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ryangooner
Topic Author
Posts: 956
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Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:36 am

found these funnies on the net, Pilots reports against technical findings!
Hope you find them as funny as i do!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

Ryan
ooh to ooh to be ooh to be a gooner!
 
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Starlionblue
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:09 am

This is funny. Unfortunately it was posted (again) just recently.
"There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots." - John Ringo
 
MX757
Posts: 495
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:29 am

Here is a recent pilot report I had to deal with.

737-300

Write up:

LT pack making a loud noise. Sounds like jet engine.

Sign off:

Ran LT pack for 5 minutes. Could not duplicate noise until LT engine was ran. Shut engine down, jet engine noise went away. OK to continue.

I really signed it off this way! I couldn't help it! It was too funny not to!

[Edited 2007-01-10 22:30:36]
Is it broke...? Yeah I'll fix it.
 
N231YE
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:41 am

Funny Or F&*(@$# Up Write Ups..... (by Zvocio79 Nov 24 2006 in Tech Ops)
 
kbfispotter
Posts: 658
Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 5:56 pm

RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:46 am

Yeah... Those make their rounds on here every once and a while...

I have seen some fairly bizzare write ups at work, though...
such as:
WU: Stab trim not working
SO: Stab trim system issolated for MX... Reset breaker. Works now.

Kris
Proud to be an A&P!!!
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:00 pm

Interesting & entertaining list,But its been posted a lot earlier.

Quoting MX757 (Reply 2):
really signed it off this way! I couldn't help it! It was too funny not to!

Although I'd love to,unfortunately my Rectification Action has to be Inked very seriously & to the point out here  Smile

regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
BAE146QT
Posts: 981
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:35 pm

I acknowledge that Ryan didn't specify where they were supposed to have come from, but this list usually gets passed around with a blurb at the beginning that says these are ACTUAL REAL SQUAWK REPORTS FROM QANTAS!!!!one!!!one!!!! LOLZ

Trouble is, I can't think of a reason why a civilian airliner woud have IFF or a "target radar".
Todos mis dominós son totalmente pegajosos
 
wing
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:16 pm

Quoting BAe146QT (Reply 6):
Trouble is, I can't think of a reason why a civilian airliner woud have IFF or a "target radar".

Thats because they are all intended to be joke, not actually coming from maintenance log books of an airline.Infact I have seen the versions originating from different airforces,with the same jokes.

They are funny but not real.
follow me on my facebook page" captain wing's journey log"
 
BAE146QT
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:25 pm

Quoting Wing:
Thats because they are all intended to be joke,

Perhaps originally they were, but my point is that at least twice a year, since about 1992, friends have been sending them to me assuming that they are real. The implication is usually,

"Good lord! These airlines are responsible for our safety! They shouldn't be horsing around like that!"

I then have to patiently explain that they are a joke, while my friend sits there going, "You know, it's just incredible that Qantas have never crashed!" etc.
Todos mis dominós son totalmente pegajosos
 
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Starlionblue
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:50 pm

Quoting BAe146QT (Reply 8):
"Good lord! These airlines are responsible for our safety! They shouldn't be horsing around like that!"

I then have to patiently explain that they are a joke, while my friend sits there going, "You know, it's just incredible that Qantas have never crashed!" etc.

Wow. It's amazing what people think. I guess the media has trained them well. What also amazes me is that people think that airliners are so "brittle", as if the least little fault will cause them to plummet into the ground. Little do they know how many items are inoperative every single day but given all the redundancies this hardly impacts safety.
"There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots." - John Ringo
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:47 pm

Quoting Starlionblue (Reply 9):
Little do they know how many items are inoperative every single day but given all the redundancies this hardly impacts safety.

How many times does the media interview an Expert to comment on an Aviation issue rather than a Pax. Smile
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
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Starlionblue
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:39 pm

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 10):
How many times does the media interview an Expert to comment on an Aviation issue rather than a Pax.

All the time. Pity they're experts in making themselves look good on TV as opposed to the actual subject matter. Big grin
"There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots." - John Ringo
 
MD11Engineer
Posts: 13899
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:48 pm

Though at a previous airline I was working on a pilot wrote up:

Big bug in map light.


I was tempted to write:

Spider installed, bug gone.

In fact I just removed the lens of the map light, removefd the bug and wrote up exactly this.

Jan
Je Suis Charlie et je suis Ahmet aussi
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:55 pm

Quoting Starlionblue (Reply 11):
All the time. Pity they're experts in making themselves look good on TV as opposed to the actual subject matter

Guess the Experts arn't available & don't make the news dramatic.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
Fly2HMO
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:40 am

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 13):
Guess the Experts arn't available

Wrong. The experts are available ( and often seen right here lurking tech-ops), what the experts lack is sensationalism and drama to appeal to an audience with an IQ of 50.  Yeah sure
 
EMA747
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Tue Jan 16, 2007 9:48 am

Quoting FLY2HMO (Reply 14):
what the experts lack is sensationalism and drama to appeal to an audience with an IQ of 50

That, or its that the facts just dont sell newspapers like sensationalism does.  wink 
As Starlionblue said:

Quoting Starlionblue (Reply 9):
Little do they know how many items are inoperative every single day but given all the redundancies this hardly impacts safety.

If you just told them media that they wouldnt sell any papers. It is a shame though that facts no longer seem to matter.  old 
Failing doesn’t make you a failure. Giving up and refusing to try again does!
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:24 am

Get an Expert to comment on the Incident/Accident would dampen the Dramatics & lower the TRP ratings.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
turbonytro
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:16 pm

The "not serious" disclaimer dosen't take away from the gravity of the "pilot vs. mechanics" title of this thread. I realize this is in fun...however an organization...weather charter 135 or 121...that get's into a real pilot vs. mx situation...well, it SUCKS!!! I'm 135 MX. When the bean counters prevent us from fixing (replacing parts) it makes MX look like the silly (dumb) ones. We need to be ultra careful when we even THINK of the concept of "pilot VS mechanic". It is not conducive to safety. I can post some rediculous squalks from low time Lear pilots...but I won't. I've made rediculous mistakes as a mechanic...and 'fessed up to the pilots that it was MY fault! My point is that the pilot vs. mx scenario is BAD, BAD, BAD! This thread should be closed.
 
b737700doctor
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:20 am

Pilot: Ck #1 brake for wear.
Tech: Did it hit the jetway? If not then the brakes are still good!
Not serious but kinda funny.
Boeings are the best built planes
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Wed Jan 24, 2007 10:38 pm

Quoting B737700doctor (Reply 18):
Pilot: Ck #1 brake for wear.
Tech: Did it hit the jetway? If not then the brakes are still good!

I've noticed that AMM limits are more detailed that what some of the Pilots think  Smile
Understandably they want to be sure.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
boeing767mech
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:16 am

My favorite is when you get the hot shot pilots that think they know everything since they have there A&P. You can't tell them anything. We had one call in on the radio because he didn;t have have his gauges or screens on the FO side. Standard response is take as follows "Take Left hand(since it is copilots calling all the time)put it on standby power switch and turn 45 degrees clockwise. Most of the time we get a small thanks.

But once we had a pilot be a smartass so the next response was "push forward trees get bigger, pull back trees get smaller. We all had to laugh in the line shack about that one.

David
Never under-estimate the predictably of stupidty
 
aogdesk
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Thu Jan 25, 2007 12:49 am

Quoting BAe146QT (Reply 8):
Perhaps originally they were, but my point is that at least twice a year, since about 1992, friends have been sending them to me assuming that they are real.

Amen! I get that damn list from every Tom Dick and Harry that knows that I'm around airplanes, and they ALL think they're the first and only ones to send it to me.

Rant over. Exhaling now.
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Pilot Vs Mechanic (not Serious!)

Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:17 pm

Quoting Aogdesk (Reply 21):
Amen! I get that damn list from every Tom Dick and Harry that knows that I'm around airplanes

Probably the most distributed Aviation list to date  Smile
Surprisingly no one adds to the list.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)

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