And don't forget this poem written about Tower Air, that appeared in a.net 13 years ago, thanks to N951U
I take absolutely no credit for this, but it accurately describes Tower Air:
T’was the Nachtomi Before Christmas….
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through Hangar 17,
The place was a madhouse, if you know what I mean.
The passengers lined up like cattle through the gates,
And into Tower Air’s hands people placed their fates.
People who took other airlines had already reached their destinations and friends,
But for the Tower Air traveler the delays never end.
I stood there in that long line holding my ticket,
And thought “To hell with this airline, should never have picked it!”
Suddenly out on the tarmac there arose such a clatter,
I asked the ticket agent what the heck was the matter.
She eyed me warily, as thought I might carry a gun,
and said, “That’s just one of our planes beginning its takeoff run.”
I wondered and worried what kind of airline am I to fly?
By purchasing this ticket, is there a chance I might die?
I stood there and wondered and pondered my fate,
then the ticketed agent yelled to me, “Go to the f-ing gate!”
I waited to board, so nervous my teeth were clickin’,
I was in back of a guy who reeked of B.O. carrying a chicken!
But out of the window, what do my eyes see?
But a worn out old Tower Air 747, vintage 1970!
We were boarded by rows, this was not very clever,
With the slowpokes in front of me, this would take forever!
As I settled into my seat I could not help by chuckle,
at the worn-out Pan Am logo on my seatbelt buckle.
The seat fabric was so dirty, the air was so musty,
I looked out at the wing, all pitted and rusty.
“Now passengers be seated” the flight attendant did shout,
I looked up to see what this commotion was about.
She said “Now sit down, Jose and Julio, Enrique and Don,”
“Welcome aboard Tower Air flight 51 to San Juan.”
I sat there and thought “how uncouth and how crude,”
when behind me a Senora sat down with her brood.
A few moments later, through the back of my seat,
I could feel the sharp kicking of three children’s feet.
The Senora opened her bag and took out her game of bingo,
Told her children to stop: “You’re bothering the gringo.”
The over the intercom the pilot’s voice sounded,
“Flight attendants prepare for takeoff” …. my heart, how it pounded!
The lights flickered off and on as the engines were started,
as behind me those pesky little kids kicked, screamed, and farted.
The 747 creaked and rolled its way to the end of the strip,
I sat and prayed a dozen Hail Marys as I began this trip.
“Please God, I love you, please don’t let me die!
Next time I’ll know better who not to fly!”
As the plane began its takeoff run, overhead luggage fell from the shelves,
The cabin floor was littered with toys, as though if by some elves.
runway disappeared as we began our left turn,
and I thought “Okay, here’s the part where we crash and burn.”
The plane kept on climbing until we lost power,
And then I remembered why I shouldn’t have flown Tower.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the Captain said,
“We need to turn around. The number two engine is dead.”
When from inside the cabin, passengers screamed with a roar,
The Captain jumped up from his seat and locked the cockpit door.
The Flight Engineer appeared in the midst of the melee,
everyone quieted down to hear what he would say.
He looked quite exhausted, almost burned-out.
He cleared his throat and began to shout,
“We’re sorry for the trouble, it’s beyond our control!
Address your complaints to the CEO named Mo!”
The passengers stared at him with many a blank look,
I felt sorry for the guy, working for such a crook!
He returned to the cockpit to prepare for the landing,
having heard all of this, greater was my understanding.
We circled, then landed with a very loud thump,
I could hardly wait to get out of this flying dump!
As I left the terminal and this horror show,
I passed by a diminutive man people called “Mo.”
He was walking to his car, holding several bags of cash,
I shouted to him, “You’ve got some nerve Mo, flying this trash!”
He looked rather cross and said “Young man, frankly I don’t care,
You see, we never have because we’re Tower Air!”