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7574EVER
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Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 04, 2004 5:32 pm

First of all I'd just like to say hello to all of you. I just joined and this is my first post, however I have been reading the forums for a while. I'm from Chicago and a college/flight student and will be taking "the ride" for my commercial cert. within the next few weeks. Anyway enough about me, let's get to the topic. I saw a post recently about humorous cabin announcements. So, I would like to hear about some humorous radio transmission that you may have heard, be it first hand or ones you may have read.
Here's a few I've read:

-A small homebuilt aircraft was holding short for departure from an intersection waiting for the arrival of a 707 freighter. The 707 made a very rough landing and while turning off the runway, the pilot noticed the homebuilt. Perhaps trying to salvage his dignity and make himself feel better after making a crater in the runway, the pilot got on the radio and sarcastically said to the homebuilt, "Awe, what a cute little airplane did you make it yourself?" The homebuilt pilot simply responded, "Yes, actually I did, and if you make another landing like your last one I'll have enough parts to build another one."

-A Cessna 172RG is on final approach:
Tower: "Cessna 12345 be advised your gear is not down."
Cessna: "Tower, say again"
Tower: "Cessna 12345 YOUR GEAR IS NOT DOWN!"
Cessna: "Tower, say again, I got some damn horn going off!"
I'm guessing that one took place before the FAA required signoffs for complex aircraft.

-A new student pilot and his instructor were out on a military training flight. The student was becoming very disoriented and, not thinking, keyed the push to talk and said to his instructor, "Sir, I'm all F***** up!" ATC responded "The pilot shouting expletives, Identify yourself!" The student realized what he had done and froze. After moments of radio silence the instructor got on the radio and said, "I believe my student said he was ****** up not stupid."
 
VSGirl
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 04, 2004 7:11 pm

Best I have heard is

"Where is the runway", "were are we", "we have a cabin full of a** holes, we need to land asap"

There are all quotes from British airliners.

Kimberly.
 
bigphilnyc
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 04, 2004 8:04 pm

This past Xmas, a departing US Airways flight out of LGA siad to the tower "You have yourslef a happy holidays of your choice."

I thought it was cute.

Also heard a few weeks ago, when all the arrivign LGA traffic was reporting their windshear to the tower, the tower siad to one flight in a comical tone, "Would you like to contribute to the wonderful book of knowledge on the windshear?"

Not too funny, but I thought they were cute.
 
necigrad
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Sun Jan 04, 2004 11:29 pm

Thanksgiving day I heard that the KPHX ATIS ended with "Gobble, gobble".
 
FLAIRPORT
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:08 am

I guess FLL is by the book (or maybe it has to do with the fact that I can hear the planes, not tower! Also, I don't have my scanner on 24/7

That being said, the best I've heard was at 12:20am on New Years: "Good Morning, Happy New Year."
Must say, most flights were still saying good evening, very sharp crew!

 
mattbna
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:25 am


Best I ever heard was earlier in this football season...

Nashville (BNA) approach informed a Southwest flight:

"Southwest xxxx...I'm going to need you to deviate a little bit off course here and come back around for landing for me."

WN pilot: "Uhhhmmm.....Ok. Just out of curiosity, is there a problem with our approach?" (sounding rather confused)

ATC: "No, not really...but I've got a...heavy...so to speak, coming in on 31 and I need to get him on the ground..."

WN pilot: "Uhhhmmmmm...Ok. I guess that will work. What are we avoiding today?" (in a "whatever" kind of voice)

ATC: "This would be a B-52 that just did the fly-over at the football stadium for the National Anthem"

WN pilot: (drastic change in tone of voice) "OH! Not a problem, Sir! We'll be sure to get out of their way directly! Where exactly do you need me to go and how quickly do you need me to go there!?!?"

ATC: (laugh) "I figured that would get your attention..." (proceeds with new course)

WN pilot: "Anything I can do to avoid the mother of all wake turbulence!"


Matt

 
electraBob
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:49 am

This one happened quite a few years back when the major carrier into Detroit Metro was Republic Airlines. It was in the early spring when many senior citizens would leave their Florida winter homes and return up north for the spring and summer. The pilot is calling in on a company frequency.

"Hello Detroit, this is Republic 525, we are in range......you are not going to believe this......but we need 32 wheelchairs.....I say again, 32 wheelchairs...do we even have that many wheelchairs....and Detroit, I do not know where this aircraft is going next, but you had better hang the delayed sign out right now because it is going to take all afternoon to get all of these old-timers off this aircraft."

 
MYT332
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:52 am

Here are some quotes from O'Hare Tracon.

"Put your compass on 'E' and get out of my airspace."

"Don't anybody maintain anything."

"Climb like you're life depends on it ... because it does."

"If you want more room Captain, push your seat back."

"We were told Rwy 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate."
"Captain you got sixty miles to take it out...have a ball."

"Approach, what's our sequence?"
"Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're last."

"Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy...there'll be a United tri-jet between you and him."

"DAL1176, say speed."
"DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty."
"DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground."

"Request Runway 27 Right."
"Unable."
"Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
"Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right."

"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

"The first officer says he's got you in sight."
"Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand."

"Approach, what's the tower?"
"That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now."

"How far behind traffic are we?"
"Three miles."
"That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
"You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles."


-
Alex
 
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Pilawt
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:00 am

The Northridge Earthquake of January 1994 did major damage in the vicinity of Van Nuys Airport (VNY), California, and spawned major aftershocks for months thereafter. A couple of weeks after the initial quake, and immediately after a sharp M-4.1 jolt, this was heard on VNY's Ground Control frequency:

"Ahh, Ground, Saratoga three seven kilo would like to file a pilot report for moderate turbulence on the east taxiway ..."

-- Pilawt
 
MD11LuxuryLinr
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:08 am

I remember a US Airways A319 was on approach to PHL behind a UPS 747 a few months ago. The transmission with the tower went something like this:

A319: Good afternoon Philly tower, USAir ### is on final for 27 right."

Tower: "USAir ###, Philadelphia tower, good afternoon, runway 27 right clear to land. Caution wake turbulence you are about 5 behind a heavy 747.."

A319: (with a chuckling voice) "Ok, we'll TRY to hang in there and we're clear to land 27 right, USAir ###."
........

Around the same time. I was at PHL airport watching the movements and this scenario unfolded:

A USAir 733 was cleared for takeoff and was just airborne off rwy 9L. At that time, the tower cleared a Dash 8 for takeoff rwy 35 and told him to turn right to a heading of 110.

The USAir pilot, very agitated, keyed his microphone and said to the tower "You just turned that guy right into us!".

The tower replied: "It's a Dash 8, sir, departing 35, you are no factor for him."

UsAir pilot: "Well, we don't consider that to be a safe operation."

Tower: "Roger sir. You are now through 1500 feet and the Dash isn't airborne yet. I think departure control would like to speak with you. Try to have a nice flight."

The USAir pilot didn't respond but went on his way.

Not too funny, but was good entertainment between departures..

 Big thumbs up
 
airmale
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:10 am

I read this at jetphotos.net, it was heard by a PIA pilot, a Qantas flight was going over Pakistani airspace, so the control tower at Lahore instructs it to proceed to a certain level, but since the pronunciation of the guy is not good he goes like "CuntAss *whatever flight no* proceed to......" and the QF pilot turns around and says to his colleague "First time I've been called a Cunt and an Ass together".
 
BMAbound
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:11 am

I already posted this one under another topic, but I'll do it again.  Big grin
This happened in FRA in the 70's to a 747 from BA.

TWR in Frankfurt: Speedbird 123 heavy, turn onto taxiway Alpha.

Speedbird 123: Sorry, don't know where it is, request progressive taxi, please.

TWR: Haven't you been here before??

Speedbird: Yeah I have, in 1944, but it was really dark and I was on my way back really fast!!

----------------

Another one is about the female controller that got really pissed with a pilot who did not follow the correct instructions.

ATC: Delta 123, I said taxiway Alpha, not the goddamn Bravo!!! Oh you worthless, goddamn, stupid a*s hole you better check your damn headset!!!

It was quiet for quite some time, and then another pilot came on.

"Miami ground, wasn't I married to you once?"


...johan...
 
delta-flyer
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:22 am

Another B-52 approach story ... don't know where it happened ....

B-52 to tower .... "declare emergency ... one engine out .... request immediate clearance to land"

Nearby aircraft ..... "uh-uh ... the dreaded 7 engine approach!"

Pete
 
sccutler
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:30 am

This, I heard while doing practice approaches at KTKI (McKinney, Texas), an airport blessed with very tolerant and professional controllers.

To set the stage, this yay-hoo had already made a rep for himself when he was approaching the field, by asking for vectors to the field (weather is clear, visibility a million), asking for the tower to call his base, and asking for "wind check" three times while on a lo-o-ong final (because he wanted someone to call his base, remember); winds were, maybe, 5 knots aligned with the runway...

Having now taken off after taxiing back, he keys up, and...

123D: "McKinney Tower, Cessna 123Delta."

Twr: "23Delta, McKinney Tower, say request."

123D: "Ummm, what's my heading?"

Twr: "23Delta, I show you approximately zero one hundred, do you have instrument failure"?

123D: "No Tower, I want to know what heading you want us to fly" [remember, this guy is leaving VFR from an airport not in Class B airspace]

Twr: "Well, 23Delta, where are you going"?

123D: "Oklahoma"

Twr: "23Delta, I'd advise North, try three six zero and wach for a big river; cross it, and that'll be Oklahoma"

123D: "Umm, thanks."

Twr: "Glad I could help."

----------

Glad to know that this feller was operating an aircraft in public airspace.
 
InnocuousFox
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:32 am

Here at OMA, a NW pilot was calling for his clearance to "Minnesomeplace".

When I was scanning from my hotel overlooking LAX (Sheraton Gateway), I heard south tower tell an aircraft "take first high-speed right and contact ground... and do me a favor... say hi to Lisa for me when you get there."
After he switched, "Ground XXX with you off of ##R going to gate xxx... and Lisa? Tower says 'Hi'." The funny part is that you KNOW that they were likely standing right next to each other!  Big grin

Had another one enroute while listening to Channel 9 on UA. It was late football season on a Saturday during a lull in transmissions when I heard:
"Center, XX###, request?"
"XX###, go ahead..."
"Notre Dame?"
"21-17"
"XX### roger."

On final to PHX (after they put in the new south parallel) we were asked to switch runways a couple of times because some moron holding in position didn't go when he was supposed to, then said he would, then didn't, then did anyway. So we are doing little slolam turns all the way down final one right after the other never quite lining up with either runway for a bit... finally our pilot said "Hey, this is kinda fun!"
 
5T6
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:57 am

I do a lot of ATC listening here in El Paso (both ELP and ABQ Center)...and with J2, J4 and J50 going right overhead we have just about every aircraft headed from DFW and points south/east that are headed to LAX or PHX chattering with the Center controllers (most of whom have a GREAT sense of humor). Just last week heard a Center controller polling the aircraft for their Mach numbers to get them neatly seperated for spacing into LAX. To paraphrase:

ABQCTR: "Southwest XXX say Mach number"

WNXXX: "Southwest XXX point 74"

ABQCTR: "Southwest XXX can you get it up to point 78 for spacing?"

WNXXX: "We're peddling as fast as we can...of course we could have the last few rows get out and push!"


The ABQCTR controller put an absolute belly laugh out over the air!! The WN 737 was then told to do the best he could.

Mike
 
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Pilawt
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:00 am

On Portland (Oregon) approach control:

"Alaska XXX, expect approach clearance in one-zero miles. Time to wake up the captain and return him to his full upright and locked position."
 
Santhosh
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:28 am

Once here in TRV with an Indian Airlines flight from Mali during approach

ICXXX:TRV_APP Request 13 DME arc approach to ILS 32
TRV_APP: ICXXX You are cleared for a 13 DME arc APP and intersept ILS 32
ICXXX: Roger

I dont know if this happened because he had a faulty instrument in his cockpit or the DME was not working well or it was an amature pilot behind the control.Anyway the path followed by the A320 during the approach was rather like an ovel and not an arc.

TRV_APP:ICXXX Sir are you doing and oval approach? It dosent seems to look like an arc.

But the pilot some how intersepted the LZZ at around 8 DME and made a successful landing at the end.

S.K.George
 
FLAIRPORT
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:39 am

The first officer says he's got you in sight."
"Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand."

"Approach, what's the tower?"
"That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now."

those 2 are the greatest!

5T6, how do you get center with voice on both ends?
 
InnocuousFox
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:58 am

"5T6, how do you get center with voice on both ends?"

You have to be close enough to the antenna so that curvature/ground clutter doesn't kill it.
 
aviationfreak
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:58 am

A few years ago the notorious Captain Flintstone had a confrontation with ATC and the airport authorities at GRQ and MST.
He got this nickname for keeping the radio occupied with screaming: YABADABBADOOOOOOOOO!!!! He also talked a lot of nonsense on the radio with a overacted French accent. He was grounded. Not for the bullshit on the radio but for reckless flying: shearing along the tower, flying to close to bigger a/c. This guy was not only a pilot but also an instructor. Can you believe it?
 
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KaiGywer
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:17 am

There is one about a Cessna Citation that kept calling Chicago TRACON for center.

TRACON: "Cessna 12345, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit calling you Twin Cessna"
 
Accidentally
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:34 am

A military C-5 Galaxy landed and cleared the active, it taxied by a Boeing 744 that was holding short of the runway. The Galaxy captain knowing how much larger his aircraft was keyed the mic and asked the 744 captain, "Hey little buddy, what's your gross?" Not to be out done the 744 captain keyed his mic and replied "A little over two hundred thousand dollars a year, how about you?"
 
5T6
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:39 am

Hi Flair...it's pretty much as Fox said. Here in El Paso, the transmitter facilities for ELP approach/departure and ABQ Center's south sectors are all located up on one of the area mountains. I can usually hear departing aircraft from the time they call up clearance delivery at ELP (although clearance and ground are sometimes a bit scratchy) all the way till they are handed off to either Fort Worth Center or the ABQ Center controller who's transmitter is over by Tucson....ah the wonders of living out in the desert!! Transiting aircraft pretty much the same thing. BTW...I have a discone antenna up on the roof, too. That helps.

Mike
 
FLAIRPORT
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:42 am

so it won't work with a standard scanner and from my house in florida. I can't even hear the controllers but can hear the landing planes fine!
 
InnocuousFox
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:45 am

Yeah... here in Omaha, I can't even hear the tower at OMA which is about 10 miles away from the house. However, I can hear aircraft enroute from well over 100 miles away!
 
ARCJET
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 5:04 am

I'm three miles from CHS and discovered when I first moved in the apartment that Jacksonville Center broadcast loud and clear on 133.625 and I hear both controller and pilot. It provides hours of entertainment especially when there is bad weather and airports start closing up and down the Atlantic coast.
 
Ant72LBA
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 5:46 am

probably an airline myth but quite funny all the same:

O'Hare approach to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..........I've got the little Fokker in sight."
 
suspen
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 5:48 am

Can't remember the exact wording of this one, heard it from another pilot:

"DFW approach KingAir XXX is at FL28000 inbound to land."
"Then you'd better fire your retro rockets, Buck Rogers"
 
tito
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 6:03 am

overheard by one of our crews in SJC this summer:

The airport was very congested with aircraft waiting to taxi for departure and the ground controller was giving everyone their sequence...
Ground: "Southwest 123 you'll follow the Alaska 737."
Southwest: "OK, which one will that be?"
Unknown: "It's the one with the United flight attendant painted on the tail."



Another overheard O'Hare exchange... (rather tasteless...)

A Lufthansa 747 was holding short of 32R and tower asks, "Lufthansa are you ready to go?"
Lufthansa (apparently having a discrepancy with the final passenger count): "Not yet ready, vee appear to be missing two passengers."
Unknown: "Did you check the ovens?"
 
UAL747
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 6:46 am

OMG! Tito, that last one was awful!!!! LOL!

UAL747
 
N743AS
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:04 am

Flying to SEA from BOS last spring I heard Air France come up on Freq and it was followed by someone making chicken sounds. It was pretty funny.


-743AS
 
Boeing Nut
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:12 am

From a recent Robb Report magazine. It involves the SR-71, but there was still civilian radio transmissons going on.

I don't have exact verbatim wording to this story, but it kinda goes like this.

Basically, some C-172 pilots were getting ground speed requests from a radar station somewhere off the Califonia coast.

"uh, cessna 123 requesting ground speed reading."

"roger cessna 123, I read your ground speed at 89 kts."

Meanwhile, an "F-18 driver" hears a few more "puddle jumper" ground speed requests and decides to put them in thier place. He/she says,

"this is F-18 seirra 1 requesting ground speed reading."

"roger F-18 sierra 1, I read your ground speed at 618 kts"

All the while, the crew of a speeding SR-71 hears this radio conversation going on, and, as they say in the article, "the situation was just to ripe". They make the following transmission.

"Uh yes, this is alfa 5 and we are requesting a ground speed reading please"

The ATC person recognizes the situation and replies back in a professional voice,

"roger alfa 5, I read your ground speed at 1,965 kts"

The radio was silent for the rest of the trip.  Laugh out loud





 
acidradio
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:24 am

Repeated from a post I saw on here a long time ago (hopefully I am quoting it properly):

A Lufthansa pilot in FRA calls the tower and makes a request in German. The tower replies to the pilot that he needs to call back and repeat his request in English. The Lufthansa pilot says "Look, I am a German, flying a German aircraft, for a German airline, in Germany! Why can't I speak German?"

In a crisp, cool British accent, an unknown pilot chimes in, "Because you lost the bloody war..."
 
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blackbird1
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:58 am

Pilot: FRA Ground, good morning, this is KLM 1234, request push back clearance.

FRA Ground: Good Morning, KLM 1234, you are number 25 for take-off, please stand by for push back clearance.

Pilot: In this case please cancel the good morning!

 
Tom in NO
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 9:43 am

I was working one night a few years back, and was visiting some friends on our control tower when an American DC-10 pilot requested a landing clearance (this map will help with the reference: http://www.naco.faa.gov/content/naco/online/airportdiagrams/00609AD.pdf, at the time runways 10/28 and 1/19 intersected):

American 404 heavy: "American 404 heavy is 8 miles out for landing, runway 10"

Tower: "American 404 heavy, cleared to land runway 10, hold short of runway 19"

American 404 heavy: "I'm not sure we can do that."

Tower: "American 404 heavy, can you hold short of the grass on the far side of runway 19?"

American 404 heavy: "Ummm, errrrr, I think we can do that".

Tom at MSY
 
KYIPpilot
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:01 am

A friend of mine said he once heard over Cleveland center frequency: "Yo yo yo Cleveland Center, this is lear ** keepin it real at FL330.
 
7574EVER
Topic Author
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:01 am

I just thought of another one. Doubt it's real but funny none the less.

Tower: "XXXX turn left zero-four-zero for noise abatement"
XXXX: "Uh, tower were at thirty-thousand feet"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 737 makes when it collides with a 747?"
 
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Pilawt
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:25 am

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able... If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

===========

Tower: "Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, position and hold behind the departing tri-jet. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, position and hold, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"
 
WindowSeat
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:41 pm


When I was training for my PPL, I came in to land on rwy 23 at MMU on a C-172. This was my first time after a few instructor demonstrated landings and pattern work. I didn't flare enough and we hit the runway pretty hard, bounced and settled down on the runway. The tower said,

Tower:"NXXX, that was pretty weak!"
My instructor thought that was pretty funny and laughed.
I said: "I know, and you'd think they would check that before they gave him a CFI"
This time, the tower laughed and my instructor made it a point not to be scheduled with me again.

cheers




 
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Pilawt
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:56 pm

When the original 737-100 first appeared, the airplane's stubby profile lent itself to a number of jokes. One day at Kansas City, a grizzled DC-8 captain awaiting departure watched a new 737-100 quickly rotate and climb steeply out. He pondered this for a moment, keyed his transmitter, and said, "Nice punt."
 
FedExDC-10
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:04 pm

One of my favorites happened with a WN flight coming into BNA.

Tower: "Southwest XXXX traffic now is a Cessna at your X o'clock, he's not talking to me."
WN: "Roger, we won't talk to him either."

FedExDC-10

[Edited 2004-01-05 05:05:44]
 
futureualpilot
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RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:21 pm

Heard this a few weeks ago on a very hazy but unusually quiet day:

ATC: "Cessna 1234, see that solid blue line on your chart?"

Cessna: "Roger, did we just make a no-no?"

ATC: "Yeah, expedite your descent and go sit in the corner when you are out of my bravo airspace"

Cessna: "Yes mother, Cessna 1234 descending now"

ATC: "Cessna 1234, in the holiday spirit and seeing how you didnt bust it too bad Im not gonna do anything about this except tell you to keep your head in the game next time"

Cessna: "I appriciate it very much sir, sorry about that...happy holidays"

ATC: "you too"







 
quetzalcoatl
Posts: 90
Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2003 8:47 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:00 pm

Heard this on MEX a few years ago, between an Iberia DC-10 and Mexico Tower. all conversations were in spanish, so I'll try to translate

Iberia: -Mexico Tower, Iberia 12345 has airport in sight turning to final to 05 right.

Tower: -Iberia 12345, clear to land runway 05 right
Iberia: -ok, clear to land 05 right...

several seconds passed

Tower: -Iberia 12345, can you switch to 05 left?
Iberia: -Iberia 12345, roger, going to 05 left
Tower: -Iberia 12345, clear to land on 05 left.

several seconds after

Tower: -Iberia 12345, sorry about this but, can you go back to 05 right?

Iberia (somewhat angry and in a heavy spanish accent)

- "Hombre, que esto no es una bicicleta!"- ("Man! This is not a bicycle")

Regards
 
Skibo777
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2003 8:03 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:27 pm

Actual transcripts from various agencies:

"Citation N***** if you can still hear me, traffic no factor."

"Man in the tower, this is man in the plane, Im ready to take off."
 
fritzi
Posts: 2598
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2001 2:34 am

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 7:38 pm

I remember reading this conversation between Sydney center and a SR71 pilot. Sydney center wasnt aware of the aircraft type.

Bravo 5 (sr71): Sydney center, this is Bravo 5, requesting FL600.

Syd Center: (gigling) Roger, If you think you can make FL600, then you are cleared to it.

Bravo 5: Roger, at FL800 decending to FL600

The ATC controller became pretty quiet after this.
 
Varndell
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2003 9:23 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 8:43 pm

I did not hear this myself but the transmissions between an inbound airliner and the approach controller went something like this.

App: "1234 please expedite your decent through flight level one zero zero"

Airliner: "We are doing 2000 ft per minute already"

App: "Please increase your rate of decent"

Airliner: "Unable to increase rate"

App: "Don't you have speed brakes?"

Airliner; "Yes but they're for my cock-ups not yours!"

John
 
suspen
Posts: 151
Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2003 11:01 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 9:23 pm

recently posted but I still like it, at a strip somewhere in New England...

"Cessna YYY entering downwind for... uh... I don't know, there are no numbers painted on the runway"
"Why not just look at your compass?"
"(pause) SHUT UP!!"
 
TexAussie
Posts: 142
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 5:26 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:17 pm

On a UA 777 (listening to the ATC on the IFE) from LAX to IAD somewhere over the Midwest at 35,000 feet a few years back...

"XX Center, United XX Heavy (my flight) needing a left turn to XX [heading]for weather"

"Negative UA XX maintain course"

"Well, we want to avoid this stuff. We got a pretty big build up [of storm clouds] ahead... looks pretty nasty!"

"WELL, let me assure you it won't be as nasty as that company 767 you'd smack into if you go left!"

Chuckling "OK, OK, I hear yah, how about clearing us up to 4-1-0?"

Controller proud of himself for his humor... "UA XX, you're clear to 41,000"

... and we smoothly flew over the weather without a single bump.




 
Varndell
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2003 9:23 pm

RE: Humorous Radio Transmissions

Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:58 pm

Conversation between BA 747 and New York:

NYC: "BA123 reduce speed to 250 knots."

BA123: "Negative we need to make up some time"

NYC: "BA123 turn right heading three six zero"

BA123: "BA123 turning right to head three six zero. How long will we be on this heading?"

NYC: "Until you reduce to 250 knots!"

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