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Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline"

Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:43 pm

"The A.net Airline" would:

1) Have at least 20 different types of aircraft mainly because they look good;
2) Focus almost purely on livery and in-flight service and certainly not cost, efficiency or productivity;
3) Talk endlessly about the “good-old-days” of flying even though it didn't make a profit then;
4) Do anything to please the customer no matter the cost;
5) Serve as many places on as many continents as possible, even though most don’t make a profit;
6) Love thy neighbours, i.e. competition;
7) Have high costs, inherent inefficiency, poor productivity and charge low fares;
8) Be unprofitable, but still find the money to paint aircraft in a new livery every 6 months

Not, you understand, that I’m a cynical old git.

What else would "The A.net Airline" incorporate?
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
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NWAESC
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:47 pm

Best. Thread. Ever.

*Don't forget that no employee would ever have the gall to expect a reasonable wage/benefits package.

*Referring to an A/C type incorrectly-or not specifically enough- would be grounds for instant termination.

* Nothing would ever get loaded/unloaded as employees would be too busy spotting

[Edited 2009-03-15 10:49:02]
"Nothing ever happens here, " I said. "I just wait."
 
OHLHD
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:51 pm

9) being based in DXB and getting subsides and oil from the millions of wells in Dubai.
10) IFE IFE IFE can´t be enough on board
11) washing each and every aircraft before every flight not to make it look like Air France´s ones
12) high yield... what´s that?
13) every passenger can choose which aircraft flies the route he wants to fly
14)the passenger is always right, the guy behind the counter is not

[Edited 2009-03-15 10:53:00]
 
Mir
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:59 pm

15) Would have a fleet of DC-9s for the sole purpose of discussing when to replace them.


-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
HAL
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:02 pm

16) Would never allow unions because 'Unions are the root of everything evil and unholy'.

HAL
One smooth landing is skill. Two in a row is luck. Three in a row and someone is lying.
 
Birdwatching
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:07 pm

17) Would bring Concorde back into service
18) Would have a constant fight about who gets to be the pilot

Soren  santahat 
All the things you probably hate about travelling are warm reminders that I'm home
 
Soxfan
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:08 pm

17) Would have at least one aircraft for every single type of livery that ever was painted on a commercial plane.
Pilot: "Request push, which way should we face?" JFK Ground: "You better face the front, sir, or you'll scare the pax!"
 
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:15 pm

1001) Fit the senior management officies with gold to "give the right impression" despite the huge problems facing the airline;
1002) Cut the "fat" gained by the airline during the now-distant good times yet as the situation improves add it all back as though nothing was learned;
1003) Completely forget the last cycle even though the next is perfectly predictable. Act completely surprised when the cyclical downturn appears and say: "Gosh, I didn't foresee that."
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
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UltimateDelta
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&

Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:36 pm

Would have conveyor belts installed at airports 'just to see if it really works' (Flame suit on here)
Join Skyteam, Star Alliance, and OneWorld
Build a terminal along the Hudson River with scheduled A320 service*
One of each aircraft equipped with Blended Winglets
757s powered with GE90s
Rule prohibiting departures unless each pilot is equipped with a camera
1 pay toilet per plane
Cockpit visits in flight

Hmm, that's about all I can think of for now, hope you like these!

*Or maybe just planes with emergency floats that deploy like the RAT

[Edited 2009-03-15 12:37:27]
Midwest Airlines- 1984-2010
 
sebjacques92
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:47 pm

- Give passengers the option of de-boarding via the emergency slides which they get to inflate themselves.
- Give out lots of freebies e.g. safety cards, amenity kits, models etc.

Seb  airplane  Brilliant thread by the way  bigthumbsup 
 
bobnwa
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 8:17 pm

The pilot and F/A's know all about the airline and its plans. These pilots and F/A's love to share this info with relatives who are A. net members.
 
EI320
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:11 pm

- Multiple stopovers on even the shortest of flights despite landing charges spiraling out of control. Widebodies are often deployed on these short flights for "operational reasons".

- A.net available on-demand to everyone, regardless of class. Passengers refusing to use this service will be escorted politely off the aircraft prior to take-off, or will be arrested on arrival.

- Go-arounds are compulsory for "operational reasons". Punctuality and on-time arrivals are irrelevant, as long as passengers have enjoyed their on-board experience and are satisfied they have collected enough pics for their TR.

- The "Passenger compensation" section of the "Customer care" department employs hundreds of staff ready to respond to passenger complaints immediately despite there being zero complaints.

- Technical team on-board each flight, ready to respond to passenger questions and queries regarding all aspects of the airline.

- Management take the necessary steps to ensure the poorest of low factors, so that passengers can remain comfortable on their flight.

- In a dramatic effort to slash costs and save the airline from bankruptcy, management outsource all pilots across the airline. The company who wins the contract happens to be dominated by a.net members. This group will guide the airline into the future, ensuring that fundamental values are strictly adhered to.

EI320
 
thegman
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:30 am



Quoting Mir (Reply 3):
15) Would have a fleet of DC-9s for the sole purpose of discussing when to replace them.

And all would power back from gates.
 
OHLHD
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:05 am

1703) flying some Russian aircraft for the real enthusiasts and for the cowards.  duck  Big grin
 
BestWestern
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:30 pm

You forgot the holy grail of anet airlines

0) It would be just Boeing Aircraft - non of that over-promised under-deliver commie, canadian socialist, euro pinko or brazilan leftie crap.
Greetings from Hong Kong.... a subsidiary of China Inc.
 
max550
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:54 pm

-There would be no CEO, everything would be discussed in the forums and that's how decisions would be made. If no consensus can be reached on what aircraft to buy or what seats to install we buy both and then argue about which one is better for years to come.
-Each route would be served by 2 competing aircraft (A320 and 737, A330 and 787, A380 and 748) so that we can compare every aspect of them in a controlled environment.
-Livery of each aircraft would be decided by a vote, a new livery is required every time a new type is introduced and when we merge with other airlines.
-When you board your flight you are given a card with the registration of the aircraft and the entire history of said aircraft.
-You are expected to turn in a TR to the airline within 1 week of every flight.
 
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CrimsonNL
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:10 pm



Quoting Mir (Reply 3):

Good one!

-We would be talking in professional language only. "Ladies and gentlemen flight 645 is cancelled due to the Air starter unit of the APU being INOP, and therefore we lost our ETOPS rating"

-You would get a nice frequent flyer card as soon as you sign up.

-Jumpseat rides available for booking.

-Glass cockpit door.
Always comparing your flown types list with mine
 
eric
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:35 pm

The livery would not be painted Eurowhite.
n
 
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UltimateDelta
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:58 pm

Oh, and A.net membership is equivalent to Platinum FF status.

Quoting Max550 (Reply 15):
-There would be no CEO, everything would be discussed in the forums and that's how decisions would be made. If no consensus can be reached on what aircraft to buy or what seats to install we buy both and then argue about which one is better for years to come.

Pure brilliance.
Midwest Airlines- 1984-2010
 
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ERJ135
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:03 am

The aircraft has to have more range than standard even if the sched service is just an hour the aircraft needs to be able to stay aloft for at least 20 hours.
Every aircraft needs to be wide body so people don't feel cramped when they occupy a single seat.
The airline needs to fly between ports with little market with large aircraft.
The airline would need a lot more aircraft than it needs because people think so.
The airline would go broke in seconds because it has 50,000 CEO's none of whom agree with eachother.
I so want to fly on SCAT one day!
 
CXB77L
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:53 pm

The airline will boycott any airport that does not actively facilitate plane spotters.
The airline will schedule three times daily flights to SXM, using a variety of different aircraft.
The airline will fly HKG to LHR eastbound with a B77L and an A345 (A345 may have to divert to DUB for a "splash and dash")
Aircraft range permitting, some flights will fly to its destination the "long way around".
The airline will fly low past airports even if it's not landing, to allow spotters a chance to photograph the aircraft.
Boeing 777 fanboy
 
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NWOrientDC10
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:09 am

Meals would have to be available on all flights 45 min and longer.
Things aren't always as they seem
 
Soxfan
Posts: 246
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:15 am



Quoting NWOrientDC10 (Reply 21):
Meals would have to be available on all flights 45 min and longer

I'll go one better. Meals (especially good ones) would have to be available on ANY flight regardless of time or length!  Smile
Pilot: "Request push, which way should we face?" JFK Ground: "You better face the front, sir, or you'll scare the pax!"
 
joeycapps
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:30 am

-A hub at EVERY airport in the world,
-Service TO/FROM every airport in the world (because everyone wants an airline to serve/hub out of their hometown airport)
-Have a certain bikini-clad supermodel on one side of the plane, and a pictue of a plane on the other side of the real plane
-Cut costs by even letting the good 'ole armchair pilots have a go! (If they can fly FSX, they can sure as hell fly the Airbus E-747-380LR/ER/NG/Winglets specially designed for A.Net)
 
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CrimsonNL
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 18, 2009 8:44 pm

Every stage III engine would be restored to its original status, to make as much noise and smoke as possible!
Always comparing your flown types list with mine
 
baguy
Posts: 474
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 18, 2009 9:39 pm



Quoting UltimateDelta (Reply 18):
Oh, and A.net membership is equivalent to Platinum FF status.

PLEASE!!!!!

Every airport would have a Concorde Room - each a.net would always be offered a First Class ticket - if the aircraft has no F - we will install a seat even if it is just for 1 a.net member!

BAguy
 
AA757MIA
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:24 am



Quoting EI320 (Reply 11):
Go-arounds are compulsory for "operational reasons".

Same applies for full reverse thrust on landings...
 
airtanzania1
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&

Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:15 am

Quoting EI320 (Reply 11):
- Go-arounds are compulsory for "operational reasons".

I will love that  

- All flights will have fighter jet escorts.

[Edited 2009-03-18 23:16:34]
Awe. 737-200.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:28 am

The airline would actually start its own aircraft manufacturing company. They would make L-1011's, Concordes, and MD-11's.

There would be NO narrowbody flights. Even SFO-LAX.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
sebjacques92
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:06 am

oh i got another one....

instead of inviesting in new terminals at our hubs, we will instead spend all the money into rebuilding Kai Tak Airport and make that our main world hub and company HQ!!!

and another....

pilots are trained to fly toward areas of high turbulance and windy area just to spice up the flight a little  Big grin

Seb  airplane 
 
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UltimateDelta
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:08 am



Quoting Soxfan (Reply 22):
I'll go one better. Meals (especially good ones) would have to be available on ANY flight regardless of time or length

Right. Papa Westray to Westray still gets you a four-course meal with everything included  Wink
Midwest Airlines- 1984-2010
 
kinglobjaw
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 22, 2009 3:33 pm

Fly routes such as AHN-ATH (Athens,GA to Athens, Greece)

-Kinglobjaw
Kinglobjaw
 
ALexeu
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&

Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:35 pm

-Would have safety cards that say ''your personal copy to take away''

-Would have code-share agreements with Saha Air and Air Koryo

-In-flight mags would have very comprehensive data for fleet and routes

-Not taking photos would be considered weird on a.net airlines.

-First class would be jump seat.

Regards, Alex

[Edited 2009-03-22 15:35:30]
 
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NZ107
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:08 pm



Quoting CXB77L (Reply 20):
The airline will schedule three times daily flights to SXM, using a variety of different aircraft.

They'd have an A380, 744, 743, MD 11, Il-86 and other large aircraft based at SXM, purely for show doing touch and goes to wow everyone.


Mile High Club space!!

Full thrust and pre-roll brakes would be applied on all take offs regardless of length of runway.

In-N-Out on board every flight

Something called a "prisoner seat" would not exist unless in the case of families in which you can reconfigure the section; everyone would have at least 42" legroom and no IFE box under the seat.

Very low ratio of FA:pax

Develop new aircraft like the 757-400, 747-800LR, 737 Double Fuselage or 737XWB

The most strange routes would be flown by large aircraft like HVN-HEL, everywhere to SXM

Fit JT8s onto a few aircraft, and also install JATO to most planes
It's all about the destination AND the journey.
 
StarAC17
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&

Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:48 am

Quoting Kinglobjaw (Reply 31):
Fly routes such as AHN-ATH (Athens,GA to Athens, Greece)

I prefer YXU-LHR (London, Ontario to London, UK)

Quoting NZ107 (Reply 33):
The most strange routes would be flown by large aircraft like HVN-HEL, everywhere to SXM

I remember when you used to open up the main page and the titles used to cycle and one of my favourite ones were "Airlners.net: We serve both HVN and HEL."  

Adding another I would say that FS must be available as a game for the IFE in first class 

[Edited 2009-03-22 20:51:07]

[Edited 2009-03-22 20:51:42]
Engineers Rule The World!!!!!
 
CXB77L
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:16 pm



Quoting Kinglobjaw (Reply 31):
Fly routes such as AHN-ATH (Athens,GA to Athens, Greece)

Also, YQY - SYD (Sydney, NS to Sydney, NSW)
MEL - MLB (Melbourne, VIC to Melbourne, FL)
Boeing 777 fanboy
 
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DocLightning
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:17 pm

Based on what's going on in the Non-Av thread, there'd be a "pink" class and a "non-pink" class, each with its own separate F/A roster.  Wink
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
hercppmx
Posts: 159
Joined: Mon May 26, 2008 8:25 am

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:10 am

CH 9. Is mandatory for all aircraft, there would be no switch to turn it off. (not that any real pilot would) oops!

An audio channel of a GE90-115B at take off on continuous loop.

and a certain inter-island company's 732's brought back to there former glory!!!!
C-130; it's a love-hate relationship
 
chicago757
Posts: 348
Joined: Tue May 13, 2003 7:02 am

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:26 am

Would inquire on merging with other airlines so there could be merger posts posted everyday....oh...and why not allow as many free bags as someone could check, and also start up its low cost alias (Ted, song, etc) ....just to make people "THINK" they're flying a LCC!!!!!
Goodnight TED!
Go White Sox!!!!
 
MidEx216
Posts: 552
Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2005 12:19 am

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:56 am



Quoting Birdwatching (Reply 5):
17) Would bring Concorde back into service

*Will have a fleet including EVERY aircraft, historic or present, that an A.netter would possibly ask for.


--Would have no policies against electronic devices (except for phones), and would run channel 9 on all flights.
 
chicago757
Posts: 348
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:24 am

would have hot flight attendants! better than any inflight entertainment!
Go White Sox!!!!
 
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Topic Author
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RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:30 pm

Charge one fare because it’s fairer. Goodness sake – certainly not price discriminate!

Profit? What’s that?

Function outsourcing? What’s that? We want to employ everyone ourselves and to do everything in-house. Let's not worry about the staff-passenger ratio - we do, after all, hate statistics. Let’s not worry about the cost because we’re not here to make a profit.
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
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Topic Author
Posts: 16616
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:07 am

Would only employ gays who would base aircraft selection on aesthetic appeal.

Would be obsessed about whether the ‘breakfast tray’ looks cluttered over almost everything else.
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
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Topic Author
Posts: 16616
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:24 am

Oh dear! We’re facing serious problems and we need to adapt. But, we didn’t build in flexibility! I know, let’s paint our aircraft! Who cares if it means we’re burring our heads into the sand, ignoring our problems and hoping they disappear? At least the public will see our image and think all is well.
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
Braniff747SP
Posts: 2576
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2008 4:56 am

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:02 am



Quoting NZ107 (Reply 33):

In-N-Out on board every flight

 bigthumbsup   bigthumbsup   bigthumbsup   bigthumbsup 


Also, anyone found to be a meber of an ailrline starting with "jet" and ending with "Photos"
Will be arrested and held until they convert to A.netisim, or held for life. (A.net would have to buy Guantanamo.)

Also, A yolk and rudder pedals would come out from the seat in front of you, so you can fly on flight sim X, Witch will be installed in the IFE system.
The 747 will always be the TRUE queen of the skies!
 
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UltimateDelta
Posts: 2233
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 7:56 am

RE: Characteristics Of "The A.net Airline&quo

Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:54 pm



Quoting Chicago757 (Reply 40):
would have hot flight attendants! better than any inflight entertainment!

Everybody from the 'Would You Hit It?' threads is an automatic A.net FA
Midwest Airlines- 1984-2010

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