that are just couples in a relationship (long term) but don't have that marriage commitment.

And I am saying this with direct experience, my parents divorced when I was ten and I was hugely impacted. To say "hatred" wasn't my close companion for years would be a misnomer. So I am just speaking a sad and very hard truth: Infidelity happens. A lot. Hearts are ruined and families crushed, and children left bereft. But love and relationships can and do endure, and a past infidelity does not mean someone will for a fact be such in the future. In fact, sometimes those that were unfaithful feel terrible in their core ("Deservedly so!" we all say, in particular those that have had their hearts broken by unfaithful partners) and so are even more intent going forward. Those affected may wish it, may dream that the person is just horrible and terrible, and will forever be incapable of fidelity etc. but that is not reality. We are, all, human. Some people "fit" together, some don't, oftentimes one does not tell their other partner it's not working right off the bat.

It is humanity. Terrible thing that it is.

Tugg
I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. - W. Shatner
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seb146
Posts: 21454
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 1999 7:19 am

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sun Jan 19, 2020 1:07 am

BN747 wrote:
seb146 wrote:
Nothing. Not a damn thing.

And, no, there is no difference between a guy with feelings for a married man and a guy with feelings for a married woman.

Actually, let me amend this. I know what you are getting at. What is going on in your mind that you have feelings for her? What are you lacking? What are you searching for that your feelings think she can fulfill? The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but that usually means the septic tank is leaking over there.


What our friend here is doing (same as 90% of men), his feelings are he actually has the hots for her.

That's a sexual drive born out how she carries her self at the work place. Women are in better command of sexuality than men.
If she sends him a 'consensual' hint...he'll bite just be prepared for consequences you are not thinking about now while you are thing about her.

Pillow talk may not be as romantic or al fuzzy as one imagines.


When the brosband and I moved here two years ago, I had a crap job. The one thing that got me through was one of my coworkers. He was sweet and good looking and easy to talk to. I left that job for a better job and found out by accident that he now works next door to my current job. I do go in and say hi to him from time to time and I still crush on him. But it is not worth destroying what I have with the brosband. Having feelings for someone is natural. We all do it. Flirting is even fine. Watching straight guys flirt with me is hilarious and I give them props. I think the OP should just leave it there. Think long term.

No, the brosband and I are still not legally married. We are social media married. We have talked about it but he is 10 years older than I am and he thinks two men in a wedding is weird. We have a dog and a house and we do love each other. I flirt, he flirts and we tease each other about it. I do not think the OP can honestly say he can laugh and fall asleep with this woman every night.
You bet I'm pumped!!! I just had a green tea!!!
 
BN747
Posts: 7356
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 5:48 am

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sun Jan 19, 2020 3:34 am

seb146 wrote:
I do go in and say hi to him from time to time and I still crush on him. But it is not worth destroying what I have with the brosband. Having feelings for someone is natural. We all do it. Flirting is even fine.


We are sexual creatures by nature, so sexual attraction is a part of the package.

But in a civilized society restraints (laws & rules) are necessary for order to remain firmly in place. We are the human animal after all and that guarantees the probability things can get out of hand.

So it is one or more of our social designs that we place blinders on to avert our eyes to contain our lust. Saudi chicks were the full Bee Keeper suit, religion forces many to walk the straight a narrow (or they think). So yes having those feelings (sexual attraction feelings) are normal but for anything to come of it...it must flow from both parties.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
LittleFokker
Posts: 1174
Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2013 10:25 pm

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sun Jan 19, 2020 5:44 am

BN747 wrote:
Great story, thanks for sharing!

I like how you accurately measured the consequences in the earlier tryst and how you got it together after a marriage collapse and bounced right back..that's confidence!

And you are noticing the 'upside' to #MeToo in the ever evolving turns of Human Sexuality's dating concepts...it is a rolling stone.

BN747


Thanks. Two months ago, when I had the courage of conviction to go through with separation was the first time I've genuinely smiled, and haven't looked back. I know I'm going to owe alimony and child support once we get the divorce finalized hopefully sometime later this year, and I really don't care. I lost all joy of being with her and I didn't want to model a bad marriage for my son. I've been on 4 dates, got laid once, and I'm finally back to looking forward to my days off from work. I've been using the following clip as my inspiration (I know what Louis Ck did, but he is still a damn good comedian):

https://youtu.be/85bfDKudxV4

Caliboy, I think you might benefit from memorizing this clip.
"All human activities are doomed to failure." - Jean Paul Sartre
 
BN747
Posts: 7356
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 5:48 am

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Sun Jan 19, 2020 5:58 am

LittleFokker wrote:
I lost all joy of being with her and I didn't want to model a bad marriage for my son. I


And that speaks volumes!

Losing the Joy....that happens to all of us who've experienced that pleasurable feeling with someone (s) throughout life.

We can and do grow apart and/or out grow one another: friends, lovers, partners, spouses.

So when it 'great opportunity' presents itself, certainly cash in..but know ALL the unseen angles before you leap.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
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N14AZ
Posts: 4070
Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:19 pm

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Mon Jan 20, 2020 4:02 pm

CaptHadley wrote:
Was in a marriage that was basically roommates who occasionally had sex. Didn't wan't to leave due to what she brought income wise and her insurance. Met a co-worker, she was also married and in the same situation. We had the same taste in music, movies, work, etc. We both made each other laugh. We commuted together 5 days a week. Started the affair and it lasted 10 years until she was transferred.

Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. So you had an affair for ten years and didn’t get caught? That’s no mean feat. Another alternative is that she knew but didn’t even care... :-/
 
BN747
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Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 5:48 am

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Mon Jan 20, 2020 6:51 pm

N14AZ wrote:
CaptHadley wrote:
Was in a marriage that was basically roommates who occasionally had sex. Didn't wan't to leave due to what she brought income wise and her insurance. Met a co-worker, she was also married and in the same situation. We had the same taste in music, movies, work, etc. We both made each other laugh. We commuted together 5 days a week. Started the affair and it lasted 10 years until she was transferred.

Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. So you had an affair for ten years and didn’t get caught? That’s no mean feat. Another alternative is that she knew but didn’t even care... :-/


If she is a puritan, Amish, Sister-wife and such, she won't suspect a thing, However there are some wiser females who 'know' the minds of men and simply look the other way.

Outside of that, if there is any creeping around in a relationship, it will most likely be the male and the female will detect it looonnnngggg before the male even starts to wonder if...a woman's intuition is largely based on pure focus of detailed behavior.

So maybe she did maybe not. She gave him zero grief..therefore, any problem areas resides in her court. Not his.

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
Jetty
Posts: 1163
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2015 12:27 pm

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Mon Jan 20, 2020 7:50 pm

I would forget about the married woman and become a sologamist!
 
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N14AZ
Posts: 4070
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:20 am

BN747 wrote:
Outside of that, if there is any creeping around in a relationship, it will most likely be the male and the female will detect it looonnnngggg before the male even starts to wonder if...a woman's intuition is largely based on pure focus of detailed behavior.

True. I am big fan of female intuition. It really works. Also, women know how to hide an affair. Men seem to be less clever (... see also next point ..).

Jouhou wrote:
I really don't think there's an equivalent way for men to modulate their hormones without taking them down too much causing them to lose their benefits of being men (physical strength especially) or developing embarrassing feminine characteristics (like gynecomastia).

Just know that feeling uncontrollable desire for "off-limits" people is driven by hormones (causing you to act on instinct rather than rational thought) and diverting your attention away from it is a matter of allowing your rational thought overpower your instinct.

The pharmaceutical industry should really see a possible market for helping men modulate their hormones without crippling them for those who have libidos getting them into trouble (like you're indicating here), distracting them when they want to focus on their career, or making them feel intensely lone.

I am convinced that men in general suffer from these prehistoric genes we are carrying in ourselves. Due to these genes we have this fundamental desire to spread our DNA on as many females as possible (just watch the apes in the zoo). Modern men have to control these prehistoric notions. Unfortunately some of us cannot. I also think that science should develop „something“. It’s just unacceptable that so many women get rapped and even killed every day in the year 2020.
 
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N14AZ
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:22 am

BN747 wrote:
Outside of that, if there is any creeping around in a relationship, it will most likely be the male and the female will detect it looonnnngggg before the male even starts to wonder if...a woman's intuition is largely based on pure focus of detailed behavior.

True. I am big fan of female intuition. It really works. Also, women know how to hide an affair. Men seem to be less clever (... see also next point ..).

Jouhou wrote:
I really don't think there's an equivalent way for men to modulate their hormones without taking them down too much causing them to lose their benefits of being men (physical strength especially) or developing embarrassing feminine characteristics (like gynecomastia).

Just know that feeling uncontrollable desire for "off-limits" people is driven by hormones (causing you to act on instinct rather than rational thought) and diverting your attention away from it is a matter of allowing your rational thought overpower your instinct.

The pharmaceutical industry should really see a possible market for helping men modulate their hormones without crippling them for those who have libidos getting them into trouble (like you're indicating here), distracting them when they want to focus on their career, or making them feel intensely lone.

I am convinced that men in general suffer from these prehistoric genes we are carrying in ourselves. Due to these genes we have this fundamental desire to spread our DNA on as many females as possible (just watch the apes in the zoo). Modern men have to control these prehistoric notions. Unfortunately some of us cannot. I also think that science should develop „something“. It’s just unacceptable that so many women get rapped and even killed every day in the year 2020.
 
TSS
Posts: 3518
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:14 pm

N14AZ wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
I really don't think there's an equivalent way for men to modulate their hormones without taking them down too much causing them to lose their benefits of being men (physical strength especially) or developing embarrassing feminine characteristics (like gynecomastia).

Just know that feeling uncontrollable desire for "off-limits" people is driven by hormones (causing you to act on instinct rather than rational thought) and diverting your attention away from it is a matter of allowing your rational thought overpower your instinct.

The pharmaceutical industry should really see a possible market for helping men modulate their hormones without crippling them for those who have libidos getting them into trouble (like you're indicating here), distracting them when they want to focus on their career, or making them feel intensely lone.


I am convinced that men in general suffer from these prehistoric genes we are carrying in ourselves. Due to these genes we have this fundamental desire to spread our DNA on as many females as possible (just watch the apes in the zoo). Modern men have to control these prehistoric notions. Unfortunately some of us cannot. I also think that science should develop „something“. It’s just unacceptable that so many women get rapped and even killed every day in the year 2020.


The two of you realize that what you're proposing, a pill to make men less unpleasantly man-like while not affecting their ability to lift heavy objects, earn money, and fulfill their "husbandly duties" on, and only on, demand without pesky side effects like growing breasts or severe depression is essentially a modern male-targeted version of the "female hysteria" cures that were in vogue around the dawn of the last century, right?
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
slider
Posts: 7512
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:42 pm

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Tue Jan 21, 2020 3:17 pm

Run like hell.

The sex may be great, but the emotional, mental and spiritual burden isn't worth it. And you shouldn't encourage someone else to step out. If she's unhappy, SHE alone needs to take whatever corrective action is needed.

Land mines abound here... I think many of us have seen it, it doesn't end well.
 
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Jouhou
Posts: 2371
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:31 pm

TSS wrote:
N14AZ wrote:
Jouhou wrote:
I really don't think there's an equivalent way for men to modulate their hormones without taking them down too much causing them to lose their benefits of being men (physical strength especially) or developing embarrassing feminine characteristics (like gynecomastia).

Just know that feeling uncontrollable desire for "off-limits" people is driven by hormones (causing you to act on instinct rather than rational thought) and diverting your attention away from it is a matter of allowing your rational thought overpower your instinct.

The pharmaceutical industry should really see a possible market for helping men modulate their hormones without crippling them for those who have libidos getting them into trouble (like you're indicating here), distracting them when they want to focus on their career, or making them feel intensely lone.


I am convinced that men in general suffer from these prehistoric genes we are carrying in ourselves. Due to these genes we have this fundamental desire to spread our DNA on as many females as possible (just watch the apes in the zoo). Modern men have to control these prehistoric notions. Unfortunately some of us cannot. I also think that science should develop „something“. It’s just unacceptable that so many women get rapped and even killed every day in the year 2020.


The two of you realize that what you're proposing, a pill to make men less unpleasantly man-like while not affecting their ability to lift heavy objects, earn money, and fulfill their "husbandly duties" on, and only on, demand without pesky side effects like growing breasts or severe depression is essentially a modern male-targeted version of the "female hysteria" cures that were in vogue around the dawn of the last century, right?


Or you know, birth control. Like what I was originally saying is unfair men don't have an equivalent to turn to.
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DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 2478
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Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Wed Jan 22, 2020 1:14 am

N14AZ wrote:
True. I am big fan of female intuition. It really works. Also, women know how to hide an affair. Men seem to be less clever (... see also next point ..).


I do not subscribe to this. Women are as smart as we are, but they have as many failings as we do, and most are fairly similar once you know what you are looking at.

If you would like to hide an affair from a woman, it can be done, and much easier than you realize.

OTOH, no, I do not believe they are inherently better at this either. That again depends more on an individual than anything else. When I was married, it was literally painful watching that attempted wife try to have an affair.

Women are many things, but this notion that they are magic is silly.


slider wrote:
Run like hell.

The sex may be great, but the emotional, mental and spiritual burden isn't worth it.


Why would he have to take on a burden?

I am also not convinced the sex would be any good. It is worth noting that after years the marriage version of sex, she will be accustomed to doing a mediocre job, while being credited for better. This is a double whammy that will not likely result in increased performance values.

Jouhou wrote:

Or you know, birth control. Like what I was originally saying is unfair men don't have an equivalent to turn to.


Indeed. This would be a good option to have.

BN747 wrote:
Outside of that, if there is any creeping around in a relationship, it will most likely be the male and the female will detect it looonnnngggg before the male even starts to wonder if...a woman's intuition is largely based on pure focus of detailed behavior.

BN747


Only if you give her an awful lot, awful quickly, to focus on.
"Ya Can't Win, Rocky! There's no Oxygen on Mars!"
"Yeah? That means there's no Oxygen for him Neither..."
 
BN747
Posts: 7356
Joined: Thu Mar 28, 2002 5:48 am

Re: Having feelings for a married woman

Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:55 am

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
[BN747


Only if you give her an awful lot, awful quickly, to focus on.[/quote]

oh my friend, you have no idea how clueless 1st and 5 time newbie cheaters can be. They'll forget to rid of the most simplest of trace evidence.

First off, as soon as you hug a woman other than your S.O....the scent of her perfume is now all over you - and your S.O, will lock on to that a mile away.

Just be ready with 'Oh I saw Jane at Starbucks (and make sure Jane wears that perfume becuz she will investigate!).

BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson

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