Moderators: jsumali2, richierich, ua900, PanAm_DC10, hOMSaR

 
fflood
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2001 11:11 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 2:58 am

I was once sitting on the side of a runway at MIA watching the take-offs listening to the tower when I heard this conversation between a Learjet and the tower:

TOWER: Lear*** cleared for take-off

LEAR: Roger, here we go

LOOOOOOOOONG pause as the Lear takes off like a rocket, almost straight up (I never saw such a high angle of attack!)

Finally the TOWER comes back with: Hey, not a bad take-off!

LEAR'S RESPONSE: Yeah, not bad for ONE engine!
 
InnocuousFox
Posts: 2556
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2003 1:30 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:34 am

"(I never saw such a high angle of attack!)"

FYI, AoA is the difference between the direction it points and the direction of travel. What you saw was just a steep climb.
 
mandala499
Posts: 6600
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 8:47 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 5:54 am

RI080: Medan Approach, Mandala080, we seem to be picking up an ELT...
APPR: Mandala080, Standby... 080, Approach, it seems to be coming from your direction, do you see anything there?
RI080: Errr, negative Approach... but it's loud.
APPR: 080... Check yours then!
RI080: Standby... Ah, Sorry... it's ours!
----
FDX: Tower, FedEx 9519 ready for take off 25L
TWR: FedEx 9519, Cancel SID, when airborne turn right direct PLB climb to FL280.
FDX: Airborne direct PLB and cleared for take off 25L, 9519.
FDX: Tower, Fedex 9519 airborne, Yeeeeehaaaa!
TWR: FedEx9519, call departures and ask for direct Las Vegas, good day.
----
RavenFLT: Syarif Tower, RavenFlight, 3 aircraft, ready for taxi for 18 from Charlie.
TWR: RavenFlight, hold short runway 18 and give me your tail numbers please...
Raven1: Raven1, Lima Lima One Zero One One
Raven2: Raven2, Lima Lima One Zero One Five
Raven3: Raven3, Lima Lima One Zero One One
TWR: *In Indonesian* Raven3, check your tail number again unless you're the same as your flight leader...
Raven3: Sorry, Raven3, Lima Lima... errr, Leader, what's my tail number?

LOL These guys are my air force? They worry me sometimes.
-----
SQ: Approach, SingaporeCargo 9913, we're established on the localizer 25L and request a 360 right orbit back to the localizer, you guys put us 3000ft too high...
APR: Roger that, Singapore9913, make right circle and report back on the localizer...

SQ: Approach, 9913 is on the localizer 25L again.
APR: Singapore 9913, next time don't ask for a late descent, call tower 118.2
----

Mandala499
 
liamksa
Posts: 301
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 1:13 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 1:22 pm

From Australian Aviation:

"Traffic on one of the approach streams was compacting badly and Smiley issued a string of back-to-back speed reductions to an incoming heavy. After being told to slow to 150, the crew came back with "If you slow us down any more, we are going to stall and fall out of the sky!" Smiley replied, "Roger. Report leaving 5000"! "
 
brentspeed
Posts: 66
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 1999 1:51 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 2:48 pm

This from a solo flight training student whose native language was not English:

Tower: "Cessna xxxx, state your intentions"

Cessna: "To become airline pilot"
 
flyingbronco05
Posts: 3484
Joined: Fri May 10, 2002 11:43 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 2:54 pm

App: "1234 please expedite your decent through flight level one zero zero"

Airliner: "We are doing 2000 ft per minute already"

App: "Please increase your rate of decent"

Airliner: "Unable to increase rate"

App: "Don't you have speed brakes?"

Airliner; "Yes but they're for my cock-ups not yours!"


I don't get it. What's a cock-up?

FB05
 
7574EVER
Topic Author
Posts: 462
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2004 4:47 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 2:59 pm

If the controllers asking for the aircraft to expedite the descent, nine time out of ten the controller should have instructed a descent a little earlier and now he or she is trying to prevent two airplanes from becoming one.
 
C17Glbm
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:06 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:00 pm

"I don't get it. What's a cock-up?"

I guess it's some term for bringing up the spoilers. I had an instructor pilot who always told me to "cock up" the spoilers when we had to lose a little speed on approach.
 
7574EVER
Topic Author
Posts: 462
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2004 4:47 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:01 pm

OH! Your asking what IS a cock-up not what WAS the cock-up. Sorry, I misread the question. I'm guessing it's a screw-up.
 
brentspeed
Posts: 66
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 1999 1:51 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:01 pm

Cock up = mistake as far as I know.


Also I forgot that one time my student was trying to get a word in on ORL approach while getting vectors for an ILS and some guy who had a bad radio or couldn't hear kept trying to call for flight following, and ATC kept telling him squawk codes and instructions etc. At each break either another pilot or this guy would beat my student to the mic. Well I guess my student finally had enough and got his finger on the trigger fast enough, right after this VFR guy misunderstands ATC for the 5th time, but to my surprise, and my student's I think (judging by his face afterward) he blurts out "DAMN DUDE" over the radio.
 
C17Glbm
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:06 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:03 pm

I stand corrected. You can always cock up spoilers but in the case you named, it's definitely describing a srcrew-up or a "oops".
 
F9Fan
Posts: 531
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 2:42 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:37 pm

I heard this on a UA flight.

KC Center - "Navy XXX, what type of aircraft are you?"

F9Fan
 
gkirk
Posts: 23455
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 06, 2004 8:50 pm

Cock up = Big time screw up  Big grin
 
Varndell
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2003 9:23 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 3:32 am

Yes a "cock-up" in Britain is a big mistake!
 
Mir
Posts: 19491
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:55 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 10:33 am

Probably legend, but still:

Controller: Speedbird Concorde XXX, could you descend 18,000 feet in the next 20 miles?
Pilot: Oh, I daresay I could, old chap, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to bring the aeroplane with me....
 
ua777222
Posts: 2987
Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2003 11:23 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 1:13 pm

On a ual fight we had some really bad turbulence to where the capt. came over the PA and demanded that the pax all sit down and that the F/A sit! Because of all the turbulence it was a [email protected]#$ of UA flights.

UA***-"UA806 this is UA*** have you been able to send any messages to HQ(UAL head quarters)?"
UA806-"Uh yeah"
UA***-"UA806 can you send an update to HQ on behalf of UA***"
UA806-"Sure (in a voice that sounded like he had better things to do) send info when ready"
LONG POUSE

UA***-"We are UAL*** type Boeing 747-400 with ***LBS of fuel and ***pax and in about 20 min. We're going to be one less if this damn kid doesn't keep making the F/A call up and ask to get a "look in the cockpit"!"
UA806-"Roger that you are UAL*** type Boeing 747-400, ***lbs. and one less passenger, Ill pass it on when I can"

Doesnt sound as funny now but at the time you could just hear it in their voices they were all under stress and the UA806 was didn't understand the UA***'s issue.
 
Tiger119
Posts: 1622
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 1:52 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 1:55 pm

The controller working a busy traffic pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty for spacing.

The captain complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."



Tower:"Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"

Eastern 702;"Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower:"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern?"

Continental 635:"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger, and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
 
USAFHummer
Posts: 10261
Joined: Thu May 18, 2000 12:22 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 3:16 pm

This one might not be so funny to you guys but my instructor and I thought it was pretty funny...

We were returning from my long dual XC for my PPL, and on the last leg from University Park, PA to Wings Field, Blue Bell, PA in the PHL burbs and as we got back into the PHL area, the CTAF was pretty quiet so I made the following true transmission:

"Wings traffic, Cessna XXXX is 30 miles NW of the field, descending through 10,000, will be landing runway 24, Wings"

Greg
 
TWAMD-80
Posts: 962
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2001 8:25 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Wed Jan 07, 2004 5:11 pm

During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta". Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right."

Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am".

Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.

Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
 Laugh out loud

TW
 
garnetpalmetto
Posts: 5352
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2003 1:38 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Thu Jan 08, 2004 2:36 am

I heard this on a UA flight.

KC Center - "Navy XXX, what type of aircraft are you?"


Don't really see the humor here..a legit question for an ATC since the USN operates many different types of aircraft.
 
Delta777-XXX
Posts: 940
Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2000 3:50 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Fri Jan 09, 2004 6:45 am

Not the funniest thing in the world.... but I was talkin..

ATC: "N6348W, say type aircraft."
ME: "N6348W is type Boeing 747... errr... correction.. PA-28-140"


Hank  Big thumbs up
 
nudelhirsch
Posts: 1371
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 6:20 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Fri Jan 09, 2004 6:57 am

lol, Delta777...guess how the ATC would have looked, if a PA28 came in when he expected and cleared a 47...holy cow...
 
Buzz
Posts: 694
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 1999 11:44 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 12:37 am

Hi Everybody, Buzz here. I'm normally on the tech/ops forum. I recall several years ago (when the tower crew at PDX - Portland Oregon had to record their own ATIS information on tape) "adivise on initial contact you have.... Merry Christmas" (instead of 'information Alpha, Charlie, Juliet', etc)

And one line i enjoy using when somebody makes a mistake and quicky says "disregard"... I reply with "OK, disregarding!"

g'day

Buzz Fuselsausage: Line Mechanic by night, DC-3 Crew Chief by choice, taildragger pilot for fun.
 
Homeroid
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Jul 14, 2003 4:31 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 1:38 am

I was a new hire being trained on towing aircraft. My trainer was sitting on top of the tug monitoring my progress. It went something like this----

"Addison Ground, Tug 1 at Millionair, request clearance to taxiway V with a Citation in tow."

"Tug 1, hold short of A." (Stephanie, the local controller has been known to get compliments about her voice.)

While we are holding short I ask my trainer the various questions guys ask guys...You know, if she is hot, etc. He starts mentioning bust size, etc. Next thing we know, there is one of our co-workers running at full speed from the line shack yelling, "Your mike is stuck open!!!!!!" After fumbling for the mike, I ask sheepishly "And ground, sorry about that. Did you copy our last transmission?"

"Negative" was the response. WHEW!!!

Then "Addison Ground, Cessna 123 copied all, would you like a rundown?"

"Sure" she said.

"Cessna 123 taxi to 33 via A"...."On your return give me a call and you can give me the rundown over drinks! I'm buying."

Most likely she heard everything but was being nice.
 
LHSebi
Posts: 1007
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2004 4:24 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 2:21 am

hahaha, that's great! always nice to have someone like that as your controller  Big grin

Sebastian
 
SlamClick
Posts: 9576
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:09 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 3:00 am

Coast Approach (female controller ) once told my copilot: "I hear chimes when you transmit.'
He replied: "Women often tell me that."
Wish I was that quick.

Got a little smile going into LAX once. I was cleared for the visual to 24R. Air France 747 was about a mile ahead for 24L. As I lined up it looked to me like he was angling over in my direction. I said: "Hey tower it looks like Air France is lining up with my runway."

There was a pause with a "hmmmmm" on frequency. Then tower said "Yeah [my callsign] it looks like that to us too. Only we're not talking to him! So, tell you what . . . whichever runway he lands on you are cleared to land on the other." I hopped over his glidepath and landed on the left and beat him to the gate by ten minutes.

BTW the "wasn't I married to you/" and the "haff you checked the ovens mein herr?" anecdotes date back at least to 1977 when I first heard them.


 
ConcordeBoy
Posts: 16852
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2001 8:04 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 4:34 am

"New Orleans tower, this is the Virgin requesting an opening on runway one zero..."  Big thumbs up
 
Iberia340600
Posts: 758
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 5:57 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 5:57 am

This happened when I was working at JFK....company ground walkie talkie frequency. I was working ramp supervisor on one of our flights when one of my co-workers was out looking for last minute transit bags in one of our cars. He was kinda new....and called us up and said(mind you it was dark already)
--"Uh...guys...I think Im lost"
--"(name) what do you see around you"
--"Uh...I see a bunch of blue lights"
--"(name)!!!!! Get out of there...you are on the runway!!!!!!"
--"Oh s***!!!!"

To this day he has not lived that one down!
 
PKK
Posts: 180
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2003 3:03 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 6:34 am

Female (no offence) ATC apprentice in BLL. Maersk Air in the middle of switch from F-27 to F-50 on the domestic run from CPH, so u never knew if 27 or 50 was operating........ To fit the flight into the pattern, the following transmission:

BLL: DMxxx; are you a quick Fokker or a Slow Fokker?
DMxxx: Which ever you prefer BLL.......

(In accordance with the rules and regulations of the air waves in DK, the DMxxx crew was fined for the use of inappropriate language)

Same female apprentice in BLL. Again trying to fit a departing Sterling charter into the departure seq, with one runway and backtrack needed for a westerly departure:

BLL: NBxxx are you ready for a quickie?
NBxxx: Yeahhhhh.......

(In accordance with the rules and regulations of the air waves in DK, the NBxxx crew was fined for the use of inappropriate language)

Can't remember who, but a cargo DC 10 on approach from the west into BLL. Have to mention that the LEGOland park is located just to the right of the threshold of BLL's runway. They have a viewing tower with a rotating cabin going up and down.......

DC10: BLL tower, state your position
BLL tower: Say again....?
DC10: BLL tower, state your position on airfield.
BLL tower: East end south of runway......
DC10: Ohhhh..... then it's not you going up and down all the time!!!

Chuckle chuckle.........
Peter
 
tguman
Posts: 380
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2001 11:47 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 11:36 am

I wonder what a controller would like if someone radioed in "this is cessna 152 XXXX Heavy". That would be quite confusing I would think.

I have made some funny mistakes over the radio.
During training for my PPL i was doing solo circuits. After and hour i decided to call it quits and land. At the same time the two aircraft infront of me decided the same thing. So the second plane asked the first plane to wait at the end of the runway and they would backtrack together (no taxiways at this airport). I asked the first and second pilot to let me land and backtrack with them also. After I turned around the first plane to land calls his backtrack, then the second and then I come on the radio and say, "Steinbach South, Foxtrot, Juliet, Victor, leading backtracking crew." Every single instructor in an airplane and also on the ground in the building has made fun of me for that comment ever since that time. My instructor still make comments to me whenever i call my backtrack.

TGUman from Manitoba
 
baw2198
Posts: 587
Joined: Wed Dec 24, 2003 11:20 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 12:47 pm

Flew into STL for a cardinals game back in Sept. in a c172. Well, on our way out of STL twr decided to have a little bit of fun.

STL TWR: Cessna xxxxx Taxi into position Hold
Cessna xxx: roger position and holding
STL: Cessna xxx turn left heading xxx cleared for take off
Nxxxx: roger, here we go
STL: AAxxxx rwy 30R position and hold
AA: roger position and hold 30R AAxxxx
STL: AAxxx rwy 30R cleared for takeoff turn left heading xxx caution wake turbulence for departed last ( us in the cessna)

The american crew got a good laugh and so did we!!!
 
capt078
Posts: 415
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 9:52 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 2:22 pm

i had two interesting conversations recently:

-about six months ago was enjoying a nice leisurely hop from lantana, fl (lna) to ft. lauderdale executive (exe). exe is one of the nation's busiest general aviation airports and this day was no exception. passing through 1000feet on a 4 mile final in my 1969 172 (trucking along at about 95 knots), i was cleared to land with a challenger (jet) on long final behind me. about two minutes after turning final (now about 2 miles west of the field), the tower gets on and asks me to increase my speed. to this i respond that i really can't go much faster. the tower then says i'd better unless i want to be sitting on the nose of the challenger. reluctantly, i push it up a bit and respond "roger, i'll get out and push, see if i can't get her up to about 110 knots." shocked, the tower says "110, i was looking for 200." i then reminded him i was in a 172. he laughed and apologized, thought i was a citation, despite calling me "skyhawk xxxx" since first contact. once on the grown, i transfer over to ground control, and the man on ground called me speedy gonzalez. i thought it was cute.

-two weeks ago, i was flying back to lantana from stuart, needing to pass through palm beach's airspace. it was the day after christmas and a lot of planes (particularly private jets) were leaving sunny florida. i contacted palm beach approach, told them i was a mile off the shore at a thousand wanting to transition south to lantana. the controller was busy and told me turn circles to hold and to "stay clear of class charlie airspace". i obliged and about five or ten minutes later the controller gets on and asks what the hell i was doing. i told him, to which he responded, "oh yeah, i forgot to clear you, transition approved, sorry". a few seconds later a jetblue pilot gets on and asks if was dizzy. the controller thought that was pretty funny too.
 
tappan
Posts: 1478
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 1999 9:30 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sat Jan 10, 2004 2:32 pm

On a more seroius note. When the American Airlines plane landed at Logan in Boston with Richard Reid (the shoebomber) on board, a taxiing jet asked the tower : "What was that all about" referring to the F16's buzzing overhead on the escort. The tower said (NOT these exact words but close.... ) continue to taxi and mind your own business...
Mark Garfinkel
 
tristar2000
Posts: 259
Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2000 8:18 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:15 pm

I heard this one that happenned in Montreal shortly after the 2002 Salt Lake City figure skating scandal, a small plane contacted Dorval ground for a radio check:

Plane: Dorval ground, C-GXXX, requesting a radio check.

YUL ground: Clear, but a little weak, 4 out of 5

(There is a silence for a few seconds)

YUL ground: 2 out of 5 from the French judge.

 Smile/happy/getting dizzy
 
cancidas
Posts: 3985
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2003 7:34 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:31 pm

while taxiing at laguardia the crew of a us air flight departing for ft. lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a united 727.

the irate female ground controller lashed out at the us air crew, screaming: "us air 2771, where are you going? i told you to turn right onto charlie taxiway! you turned right on delta! stop right there. i know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between c’s and d's, but get it right!" continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "god, you’ve screwed everything up! it'll take forever to sort this out! you stay right there and don't move ‘till i tell you to! you can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and i want you to go exactly where i tell you, when i tell you, and how i tell you! you got that, us air 2771?"

"yes ma'am,” the humbled crew responded.

naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of us air 2771. nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, "wasn’t i married to you once?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.

the pilot of the 727 complained, "don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"

without missing a beat the controller replied, "roger, give me four thousand dollars’ worth."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a dc-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.

san jose tower: "american 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. if unable, take the guadalupe exit off highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a piper malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at kansas city.

kc approach: "malibu three-two charlie, you’re following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

three-two charlie: "we've got him. we'll follow him."

kc approach: "delta 105, your traffic to follow is a malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. do you have that traffic?"

delta 105 (in a thick southern drawl, after a long pause): "well... i’ve got something down there. can't quite tell if it's a malibu or a chevelle."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

unknown aircraft: "i'm fucking bored!"

ATC: "last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

unknown aircraft: "i said i was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tower: "eastern 702, contact departure on 124.7."

eastern 702: "tower, eastern 702 switching to departure. by the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

tower: "continental 635, cleared for takeoff. did you copy that report from eastern?"

continental 635: "continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; we copied eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the german air controllers at frankfurt airport are a short-tempered lot. they not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

so it was with some amusement that we (a pan am 747) listened to the following exchange between frankfurt ground control and a british airways 747, call sign "speedbird 206":

speedbird 206: "speedbird 206 clear of the active."

ground: "guten morgen. you vill taxi to your gate."

the big british airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

ground: "speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

speedbird 206: "stand by a moment, ground, i'm looking up our gate location now."

ground (with arrogant impatience): "speedbird 206, haff you never flown to frankfurt before?"

speedbird 206 (coolly): yes, i have, actually, in 1944. in another type of boeing, but just to drop something off. i didn't stop."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

o’hare approach: "united 329 heavy, your traffic is a fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

united 239: "approach, i've always wanted to say this... i've got that fokker in sight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a pan am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in munich overheard the following:

lufthansa (in german): ground, what is our start clearance time?"

ground (in english): "if you want an answer you must speak english."

lufthansa (in english): "i am a german, flying a german airplane, in germany. why must i speak english?"

unknown voice (in a beautiful british accent): "because you lost the bloody war!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a sr-71 was crossing the control-zone of london center. it seems that the controller didn't know the service ceiling of this aircraft:

USAF: radar, good day, sandy 67 request FL 600

ATC (amused): sir, if you can reach, you are cleared FL 600

USAF: sandy 67 is out of FL 800 descending FL 600.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in his book sled driver, sr-71 pilot brian shul writes, "i'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as walt and i were screaming across southern california 13 miles high. we were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered los angeles airspace. though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. i heard a cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed. "90 knots" center replied. moments later a twin beech required the same "120 knots" center answered. we weren’t' the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an f-18 smugly transmitted, 'ah, center, dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout'. there was a slight pause then the response, “525 on the ground dusty.” another silent pause. as i was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, i heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. it was at that precise moment i realized walt and i had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. center, aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?...there was a longer than normal pause. "aspen, i show 1742 knots." no further inquiries were heard on that frequency

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ginger 33: "paul, wanna do a fly-by of the tower?"

ginger 35: "we can get into trouble for that."

ginger 33: "wouldn't be the first time."

ginger 35: "ok, let's go."

ginger 33: "edwards tower, ginger 33 is flight of two, 18 miles out requesting option.

edwards tower: "ginger 33, traffic is a blackhawk helo on the south ramp. maintain visual separation and cleared for the option.

edwards tower: (two minutes later) "if i had known you two were going to do that i would have never cleared you! this isn't top gun son! when you land you two have an appointment with the installation commander.

ginger 33: (attempting to contain laughter) "roger, ginger 33."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



 
aviaar
Posts: 227
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2001 8:16 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:31 pm

This one came a couple of hours ago from now. On the tower frequency, as the plane was waiting for takeoff clearence, the pilot made a mistake and did not put the cabin mode on. So, instead of the passengers hearing

"This is the captain speaking...we've made our final checks and it looks like were next to takeoff, so just sit back and relax"

The ATC and anybody alse on the tower's frequency heard it. The best part is the tower responded with

"Sounds pretty good there. So are you ready to go?"

And the first officer responded

"He was practicing."

 
maiznblu_757
Posts: 4952
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2002 12:05 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 5:20 am

One I just heard.. LMAO.. So aircraft requested a right 260 near Palomar, CRQ, lol.. The tower asked him where he was in relation to the airport. The pilot said " Im almost right over my house". The tower was like "Ok, where is your house in relation to the airport". LOL.. What an idiot pilot.
 
xjramper
Posts: 2318
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2003 1:10 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 6:54 am

DUH is one of those airports that if you can land here you can land anywhere, type of runways. It is an uncontrolled airport, however we do have a unicom.

My instructor and I were up doing some manuvers in a C172 on a very windy day. AWOS was giving us wind @ 190 20kts gusting up to 35kts. As we were on our way back to the field a dakota was about 10 miles out requesting field information. Went something like this:

Dakota: "Suburban Unicom Dakota 1234, 5 miles out requesting field conditions"
Us: "Morning Dakota 1234, roger 10 miles out. Landing and departing rwy 27. Normal left hand pattern turns. Be advised of potential wind she--ar up here."
(At this point we were at pattern alt. and as my instructor was saying shear, we hit some and droped from 1500ft down to 1000ft).
Dakota: (laughs) "Its smooth air h-whoa...nevermind just hit the wind"
Us: (laugh) "Yeah, just follow us in. Suburban traffic, 7 sierra alfa entering downwind leg."

May not be that funny to some, but that was a fun ride in that day  Big thumbs up

XJR

 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:36 am

Some of these are really cracking me up. I'm posting this to get the entire forum back on the main page, so if you have more, please post.

Cheers!
 
XFSUgimpLB41X
Posts: 3961
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2000 1:18 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:47 am

We were deparing out of ATL one time... I was "captain" on a saratoga that we used for part 91 charter out of TLH at the time. For those of you that don't know...a saratoga isn't exactly the biggest plane....MGTOW of 3800 pounds, single engine turbo charged plane. Airline captains have chunks of corn in their terds bigger than that...

We taxied from the FBO all the way down to the south side and then hopped in line for 9L for departure. That had to be an amusing site in itself. 767, 737, MD-11, us, 767 and a string of other heavies..... So we finally got position and hold. Then I hear "Saratoga 32TE heavy, fly heading 180 at the middle marker, cleared for takeoff 9L, caution wake turbulence previously departed heavy jet."
I laugh, and respond "roger, 32TE heavy, cleared 9L, 180 up to 5000, appreciate it"

As we were climibing out, just before we were told to switch to departure, I hear "Delta 262 heavy, cleared for takeoff 9L, fly heading __, caution wake turbulence departing heavy saratoga"


If i wasnt laughing hard enough before that.. that about killed me.
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 11:10 am

The humor is in the mind of the beholder, but I will let you all decide for yourselves.

This took place during a solo flight training round with a student departing from ABI to a small strip in West Texas somewhere. As he left the ABI airspace, Ft. Worth Center got to have a little fun with the poor chap while he was traveling through some of our many MOA's in this neck of the woods.

Cessna 978: Ft. Worth Center, Cessna 978 with you 6'500 XX miles from XX VORTAC.

FTWC: Roger, Cessna 978, radar contact XX miles.....

(pause of about 5 minutes after FTWC contact)

FTWC: Uh, Cessna 978, bogies at your 1 o'clock, 11 miles, closing in at 563 kts.

Cessna 978: Uh, FTWC, didn't copy that...uh, what was that again?

(note: this is a PPL student on a SOLO XC)

FTWC: Cessna 978(with humor in his voice), bogies at your 1 o'clock, correction, make that 2 o'clock, 8 miles, closing in at 572 kts.

Cessna 978: Uh, sir, I'm just a student up here and I don't quite get what you're coming across with.(imagine this in the worst West Texas accent)

FTWC: Cessna 978, do you have paper towels on board?

Cessna 978: (extremely dumbfounded now) Uh, yes sir....uh, I believe we do.

FTWC: Roger that, why don't you grab those and put them on up with you in the seat and try to relax while taking a look at your 2 o'clock.

Cessna 978: Cessna 978, copy that, wilco.

At this time, two F/A-18D Hornets out of NAS Kingsville, I believe, came hurling at the 'massive' CE-150, with radar lock I'm sure, and then did a quick left bank towards the rear of the aircraft. The remaining dialogue is the humorous part!

FTWC: Cessna 978, did you make contact with the bogies at your 2 o'clock?

Cessna 978: Roger that, 978. (voice trembling)

FTWC: Cessna 978, check your pants on that one and contact ABI approach on 127.2.

Cessna 978: (now realizing the 'towel' comment) 978, roger that...good thing I got two rolls!
****************************************

It may be a little humbling to think about for a student solo x-c, but how funny this must have been for good old Ft. Worth Center!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

Cheers!
 
goboeing
Posts: 2583
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2000 5:31 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 11:17 am

"MGTOW of 3800 pounds, single engine turbo charged plane. Airline captains have chunks of corn in their terds bigger than that..."

HAHAHA!!! Thanks for lightening up my evening!

Nick
 
LFutia
Posts: 3159
Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 11:04 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 11:24 am

While listening to ORD Appr Live on Real One Player for the last 7 hours 15 minutes. there have been asks about the Packers game and a UA pilot asked if they won and the ORD Controller said no and the UA pilot's like good and then another pilot goes tsk.. Also another pilot says: "Hey Hey Hey".

Another controller tells a different pilot that he's a Bears fan and this is a good day and the pilot responds I'm a Dolphins fan.

Leo/ORD
 
miles_mechanic
Posts: 132
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2001 4:30 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 12, 2004 2:29 pm

Hi everyone, I have a couple to tell you that I heard.

The first one I was living out at Vancouver Canada, and I was at the international airport listening to all the heavy jets coming and going. Well this Cessna 172 was coming in from Boundary Bay airport, and the controller was trying to keep him in the sequence with all the jets, and the controller asked him " could you please keep your seep up for the traffic." The pilot of the 172 replied with " We are peddling as fast as we can."

Another good one that I heard was of a DC-9 captain, he had just finished talking to the ground controller and explaining that they were going to be delayed because of a late passenger, the controller understood. This was at night and there was just 1 other small plane doing touch and goes at the airport. The captain didn't want to tell the other passengers that they were waiting for a late passenger, so he got on the pa system to tell the passengers his story, "Ladies and Gentlemen I regret to inform you that our flight tonight is being delayed due to traffic congestion, and so we are just going to wait here at the terminal til we get clearance to depart", unfortunately he was still on the tower frequency, so the light plane doing circuits came on the air and said " well if I am in your way I can land and get out of your way?"

I thought that was very funny

Miles
 
sacflyer
Posts: 364
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2004 8:19 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Tue Jan 13, 2004 8:55 am

One night, I'm sitting out near MCAS Miramar scanning the tower freqs. The only thing happening was a Marine C-130 working with night vision goggles. The pilot asks the tower to kill the runway lights. The tower obliges and clears the plane to land straight in on 24R.

A few minutes later, one of the pilots calls the tower and in an semi-indignant tone asks the controller a second time to shut off the runway lights.

The controller replies, "Sir, the lights are off. The airport is at your 7 o'clock, 3 miles. If you'd like, you can make a left 180 to 060 and enter right traffic for 24R."

I guess the controller can't control the lights on La Jolla Village Drive.

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