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YYZflyer
Posts: 3516
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:54 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:29 am

Why is a gun better than a woman?



Because you can buy a silencer for the gun.
Avoid hangovers, stay drunk.
 
don81603
Posts: 1105
Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:07 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:11 am

A white kid and a black kid are arguing over what colour God is, so they decide to just ask him.

From the sky, a voice booms down "I am what I am."

The white kid says "Told you he was white." The black kids says "He never said one way or the other, how can you be so damn sure?"

The white kid says "If he was black, he'd have said 'I is what I is!'"

This one was emailed to me, and I almost fell off my seat:

It appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African -American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I can hear it now: A weatherman in Houston says...

"Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! He hr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
miamiair
Posts: 4249
Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2004 9:42 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:19 pm

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT
THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD MEN AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED, THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"

"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."

"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE ON THE ASS, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE
WINDOW."
Molon Labe - Proud member of SMASH
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:35 pm

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 301):
It appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African -American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I don't know about the Ebonics part, but there was a black congresswoman who did complain about the names of hurricanes not having "black names".

Quoting Don81603 (Reply 301):
"Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! He hr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!"

And they could fly out on Ghetto Dellta Airlines.  biggrin 


Anyway:

Q. What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and U-2?
A. U-2's been to the Super Bowl.

Q: What was the first team eliminated from the 2007 Little League World Series?
A: The Kansas City Royals.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and roadkill?
A: There are usually skidmarks leading up to the roadkill.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
Confuscius
Posts: 3691
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 12:29 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:29 pm

Q. What did the Queen Mother and Princess Diana have in common?

A. They both died at about 100




Q. What's 16 inches long and makes a woman scream all night?

A. Crib death
Ain't I a stinker?
 
SaturnVRocket
Posts: 82
Joined: Sat Nov 04, 2006 5:52 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Wed Oct 10, 2007 9:09 pm

Q: What's so funny about MCOflyer's jokes?

A: The responses from other a.net members.
 
LAXspotter
Posts: 3227
Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:16 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:16 am

Quoting InbarD (Reply 289):
3. What can a pizza do that an abbo can't?
Feed a family of four



Quoting InbarD (Reply 289):
2. How long did it take an abbo to take a shit?
9 months

VERY SIMILAR TO THE AFRICAN AMERICAN JOKES
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" Samuel Johnson
 
torquewrench
Posts: 60
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:49 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:09 am

why do dogs lick thier balls?

Because they can't make a fist!


Why do farts stink?

So deaf people can enjoy them too.
Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
 
emiratesa345
Posts: 2049
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2003 10:11 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:49 pm

Oddly enough I heard this one from a Jewish guy and the people I've told have interpretted it differently.

Q: Why do Jewish men not like to eat pussy?

A: Its too close to the gas chamber.


-Mark
You and I were meant to fly, Air Canada!
 
deskflier
Posts: 525
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 9:59 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:31 pm

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 303):
Q. What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and U-2?
A. U-2's been to the Super Bowl.

Made me remember a story I saw on another forum:

Two Cardinals fans died in a traffic accident. As neither of them had been God's best child they both went immediately to Hell. They were placed in a cell and in a little while Old Nick himself came calling, and asked:
- Everything okay, boys?
- Well, one of the Cardinals fans said, could you turn up the heat? It's cooler than a December day in Tucson here.
The Devil went away quite miffed, and turned up the heat. As he returned he asked about the temperature and got the answer that it was quite warm, but not worse than a summer night in Flagstaff. This made the Lord of Evil really angry and he went to the boiler room and turned up the heat in the Arizonians room to max, and then some. As he went back to the cell where our friends stayed he asked with a smirk:
- I this hot enough for you?
- Well, this is hot. But not hotter than a July afternoon in Phoenix.
The Prince of Darkness dropped his chin and ran away, hopping mad. This time he turned off the heat in our friends cell completely. He laughed in a sinister way and went back to see how the cold was received by our two Cardinals fans. Long before he got there, the Devil heard laughing and cheering. He found the two Cardinals fans swimming in snow, and in a state of utter enjoyment, so he asked:
- Why the **** are you so happy?
- The Cardinals finally won the Super Bowl!
How can anyone not fly, when we live at a time when we can fly?
 
Bofredrik
Posts: 1133
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 1999 4:17 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:36 pm

This stories was told in my school when i was around 10 years old.

What killed Hitler?
- The gas bill.

What was the no 1 hit on the German hit list 1939-1945?
- "Hello jew" with the Gas Chamber Choir

Mother, mother, i do not want to go to America!
- Be silent and continue swimming!

Mother, Mother, why is my little brother so red in his face?
- Be silent and stay away from the fireplace!

Mother, Mother, i do not like granfathers nose!
- Be silent and eat around it!

[Edited 2007-10-12 08:45:09]

[Edited 2007-10-12 08:45:41]
 
nitrohelper
Posts: 412
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:32 am

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:50 pm

What's three things you can't give an African-American?
a fat lip, a black eye, and a job !

What you call a black guy with no arms , or legs?
Trustworthy !

What is a Jewish "10" ,
She looks like a "6" , but has 4 million dollars!

If a Mexican, a Frenchman and a Black jump off a 10 story building,
Who will hit the ground first ? Who cares!

What's a three time loser?
A black guy with a short dick that can't play basketball.

Why don't Mexicans want their kids to marry Blacks ?
Their grandkids will be too lazy to steal.
 
Charles79
Posts: 1119
Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:35 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Thu Oct 18, 2007 11:47 pm

Quoting EWRCabincrew (Reply 296):
A man walks into his doctors office wanting a brain transplant

I heard this variation (from a German perspective):

A German actor walks into the doctor's office and says "in order to play the part of a Polish man, I want to feel, act, even think like a Polish man. What can you do?". The doctor says, "well, we can remove half your brain and you'll be Polish". The man agreed and he had his surgery...

...after the surgery the doctor comes in and says, "I'm sorry sir but we had a problem during the surgery and we removed your entire brain by mistake". To which the man replied "Mamma mia!".

Charles
 
columba
Posts: 5235
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:12 pm

RE: Jokes That'll Offend Everyone :)

Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:15 am

1) "One thing you will likely never see:
A Chinese at the patent office"

2)
"Why do men come intermittent ? So it is easier for women to swallow"
It will forever be a McDonnell Douglas MD 80 , Boeing MD 80 sounds so wrong
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