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Topic Author
Posts: 6633
Joined: Tue May 18, 1999 11:10 am

Airplane Humor

Sat Dec 05, 1998 5:05 pm

Heres some airplane humor.

You might be a kamikazi if: confuse combat radius and absolute range., before you take off, arm your aircraft.

...your autopilot only works in an eighty-degree dive.

You might be a bad kamikazi if: have a fifty-mission crush in your hat. ask for a return heading.

Q. What is three letters long, and goes 'squak'?

The A-10, the only plane I know that goes past its
maximum speed, and still takes bird strikes to the aft.
1. (Say in a pissed British accent and slouch over at a bar)
The toughest part of shooting down a tank is getting it in
the air.

2. An A-10 under a tarp is reminicent of an old, fat man
walking around Central park in a trench coat.
The B-36 is known as the plane that never dropped a bomb
in combat, though, it did destroy one "target". A toilet in a
public school's restroom. It was towing a test instrument
behind it, and naturally, it snapped. The instrument
crashed throught roof and into a stall, turning the toilet
into porceline(?) shards.

Well, if you hear the drone of a B-36, run.
Back in the seventies the PZL factory in Poland built the
M-15, a turbofan powered biplane (true!) of decidedly
excentric appearance for agricultural spraying purposes.
Since jet engines are not exactly famous for being efficient
at 100 m. p. h. and zero altitude this occasioned some
surprise. However somebody suggested that the high fuel
consumption was compensated because no spraying
chemicals were necessary since the bugs laughed
themselves to death when they saw the aircraft...
The Su-25 is a very versitile aircraft; it can be fueled by
JP-4, Diesel, and Vodka.
Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Airline Pilot (courtesy
David Letterman, Sept. 8, 1993):

10. You overhear him say on the intercom, "Hey Pedro,
what's this gizmo do?"

9. For the past two hours you've been going straight up.

8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet."

7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap.

6. When you take off he yells, "Wheeeeee!"

5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go
find that Mars Observer!" [Clarification: That's the one that
lost radio contact with Houston, and, well, you know....]

4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform.

3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks,
heh, heh, heh."

2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the
same guy who drove your cab to the airport.

And (gratuitous drum roll) the Number One sign that you
have a bad airline pilot: He keeps referring to the control
tower as "Mommy."
Man this thing is dirty, get me a gallon of prop wash.

RE: Airplane Humor

Sat Dec 05, 1998 5:19 pm

I thought 40ft was the proper IFR altitude? hehe!
Good ones Flyf15!

RE: Airplane Humor

Sat Dec 05, 1998 7:03 pm

On approach to the ILS, the rain was pelting the cockpit.
The Capt. was known as a tough guy who wanted things done his way and NOW!!!
The first officer who shook at his every command was nervous.
Coming down the chute the Capt. realizes that they have to go missed. The Capt. orders with his forcefull voice: "Takeoff power"
The first officer winces and takes off power.
Right down to idle thrust. lol

RE: Airplane Humor

Sat Dec 05, 1998 7:10 pm

The Citation has never been known for its speed and has been the butt of many jokes.
Its often been called the Slowtation
the Crustation
the mutation
It also takes bird strikes up the tail pipes
Posts: 956
Joined: Tue May 18, 1999 2:59 am

RE: Airplane Humor

Sun Dec 06, 1998 5:14 am

Citation jokes no more!

I think all the jokes over the years must have pissed off the Cessna designers so much that they decided to crank the Citation X up to Mach .092 and really turn everybody red.
Posts: 449
Joined: Sat May 22, 1999 11:46 am

RE: Airplane Humor

Sun Dec 06, 1998 7:43 am

My dad used to have a Citation. They may be very slow but they are good old jets!!
See ya,

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 7:55 am

Sorry guys. I have nothing against the Citation.
Just some humor. :)
David L
Posts: 8551
Joined: Tue May 18, 1999 2:26 am

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 8:24 am

And I was about to ask if the Citation was the civil version of the
A-10A. Lucky I didn't. :)
Topic Author
Posts: 6633
Joined: Tue May 18, 1999 11:10 am

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 8:50 am

No, the A-10 is a close support/attack plane, the Citation is a biz jet.
David L
Posts: 8551
Joined: Tue May 18, 1999 2:26 am

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 9:33 am

No, really?! :)

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 1:25 pm

I hear that the airspeed indicator on the Citation was a calendar!!

RE: Citation

Sun Dec 06, 1998 8:41 pm

David my good buddy, you're too much. :)

RE: Airplane Humor

Sun Dec 06, 1998 8:44 pm

You have a point BryanG.
Now the 10 can blow em all away.

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