President's Day weekend, 1996 I leave work early to catch an afternoon DL flight AUS-SLC. I don't usually dress up to fly, but since I was coming from work, I was dressed up that day. Nice pants, dress shirt and tie and some snakeskin boots. I was smilin' and stylin'.
I get to the long-term parking lot and as I'm taking my bags out of the trunk, I notice the shuttle to the terminal was pulling away. I thought no big deal, I'll catch the next one.
Apparently someone on the bus, trying to be nice, told the driver to stop, because they must have seen me coming. Knowing all these people were waiting on me, I began to run. Unfortunately one bag was heavier than the other and I kind of got off balance and about halfway to the shuttle bus I fell down in the parking lot.
One bag flew off to the left the other bag flew off to the right and I went down HARD on my hands and knees. It HURT! I'm laying there in the parking lot and I look up and all these people with absolutely dead-pan expressions on their faces were all staring at me, like they were thinking "Heh - Dumb-ass!"
So I get up, get my bags, stagger like a drunkard the rest of the way to the shuttle and boarded. My boots were now all scraped to hell, and I had two giant holes in my pants, one on each knee.
Get to the terminal and there's a huge check in line at the DL counter. terminal. By the time I made it to the front of the line it was about 25 minutes prior to departure.
After checking my bags I asked where the first aid station was and was directed to the police station office. The ladies there gave me some of those antiseptic wipes, and I go to the restroom, drop my pants, and I'm trying to clean the blood and parking lot grease from my knees. I finish up, pull my pants back up, run out of the stall and take off down the concourse.
I make it onto the plane, which was completely packed, and we take off. All through the flight people kept giving me these funny looks. First it was the people sitting next to me, then anyone who walked down the aisle and passed my seat. Even the flight attendant gave me a weird look as she handed me my drink.
Three hours later, the captain makes an announcement that we're beginning our descent into SLC and as I reach down to fasten my seatbelt, I discover to my absolute horror that I'd been sitting there the whole time with my pants unzipped ALL THE WAY and my crotch gaping WIDE open. So much for smilin' and stylin'.
Oh well. At least I was wearing underwear.
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