I have used this in high school:
IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT . . .
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of
things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average
price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60
different prices
up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same
paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12
paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in
about 3
weeks. But
you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of
that week and
continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available.
We
sell only a
certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and
by
the way, the
price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more
$12 paint.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds
of
times a day,
and since you haven't actually walked out of the store
with
your paint
yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase
your
paint as
soon
as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so
I'll
have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint
and
don't use it,
there are penalties and possible confiscation of the
paint
you already
have.
Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen,
bathroom, hall and
north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the
bedroom, you
will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the
paint? I
already
paid
you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our
paint
is used,
every
drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible
happens if I
don't
keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically
becomes
the $200
paint.
Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from
$10 a
gallon"
signs?
Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons.
One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to
complete
the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are
empty and there
are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need
somewhere
else!
Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy
paint
for your
bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room
from
someone
else,
but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and
stairway from
anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you
paint in only
one
direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point
at
which you
started. A hallway is different.
Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only
paint in one
direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the
difference on your
next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it
now,
sir.
Customer: You're insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.