Hello one and all. I’m not too sure what this trip report counts as, because I have a video and an essay. I’ve not really figured out how to add photos, so apologies for that.

Here is the accompanying video https://youtu.be/n-DQf-QIW_s I have also included some bonus footage of my travel by German Trains and the return flight.

A little history

So, a little history first. Back in 2010 or 2011, I actually got to use Brandenburg Airport as a test guinea pig. At that time I flew into and out of Berlin roughly once a week, so it seemed something to do. I in fact had numerous bookings into Brandenburg, which of course all got switched back to Tegel. Then by chance last year I was booked on the first international flight into Brandenburg, an easyJet service from London Gatwick. However Germany’s COVID rules changed a few days beforehand, which meant I couldn’t fly. So this flight seemed a really very long time coming.

Having come from Iceland to the UK, the next step was a 9 day visit to Berlin, which would coincide with the Berlin Wall’s 60th Anniversary. Filming would take us to Berlin, as well as Dresden and Leipzig. My part in it all doesn’t need much equipment, I’m tied up in permissions, locations etc. So Ryanair with a backpack was just fine for me, especially at GBP 9.99.

I have a soft spot for Stansted Airport, it’s a good facility that never quite worked out as intended. With Heathrow full, the plan was for Stansted to become a kind of Schiphol hub for transatlantic late comers like American Airlines, Delta, Virgin and United. They even designed the terminal lay out like Atlanta, optimal for transfer. In the end, those airlines picked over the carcouses of Pan Am and TWA, gaining their own footings at Heathrow or elsewhere in Europe. So they didn’t need Stansted, which sat in gloriously unused Montreal Mirabel style.

KLM noticed the Brits were copying Schiphol. So their UK business “Air UK” set themselves up with a network feeding Schiphol eastbound from the UK regions, and at Stansted they sat ready to feed transatlantic flights to most major European destinations. With no longhaul flights arriving, other than Cubana, KLM split Air UK in two, with the Stansted his becoming a new low cost airline called Buzz.

Buzz had the idea of turning Berlin into a low cost weekend break destination, using the former East German airport of Schönefeld. So early one morning, about 20 passengers, me included, took off from Stansted in a former Continental Airlines 737-300, on the first ever low cost flight to Berlin. Over the next 20 years low cost flights would radically change Berlin’s feel, but honestly we didn’t have a clue at the time.

On that flight we taxied to a remote gate and then walked across an apron surrounded by countless stored Soviet manufactured helicopters and other aircraft to the terminal, where a person in a bear costume gave us chocolates as we walked across a rubber mat covered in disinfectant due to the UK foot in mouth epidemic.

In the end Buzz became part of Ryanair, and the rest is history.

Back to the point

Having just experienced the horrendous check in experience delivered by Icelandair at Keflavik, I was really worried by Ryanair. How wrong I was.

Ryanair app check in allows you to upload all of the required government forms, such as proof of vaccination. That meant I was able to easily upload my vaccination certificate and German Government arrivals form before arriving at the airport. Thus I was able to skip physical check in and head directly for security.

I had delayed checking in until the last moment, as government rules have a tendency to change without much notice. Having taken part in the Play inaugural from Stansted a few weeks earlier, I expected to be told I must queue at a check in desk, despite having checked in online. This is they typical procedure at Keflavik and it is poor. Ryanair however don’t require this, as you’ve already supplied your details.

That meant I headed directly from the train to security. Fearing I might be tight for time if check in queues were long, I upgraded to priority security. In the end this upgrade meant it was a mere seven minutes from stepping off the Stansted Express train to walking through duty free. Fantastic service.

This meant I had a lot of time to pass. For me, hanging out at an airport is not exactly a hardship! So I went to the Wetherspoons Pub and had nachos and beer. Sat upstairs you get a great view of landing arrivals. Some notable ones were a Turkish A330F, UPS 767-300F and FedEx 777-F. In terms of passenger aircraft, this is Boeing town, I only saw one passenger Airbus land over three hours.

Stansted airside facilities are actually pretty good, there are a lot of places to wait and eat; plus pharmacies and places to get essentials.

I was quite excited to see my flight was departing from a gate which meant I would catch the little shuttle train. It’s been years since I caught that at Stansted. Dumb I know!

What shocked me is that the departure gates haven’t been touched since the 1990s. The only change I could see was that a former premium club lounge is now a Wetherspoons. Beyond that it is a perfect time capsule from 1990, complete with payphone that accept (and advertise!) pre-paid phone cards. I don’t think these exist anymore?!?

Boarding had started by the time I made It over, but top tip, don’t be fooled. It’s best to wait until the end, as nobody will actually be boarding, they’ll all be queued standing up somewhere between the gate and the aircraft. I waited back and the aircraft was opened for boarding exactly as I got through.

For some reason, possibly whilst drunk, I’d purchased the first row of “not upfront” seating. So it was an easy boarding process by the in built airstairs, with my bag slipped under the seat in front.

This particular aircraft featured the original Ryanair 737-800 seats. These are pretty bulky, which restricts legroom, but they are well padded and, well, comfortable. My flight happily was full, I say happily, because it shows people are getting the hang of travelling safely.

With the efficient Ryanair approach to border checks, we departed more or less exactly on time, with only a very short taxi to the runway.

Around ten minutes after take off the chief stewardess came by and checked which coffee I would like. I had purchased a discounted coffee as part of the booking process. She was very charming indeed and two minutes later I had a nice Italian coffee (OK, in a big cup, and with milk) to enjoy. Strangely it felt quite personalised, more like the service you can, if you are lucky, get in Business Class.

Whilst that was going on, the crew were taking hot food orders. Having just eaten I passed. With hot food orders taken, the main cafe service commenced, with hot food being delivered alongside it. Around about ten minutes after the cafe service ended, crew started coming around clearing the waste away.

After about 15 minutes, the duty free trolley came through. I can’t remember the last time I saw a duty free trolley! The cabin crew actually took their time doing this, stopping and offering samples to people. I was impressed.

Very soon afterwards we started descending into Berlin. I was impressed by the crew, with none less than four services to deliver (pre orders, hot food, cafe and duty free), they seemed to have it nailed. They were professional, friendly and not rushed. Congratulations.

We landed on the new Brandenburg runway, which passes some pretty lakes and forests on final approach. We seemed to land with quite a high land speed into a wet and misty airfield. That made for some entertainment, as despite brakes and what seemed like fairly full reverse thrust, we still used up most of the way with some tiller turns left and right. Maybe we landed rather late down the runway?

I was surprised to see there were no e-gates awaiting us. Everybody, EU passport holder or not, had to queue for a manual passport check. Being in row six I only queued for about twenty minutes, goodness knows how long others took. All foreigners were being questioned about their return bookings, which seemed odd for Schengen citizens.

Brandenburg is pretty inadequate, nothing is big enough and yet the queues and walks are too long. I genuinely don’t see how it is any better than Tegel. Yes there is a train, except the S-Bahn takes a ridiculous detour and the fast service is slower than the old TXL Bus. Progress?

My verdict

Overall though, Ryanair were cheap and had their act together. There is nothing that I can really pick them up on, nor anything which would justify paying more for a legacy airline. What do you think?