Moderators: richierich, ua900, PanAm_DC10, hOMSaR

 
User avatar
readytotaxi
Topic Author
Posts: 8271
Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:09 am

Menopause, need some help

Mon Nov 08, 2021 11:02 pm

My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.
 
SL1200MK2
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:00 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Mon Nov 08, 2021 11:16 pm

Perhaps they can ask their doctor or maybe try out google?
 
User avatar
Aaron747
Posts: 16812
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2003 2:07 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Mon Nov 08, 2021 11:51 pm

readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Joint counseling would be great - that way both he and she can understand what the other is experiencing.
 
User avatar
stl07
Posts: 3067
Joined: Mon May 01, 2017 8:57 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 12:43 am

One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.
 
Natflyer
Posts: 679
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:29 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 1:16 am

readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Asking for a friend eh? :?
 
Natflyer
Posts: 679
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:29 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 1:18 am

stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


Yeah, good luck with that…
 
User avatar
Aaron747
Posts: 16812
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2003 2:07 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 1:22 am

stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


That requires a level of compartmentalization not all are capable of, regardless of gender.
 
User avatar
stl07
Posts: 3067
Joined: Mon May 01, 2017 8:57 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 2:42 am

Natflyer wrote:
stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


Yeah, good luck with that…

The day I learned that, my life improved in ways I never thought it could
 
User avatar
readytotaxi
Topic Author
Posts: 8271
Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:09 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 9:46 am

Natflyer wrote:
readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Asking for a friend eh? :?

Yep, I am one of those who joined a Library rather than buy the book.
 
User avatar
readytotaxi
Topic Author
Posts: 8271
Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:09 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 9:48 am

Aaron747 wrote:
readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Joint counseling would be great - that way both he and she can understand what the other is experiencing.

I think that would be good for them, will suggest that.
 
flipdewaf
Posts: 4328
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2006 6:28 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 10:54 am

Neither your friend or his wife are the cause of what is happening but both are affected. I would say the way to cope is first to be open and honest to one another about what is/will/could happen.

Having gone through some serious postnatal depression with my wife some years ago (now fully managed). There are some things I learned including:
Don’t try to deal with a situation in the heat of the moment, it’s tempting to logic it put with someone. If logic worked for that person in that moment they wouldn’t be there. It’s much more difficult, especially if you don’t like confrontation, but more affective to broach the subject when things have dies down. Again an open and honest conversation.

Understand the threats, both long term to yours and your families health and the threats that may trigger issues.

Speak to a professional, but together.

If she feels vulnerable, even if in that moment you hate her, remember you love her and comfort her.

Speak to your employer. Let them know what is happening and that things may require immediate attention or you may need support.

I recently started feeling signs of depression and in particular anger and frustration, I spoke to my work and they helped me and I have enrolled in a mindfulness class and it appears to be working wonders for both my mood and my productivity!

In essence: speak to people about it, the most important being the significant other.

Fred
 
avier
Posts: 1330
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 12:38 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 3:48 pm

He can maybe ask her to go to her parents place, till she's done with it. Might take years I know.
Or he can look to spend time away from home, travelling or visiting his parents place, anything to keep away from that.
 
User avatar
Tugger
Posts: 11580
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2006 8:38 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Tue Nov 09, 2021 4:33 pm

readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.

Paging DocLighting! Paging DocLighting!

"Not best equipped to deal with as a guy" has little to do with it as no, as a guy he does not experience it directly but he is fully there with his wife as she experiences it. Is the issue that he is "a guy's guy" one who can't handle or accept female issues? Someone who can't (couldn't - past tense now really) buy his wife pads or tampons when needed? That is a separate problem if that is the case and he just needs some counseling to get over it, learn how to handle his fear and phobia.

Otherwise he can only really be supportive and encourage her to go see her doctor if the mood swings are too much. It is not easy and it does depend on the woman and she must be willing to hear that something needs to be addressed. It is mostly all on his wife really.

There are lots of options available to women, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) being the most common. Medication (separately from hormones), therapy, groups consisting of other women going through the same thing, there are options that she can seek and will help her and their relationship.

If SHE is not able or willing to get professional assistance, or even hear there is a problem that is affecting the relationship and marriage, then that is a big problem. Counseling can help him possibly deal with the situation but it can't solve the problem of a partner unwilling to care for themselves or their affect on those close to them. A last option might be just letting her be and spending more time apart, him going out and finding fun things to do to keep him whole during this etc. But I don't think it is a great solution as menopause can last many years so they may just drift apart.

Tugg
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 3042
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 12:39 am

readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.


stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.



:checkmark:

Base not your happiness on the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away...


Aaron747 wrote:
stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


That requires a level of compartmentalization not all are capable of, regardless of gender.


That was always easy for me, as I am severely emotionally lazy. But I also feel that that is a habit that can be built without too much fuss.
 
wingman
Posts: 4214
Joined: Thu May 27, 1999 4:25 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 3:18 am

Tell your friend to check out Diego’s Doctor Visit on You Tube. First off, he’s not alone in the travails of dealing with his wife and one can always take comfort knowing that others share in the pain. Diego has his own way of managing a stressful relationship and I’ve adopted many of his strategies with excellent results. Well worth the time.
 
cskok8
Posts: 128
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 3:37 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 4:16 am

DarkSnowyNight wrote:

Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.



A D-check should sort her out
 
User avatar
fr8mech
Posts: 8426
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:00 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 6:10 am

25 years of marriage have taught me one thing, unless a woman asks you, explicitly to fix something or provide advice, all she wants is somebody to vent to...someone to listen to her and support her.

Until her body's chemistry establishes the new normal, your buddy needs to be patient and be there...except when she doesn't want him there.

I assume there is a certain percentage of women who truly need medical/psychological support to get through this time. That's something your buddy's wife needs to decide for herself, with help from her doctor and the support of your buddy.
 
Redd
Posts: 1427
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2013 3:40 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 8:20 am

Had this conversation with a few women who've gone through it in my running group, they said physical exercise, especially intense cardio made menopause very light for them. Without getting into too much detail.

But good luck telling a woman who's going through strong menopausal symptoms to lace up her running shoes and go for a run, if it's not something she does already. I wouldn't want to be that husband.
 
meecrob
Posts: 365
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2016 6:15 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 6:21 pm

stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


This is the exact wrong advice. The wife in this scenario is going through a point in her life where she needs support.

It sounds like you initially placed undue importance on what women think of you, and figured out that was the wrong path later on. Well most of us never went down that path, so its weird to hear you say, as advice, basically "screw her, make yourself happy." That is exactly how you end up old and alone. The real advice here is give her the support she needs, and once her hormones calm down, she will be thankful you weren't a jerk and probably reward you. Like I get the guy in this scenario is probably similar to Hank Hill in that he is not at all comfortable dealing with these emotions, but really what are you gonna do? Divorce? Let's just rip down a marriage cuz she is bitchy and he is awkward for a brief period of time? Everyone suggesting counselling I think is on the right path. It will probably take some convincing of the guy to attend, but tell him that the counsellor will fill in when it gets awkward so he doesn't have to do all the heavy lifting himself. Its not gonna be a walk in the park, but it will be over soon enough.
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 3042
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 10:47 pm

meecrob wrote:
Let's just rip down a marriage cuz she is bitchy and he is awkward for a brief period of time? ... Its not gonna be a walk in the park, but it will be over soon enough.


Why do you suppose it would be a brief period of time? More often than not, those changes are permanent.

But even if it were only brief, if they are severe enough, yes those mood swings would absolutely be a good cause for divorce. These things are not excused for brevity or externals. Put the shoe on the other foot and see how acceptable that would be. I would wager not very.
 
User avatar
Tugger
Posts: 11580
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2006 8:38 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Wed Nov 10, 2021 10:58 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
meecrob wrote:
Let's just rip down a marriage cuz she is bitchy and he is awkward for a brief period of time? ... Its not gonna be a walk in the park, but it will be over soon enough.


Why do you suppose it would be a brief period of time? More often than not, those changes are permanent.

But even if it were only brief, if they are severe enough, yes those mood swings would absolutely be a good cause for divorce. These things are not excused for brevity or externals. Put the shoe on the other foot and see how acceptable that would be. I would wager not very.

Curious why you think menopausal mood swings would be permanent?

And there are TONS of "good reasons for divorce" in any marriage. The whole thing about marriage is you are swearing to put up with someone, tie yourself and your life to your spouse. It is a choice. Otherwise just don't get married. They say "space is hard" marriage is just as hard if not more so.

As to the shoes on the other foot? My wife puts up with TONS on my crap. Has for decades... and I hers. And strangely we are still happily married. (I even made it through menopause!)

Tugg
 
User avatar
scbriml
Posts: 20322
Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2003 10:37 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Thu Nov 11, 2021 10:57 am

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.


It never fails. Is it a write-off?

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
Why do you suppose it would be a brief period of time? More often than not, those changes are permanent.


Just curious, but how many women have you partnered through menopause?
 
meecrob
Posts: 365
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2016 6:15 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Fri Nov 12, 2021 10:33 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
meecrob wrote:
Let's just rip down a marriage cuz she is bitchy and he is awkward for a brief period of time? ... Its not gonna be a walk in the park, but it will be over soon enough.


Why do you suppose it would be a brief period of time? More often than not, those changes are permanent.

But even if it were only brief, if they are severe enough, yes those mood swings would absolutely be a good cause for divorce. These things are not excused for brevity or externals. Put the shoe on the other foot and see how acceptable that would be. I would wager not very.


This is a woman with feelings, who presumably has done right by this guy their whole relationship. You sound like the kind of guy who would ditch a woman if she got a spinal injury or something. "Eh, she's crampin' my style!" That's not what love is, man. So lets say menopause changes her personality. What is this guy gonna do? Hit the singles bars? Just to find ANOTHER woman who is going through menopause? All you macho "I don't let women dictate my life" people never have an answer after "just ditch her".
 
User avatar
DarkSnowyNight
Posts: 3042
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:59 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Sat Nov 13, 2021 3:58 am

meecrob wrote:
You sound like the kind of guy who would ditch a woman if she got a spinal injury or something.


I sound like that sort of guy because I am that kind of guy.

But I also the sort who would ditch a woman if I got a spinal injury too. That is not the me I was when we met, and she did not sign up for that.


meecrob wrote:
What is this guy gonna do? Hit the singles bars? Just to find ANOTHER woman who is going through menopause?


Why would he have to do that? When I got divorced, I replaced my wife with nothing at all. Being single for extended periods is nothing to be afraid of, especially if it is the decision you made.


meecrob wrote:
All you macho "I don't let women dictate my life" people never have an answer after "just ditch her".


That has nothing to do with being single. I also do not let women tell what to do when I am in a ... situation. And conversely, I do not tell them how to do things either.

I do not see how it is when someone changes to the point of being a fundamentally different person their partner is somehow obligated to stick around. If they want to? Sure. But they should never face any pressure to do so.

scbriml wrote:
DarkSnowyNight wrote:
Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.


It never fails. Is it a write-off?


For sure. Or at least a 120 day deferral. One of those, no doubt...


scbriml wrote:
Just curious, but how many women have you partnered through menopause?


As few as possible! But I have known a bunch. It does not change everybody, but it seems to happen enough to validate caution. YMMV...


Tugger wrote:
Curious why you think menopausal mood swings would be permanent?


They are not always. But I have seen enough to believe that it is more common than not.

Tugger wrote:
And there are TONS of "good reasons for divorce" in any marriage.


And how! The more closely one examines what a marriage is, the more obvious it becomes that it is really not for everyone. Not even for most people I would wager.

Tugger wrote:
The whole thing about marriage is you are swearing to put up with someone, tie yourself and your life to your spouse. It is a choice. Otherwise just don't get married. They say "space is hard" marriage is just as hard if not more so.


Yeah. I am a fan of doing it right if you are going to do anything at all. I just think marriage asks a lot more out of people than is reasonable, considering the advantages are not dramatic when juxtaposed with being single, or in my case, a free agent.
 
Newark727
Posts: 2693
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:42 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Sat Nov 13, 2021 4:28 am

cskok8 wrote:
DarkSnowyNight wrote:

Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.



A D-check should sort her out


There's a joke about hours and cycles in here somewhere that I'm too scared to make.
 
User avatar
seb146
Posts: 24174
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 1999 7:19 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Sat Nov 13, 2021 5:56 am

SL1200MK2 wrote:
Perhaps they can ask their doctor or maybe try out google?


Because nothing bad ever happened googling your symptoms....

I only ever knew my mom going through menopause. All I ever did is treat her as a person. I always thought before I opened my mouth. Sometimes, I did not say anything. I helped a little more. I feel this made me a better person. Sympathy. Empathy.

Luckily, my mom was a nurse and many in the family are in health care, so I took cues from them, but still....
 
usflyer msp
Posts: 4392
Joined: Tue May 23, 2000 11:50 am

Re: Menopause, need some help

Sat Nov 13, 2021 2:48 pm

Put the menopause song on repeat and she will either go crazy or calm down - won't be sure until it actually occurs.

https://youtu.be/34QVPwRLRKU
 
meecrob
Posts: 365
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2016 6:15 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Sun Nov 14, 2021 6:08 pm

[quote="DarkSnowyNight"[/quote]
Ok, look I think I get what you mean, I wanna say I am not judging your way of life. I just did not pick up on anything in the OP that screamed "She is crazy, get the fuck out!" Menopause is something I have not dealt with, but its supposed to be a kind of "super period." Every time I've put up with a woman's shitty hormones, you get something back, cuz they know they have been shitty. Guys do it too, I'm sure. Obviously there is a question of "where do you draw the line?" and I think if this dude has had a decent marriage up to this point, its worth at least fucking trying to see if she calms down. He can always bail later...

Edit: Also you said that the hormones are permanent...yes...the ones after menopause are permanent. The ones during menopause are something different. Or do you think every married male over 65 is a total bitch...wait no, you probably think that.
 
11C
Posts: 345
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2019 2:25 pm

Re: Menopause, need some help

Mon Nov 15, 2021 6:33 pm

DarkSnowyNight wrote:
readytotaxi wrote:
My best friends wife has started and he is not best equipped to deal with as a guy. He says that the moods swings are bad and not sure what to do. He is looking for
help but understands little about the problem. Any suggestions welcome.


Step one: Be sure to gain the counsel of a bunch of airplane nerds. If we do not know how to fix this, surely no one does.


stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.



:checkmark:

Base not your happiness on the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away...


Aaron747 wrote:
stl07 wrote:
One thing that everyman man needs to realize is that his happiness should not be controlled by that of his wife or gf, no matter the age.


That requires a level of compartmentalization not all are capable of, regardless of gender.


That was always easy for me, as I am severely emotionally lazy. But I also feel that that is a habit that can be built without too much fuss.


This is the best advice, thus far…
Now, can we cue up the guy with five job offers who wants a.net to tell him which job to accept?

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot], LCDFlight, MohawkWeekend, STT757, VolvoBus and 18 guests

Popular Searches On Airliners.net

Top Photos of Last:   24 Hours  •  48 Hours  •  7 Days  •  30 Days  •  180 Days  •  365 Days  •  All Time

Military Aircraft Every type from fighters to helicopters from air forces around the globe

Classic Airliners Props and jets from the good old days

Flight Decks Views from inside the cockpit

Aircraft Cabins Passenger cabin shots showing seat arrangements as well as cargo aircraft interior

Cargo Aircraft Pictures of great freighter aircraft

Government Aircraft Aircraft flying government officials

Helicopters Our large helicopter section. Both military and civil versions

Blimps / Airships Everything from the Goodyear blimp to the Zeppelin

Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos